ESPN Sets Lineup of NFL Shows for the 2007 Season…President Bush, Please Help!
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by LastRow
Pretty soon fellas the flying pigskins will be unleashed…Or should I say “real” flying pigskins will be unleashed. Me not referring to those pasty gold and blue one’s Arena Football plays with either! Whose game can’t even hold my attention like a Bob Ross painting marathon can…Rest in Peace Bob and happy painting to you too! Indeed, everybody is geared up for all our lives to come out of depression…Yes sir, throw away that Prozac! A pigskin douse, which cures what ales us, is just around the corner!
All the networks are getting their ducks in a row, (well except for that one legged duck who’s always swimming in a circle) to bring us “Football Fever” for the next six months…God bless you people! Everybody trying to top one another for that perfect blend of best pigskin coverage, but at the same time not to over do it! Just like the turkey on Thanksgiving…An undercooked one will have folks nauseating , while an overcooked one the dog won’t even go near. So with that said who wants to take a guess on how many shows ESPN will have across it's platform of Network? I know, we can’t all wait…Give our bleeding eyes some mercy after a month long “Who’s Now”! Examining brackets like it’s March or something…Perhaps next year they can do this same bracket shit and see, well, just that. Which athlete has the ability to take the biggest dookie…Just a thought.
Getting back to my original brain yack…Does anybody want to take a guess at how many shows ESPN will have across its platform of Network this fall? Do I hear 5? Who has 10? Is there a 15??? Well, it falls in between 10 & 15....There are 12, yes count’em 12, I didn’t stutter here…At least this time) different programs involving the NFL across ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN News, and ESPN Radio....We now know who we'll have to withstand looking at 38 times a day when ESPN begins airing its NFL programming. Funny, I didn’t get that email in my inbox which states ESPN is the NFL Network…I thought they were two different proprietors. I thought ESPN’s job was to cover all sports and then along the way start making up shit!
Great, 38 times a day, 12 different shows, but only 24 hours in a day…Awesome! This certainly means only one thing and it’s quite apparent we’re heading in that direction…Get ready to hear these guys completely rip the life out of any and every headline that might pan across the NFL landscape this upcoming year! And you thought the in-laws nagged your ass for screwing up Thanksgiving dinner!
I think it’s about time we let George Wiener Bush and Homeland Security in on a little secret…That Bristol is a pipeline for weapons of mass destruction and we feel for this to be a safer country the “Shock & Awe II” blueprints need to be drawn up! Hey George, here’s a quick fix for you to change your Presidential legacy for the better and go down as one of the best Presidents this country has ever seen by wiping out Bristol once and for all! Help us save not just football, but all sports from this “Sports Dictatorship”! The terror alert on sports, thanks to this cell, has gotten far to out of control to turn a blind eye to it any longer, Mr. Wiener!
ESPN’s NFL lineup…Read it and weep guys and gals…
Sunday NFL Countdown (ESPN): Host – Chris Berman Analysts – Mike Ditka, Tom Jackson, Keyshawn Johnson, Emmitt Smith and Chris Mortensen Stadium Reporters – Bob Holtzman, Rachel Nichols, Wendi Nix, Sal Paolantonio and Ed Werder Feature reporters – Greg Garber, Kenny Mayne and Nichols.
NFL Live (ESPN): Host – Trey Wingo Analysts – Merrill Hoge and Mark Schlereth
NFL PrimeTime (ESPN): Host – Trey Wingo Analysts – Mike Ditka, Merril Hoge and Mark Schlereth.
Monday Night Countdown (ESPN): Hosts – Chris Berman (Bristol) and Stuart Scott (MNF city) Analysts – Mike Ditka, Tom Jackson, Keyshawn Johnson, Chris Mortensen and Bill Parcells (Bristol); Emmitt Smith and Steve Young (MNF city)
Monday Night Football (ABC): Play by Play- Mike Tirico Analysts- Ron Jaworski and Tony Kornheiser
NFL Match-Up (ESPN): Host- Sal Palantonio Analysts- Ron Jaworski and Merril Hoge
Football Friday (ESPN News): Host- Stan Verrett
ESPNEWS Fantasy Insider (ESPN News): Host- Matthew Berry (aka The Talented Mr. Roto) Analysts- Howie Schwab and Merril Hoge
Countdown to Kick Off Sunday (ESPN Radio): Host- Joe D'Ambrosio
The NFL on ESPN Radio (ESPN Radio): Host- John Siebel Analysts- Jeremy Green and Sean Salisbury
Although I’ll be honest they did miss a couple…. Winning your weekly Fantasy Football Matchup: Host: The one, the only dull ole man himself…Tony Kornheiser
How not to try and catch a football with the eye socket: Host: Stuart Scott
