ESPN gives Joe Theismann Four Million to Go Away!
| 15
|
by LastRow
Imagine this…Ever wonder what it would be like to walk a day in Joe Theismann’s shoes? And you ever think how bad that has to suck! First off, the guy can’t pronounce his own name correctly, (great to see that he’s putting that Notre Dame education to good use)! Secondly, he bombed out of the Heisman race. If that wasn’t enough L.T. made a human wishbone out of him on Monday Night…And even to this day Joe can’t go near a bowl of Rice Krispies. For they go Snap, Crackle, Pop! If that wasn’t enough, turns out his son is a crackhead, running a cartel out of the Theismann’s residence…Although the good news is that ole sonny boy is looked up to immensely by Andy Reid’s boys Dumb & Dumber! Almost like a hero…Hey Joe, how awesome is that? Maybe that’s where Travis Henry obtained his "second hand smoke" from!
Yes, as anybody can see…The life of Joe Theismann blows harder than a prostitute in the passenger seat in some dark alley. Though, "Star" gets paid to do a service and then gets the hell out! God love her! Incidentally, I guess Joey T falls into the same category as a girl working on the corner of suck & fukc. What do I mean? Turns out in an telling interview conducted by Harry Jaffe of The Washingtonian has an interesting interview with Joe Theismann, the former human wishbone quarterback and former ESPN broadcaster who lost his job early this year when the Worldwide Leader decided to "re-tool", (for lack of a better term) Monday Night Football and put Ron Jaworski in the broadcast booth.
The most intriguing part of Jaffe's report comes from something Theismann can't actually talk about: His financial arrangement with ESPN. According to Jaffe, getting rid of Theismann wasn't cheap for ESPN:
"In the middle of our first interview, his assistant, Sandy Sedlak, slid settlement papers across the table for Theismann's signature. His deal with ESPN was $8 million for five years. He was less than two years into the contract. I asked what the settlement was worth. "Can't say," he responded. About $4 million is a good guess. Hell yeah, I'd smile if I were getting paid $4 million not to work, too. Not just work, but $4 mill just to go away! I ask you… How God awful does one have to be to get paid $4 mill just so his company can say "buh-bye"? He gets four million for being a complete loser…Now we know somewhere Ricky Williams is living in a tree saying, "Where did I go wrong?" Not just that, but I betcha Michael Irvin got screwed! Just think how much blow Mikey could buy…Oh, that’s right, he doesn’t do that anymore!
Theismann did smile when he signed the papers."
Damn it…$4 million just so your employer can get rid of your sorry, loser ass! Whatever happened to pink slips? In the words of Don King, "Only in America"!
