Dwight Gooden’s a Free Man, but How Long Will it Last?
| 6
|
by user LastRow
In the latest news coming out of our fine and very well respected penitentiaries, Inmate #45446561667 walked out of prison this morning…Free at last! Yep, no more being Big Bubba’s Little Butterscotch. How does this relate to the sporting world? A very good question. LastRowSports.com can confirm that Inmate #45446561667 was none other than Dwight Gooden’s playing number during his stint with the Gainesville Correctional Institution. Yes indeed, this 41-year old is a free man once again…Although, the question is for how long? Do I have any takers?
A man of many uniforms
Since this is baseball’s off season, it’s more than likely Dwight will take some time to himself after his seven month term for GCI…Although considering he signed a 366 day contract, he shouldn’t be that tired. However, if he is I’m sure he can find out where, when, and how to get that extra high leg kick back in his step! No, Rockstar, Red Bull, or No Fear drinks are needed! See, once one is a delinquent, they’re always a delinquent…It’s kind of like saying, if one comes from a “big boned” family, chances are the skinny person you appear to be now, will grow and blossom over the years until one day you can enter that “Look Alike Grimice Contest” at McDonald’s.
With somebody who has had more brushes with the law than does John Daly has marriages…Well, that’s just not a good thing. Which leads me to this. What will happen first? Will John Daly get hitched again which would run the total to five or will Dwight Gooden become Big Bubba’s Little Butterscotch again for who knows how many times that would be? Right now, I have this at a PUSH! Although I do know the demons that Dwight is having and has fought with over his sorry 41-years…For I’ve too have battled addictions! Everytime I roll on into strip clubs, the demons just come flowing out of me! Is there any worse kind of drug than 10 Michalob Ultra’s, and naked women shaking what their mommas gave them in your face. Well for me, I can honestly answer…That would be a NO! However I must say, I haven’t crossed over into using cocaine, so perhaps I don’t know what I’m talking about or missing out on? I just know suffering from asthma, at times I haven’t made it out of strip clubs alive…Although, if I do cross the line, Dwight will be the first one I call.
So where & when will Dwight appear next behind bars…Your guess is as good as mine, although we all know it’s coming at some point. Twenty years have gone by since Dwight first started to get in good with various law enforcement agencies and ironically he has another thing in common with Darryl Strawberry. It was Darryl who was released from this same Correctional Institution back on April 8, 2003, (Happy Birthday Mom!). Boy can you imagine the stories this dynamic duo could tell? From playing Major League Baseball, to Winning a World Series…Doing White Lines in the Clubhouse, to running and fleeing police, to maybe even sharing the same hole up in Gainesville. You talk about priceless stories…You can’t make this shit up! Is it just me, or shouldn’t these two druggies get together and collaborate on a book? From their book sales, they could split the profits and do what they do best…Snort Up!
Well, the time has come for me to wrap this puppy up! I must log on to Ebay now and see if I can find myself a Dwight Gooden Inmate #45446561667 Gainesville Correctional Institution Throwback. Rumor has it Mitchell & Ness bought the exclusive rights to produce them. I want to buy one ASAP because there’s no telling how soon Dwight will get picked up on the waiver wire and will most likely be sporting a different number for his new team! Plus, I hear you can get “IT” on Ebay!
LastRowSports.com “Pick’em Poll” wants your vote to determine “Sideline Reporting at its Finest?”. If you don’t vote we’ll, assume two things…You either have the mentality of the 83-year old Andy Rooney or the possible that you might be gay. If George “Winer” Bush can get your vote, surely these lovely sideline reporters can as well! Get out and rock the vote, don’t do it for me, do it for Stacy, Erin and/or Bonnie! Don’t they deserve some loving after all the sideline information the bring to us?
