ESPN Chases Barry Bonds Into My Living Room: Bonds, ESPN Refuse To Leave
| 10
|
by Alumnigonzo
So what’s up with all these milestones? Barry Bonds is sitting on 754 home runs. Tom Glavine is sitting on 299 wins. A-Rod is sitting on 499 homers. Elijah Dukes is sitting on 5 years probation. When will everyone finally break through? These are the questions that we as baseball fans are so excited about finding the answers to – or something like that.
Do I give a sh*t when Barry Bonds hits the “historic” homeruns? No, not really. I mean this just keeps going forever. All season it’s all we’ve heard about. When will he hit homeruns? Where will he hit them? Will Bud Selig be present?
If Barry Bonds is Wendy Peffercorn, then ESPN is Michael Squints Palledorus.
Who gives a sh*t. I don’t care if Bud Selig is f*cking Chris Berman when Bonds cranks number 756. I just wish this whole thing would be over. Let Barry Bonds retire. Let A-Rod obliterate whatever meaningless number Bonds ends on.
You think the Barry Bonds chase it’s a sh*tstorm. Wait until you see the clusterf*ck that is “A-Rod’s Chase For Baseball History!” There will be SportsCenter segments about SportsCenter segments about A-Rod.
SportsCenter will be an A-Rod Sandwhich made on All-A-Rod bread with A-Rod-ican Cheese and plenty of Spicy Yellow A-Rod. And what’s up with that PTI inspired schedule on the side of SportsCenter? Hmm?
We, the sports-consuming American public can’t handle the surprise that is entailed when our anchors switch from Yankee highlights to Twins highlights?
Me: HOLY SH*T! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
Roommate Justin: What? What’s wrong?
Me: They were just showing highlights of the Cardinals game…then all of a sudden they were talking about Kobe Bryant! I wasn’t prepared for that sh*t!
Roommate Justin: Really? I have no idea. Let’s hide in the bomb shelter until this passes.
Me: Good idea. ESPN can’t be f*cking with my psyche like that.
I wonder why ESPN does this? Maybe it’s because people can now plan when they are going to walk out of the room or change the channel because they are so sick of the over-coverage of something that they desperately don’t give a sh*t about.
For instance: NASCAR, Barry Bonds, Tour de France, and Barry Bonds.
We all know Bonds is going to break the record. It’s just a matter of ESPN not covering a game and B-squared getting some pitches to hit – and then what? A week long celebration by no one about something only Bud Selig, Hank Aaron and Tim Kurkjian care about. Seriosuly I can’t wait for Bonds to break the record so we can go back to a third of every SportsCenter being centered around the Yankees*.
- And I hate the Yankees.
