Dude Nearly Gets Castrated Over T-Shirt…ZING!
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by LastRow
As sports fans we always joke about what in the hell Virginia Tech’s mascot really is. Truth of the matter, a "Hokie" turns out to be really nothing. So then why do they have that turkey-like thingy as their mascot? Very confusing…Why does Alabama have an elephant as theirs? Or why is Auburn dubbed the Tigers, but have a damn "War Eagle" cry? Like I said, very confusing! For many, we’ve always assumed that a "Hokie" was always a castrated turkey for some reason or another. Why? Don’t ask…It goes in the same category with why are all of us attracted to females pushing maximum density at anytime past two in the morning? Some things are just unexplainable!
Turns out though if Virginia Tech was really in the market for a castrated turkey as a mascot they just might want to get in touch with a dude by the name of Brian Christopher Thomas…Although, have it be known that Allen Michael Beckett has already done that, so to speak in your run of the mill bloody watering hole skirmish involving a crazed Oklahoma fan and some poor sap who walked into a bar wearing a Texas Longhorns T-shirt somewhere down the dirt roads in Oklahoma. Although that should go without saying…Where else do people use their middle names as a second first name. This wasn’t just any skirmish though, oh, no, no, no…That’s not how OU Nation does it! It left Mr. BCT, (the Texas-shirt-wearing fan) nearly castrated and an Oklahoma fan facing aggravated assault charges that could put him in prison for up to five years. You talk about your YEEHAW’S!
No, we’re not talking third grade "I hit little Johnny in his family jewels" here… "Let’s all laugh while he pretends he’s the Hunchback of Notre Dame for a bit." No, why that’s childish play! I’m talking, "grab him in the crotch, all the while pulling him to the ground and not letting go, even as bar patrons tried to break it up," when the SOB tries to pay his tab! Yes sir, now that’s what I’m talking about! You don’t come into Spooner Land wearing the Bevo shirt without paying a price!
When the two men were separated, Thomas looked down and realized the extent of his injuries. His grapes were suddenly the size of watermelons…Sporting that ravishing look of Jen Sterger’s bust size. Please note, the look is far more appealing on her than Mr. BCT! To make matters worse, listen to what Thomas’s attorney had to say…"He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body," said, Carl Hughes. "He was wearing a pair of white shorts, which made it that much worse." Giving a entire different perspective on the whole wet t-shirt contest. Sad but true…It took more than 60 stitches to close the wound. That’s called a double ZING!
The shocking case of giving new meaning to the phrase "Ball Busters" has set off a raging debate in this football-crazed region about the extreme passions behind a bitter rivalry. Some legal observers have even questioned whether this case could ever truly have an impartial jury. Although what comes as even more of a shocker, Spooner fans are supporting this guy turned Tony Soprano in the Heartland. "I've actually heard callers on talk radio say that this guy deserved what he got for wearing a Texas T-shirt into a bar in the middle of Sooner country," said Irven Box, an attorney in this city 20 miles from Oklahoma's campus in Norman. Okay, we all love our college pigskin far more than we love our ball-n-chain, but this is a little over the top! Trash talking is all a part of sports, but going Bob Barker on someone and try to help control the pet population in the "Watering Hole Showdown", well…I’m flabbergasted to say the least!
Look, we’re all like Beckett and Thomas, many fans of the two college squads never attended either university, but have come to identify so closely with these teams that they attach banners to their cars, wear team colors on game day and even have programmed their car horns to play school fight songs. We all wear shirts showing who we are backers of…Going into opponents stadium and hostile venues…Bearing all the comments that come our way or even further. We never think twice about it… For we are passionate about our teams and our universities, and that's a good thing, It’s all part of sports…. However, when you mix a real passionate sports fan and then get a little alcohol in there, well I guess we should start protecting our buddies downstairs, fellas! Which now means there’s definitely a market for "team" jock straps…"Helping fans to protect their investments for a lifetime!" Look for them in the very near future at Dick’s Sporting Goods…The exclusive supplier of this product!
Now there’s always two sides to every story, so "the dog ate my homework side of it" AKA The Spooner Ball Buster himself admits to commenting about Thomas' shirt, but said it was just good-natured ribbing and that he apologized to Thomas when it appeared to upset the Texas fan. Further saying, Thomas approached the bar and threatened him. And of course Thomas' attorney disputes Beckett's version. "That's total malarkey," Hughes said. "My client never said a word to him. He got up to pay and when he paid and left a tip, the guy grabbed him." Aw yes, you know you’re in the rural surroundings of "Nowhereville" when the bar is called "Rehab" and attorneys are throwing around million dollar words such as "malarkey"!
I’d just like to take this time to mention…You know how we all hate jury duty with a passion, well I’m sure I’m not the only one to sit on this jury!! Perhaps CourtTV will be there to bring it to us? I’d also like to get Nancy Grace’s take on this one…Her legality expertise drives me Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! In addition, perhaps ESPN will be on the scene too…Taking this opportunity to broadcast the trial over on ESPN U, with play-by-play from the one, the only Roger Cossack.
Thomas, who became a Texas fan during the heyday of star running back Earl Campbell, is still recovering from his injuries. However, he has returned to work. Get this…As a meat cutter at a Sam's Club warehouse store. Gosh, somebody has to phone Hollywood…This story is just too good to past up! And perhaps the Virginia Tech mascot can play the part of one Mr. Brian Christopher Thomas.
