Dolphins to Hold Open Tryouts as Culpepper Grabs a Seat & Pouts

by user LastRow

There isn’t anybody out there who would say losing a job is fun…It’s like having John L. Smith bitch slap you right across the face. Although in sports, losing ones job doesn’t necessarily mean such…Why all this usually means is going from first team to second. It’s definitely not as bad as being a runner-up in a beauty padget though. So why then did Daunte Culpepper throw a temper tantrum…By the way, a tantrum that would make any four-year old jealous, when coach St. Nick told him to grab a clipboard & go sit in the corner instead of a grabbing his helmet & go play with his friends on Sunday against New England. Can’t we all hear him now…”I was brought in for this”!

Daunte loses his starting job to Joey Harrington, are you kidding me? Now there’s something nobody thought they would ever hear. I don’t suppose this would have anything to do with his struggles with his mobility and a right shoulder bruise, now would it? Lack of mobility, now isn’t that something…Could that be directed at him shredding his knee last year in Minnesota, hmm? Now I wonder why on earth they wanted to get rid of his sorry, fat ass…The picture is becoming all so clearer now. Nick Saban thought he was getting a steal when the Vikes decided to deport his ass to Miami (no pun intended), however that same old saying of “There’s a sucker born every minute,”…Well, Saban’s has proved once again there’s some truth to it.

Should this come as no surprise…Good question, after all the guy’s knee looked like Greg “The Hammer” Valentine just released it from a figure-four leg lock. Was the “realistic expectations” coming into this season unrealistic…There’s no question. Although what’s better…A broken down Culpepper or a healthy Joey Harrington? That’s too close for me to call…That’s why Saban gets paid the big bucks. Unfortunately for him, he’s not getting the answers he’s looking for either…Big surprise, right. When you have “Dumb & Dumber” as your number one & two quarterbacks one tends to throw temper tantrums on the sidelines in Foxboro. Hey Nick, you made this bed you’re sleeping in, how does it feel? Normally when a coach makes a change at the quarterback position, it’s usually to produce a different outcome. Well guess what, you still lost, bud…. Harrington was 26-of-41 for 232 yards, but he threw two critical interceptions (in typical Harrington fashion) and didn't have a touchdown pass. Though he set up the Pats nicely for a couple scores.

Anybody smart (key word being smart) could’ve told you don’t make Dumb & Dumber your quarterbacks. Just like they most likely told you don’t bring Ricky Williams back either…How’d that work out for you? See for some odd reason you too give second chances too often, so far everyone of them has bitten you in the ass. Now in that respect, you should be commended, but when you’re trying to win football games & keep a job, well…Might it be to soon to start calling for a POD? And it too late to bring back Jay Fielder?

The way I look at it Culpepper should be happy he’s in the position he’s in! You figure if he stayed in Minnesota, he’d be second fiddle anyway to Brad Johnson. It’s about time he faces the music…He’s never going to be what he once was, we saw that last year before the injury. Without Randy Moss, there’s really nothing to him. I’m sure people will disagree with that, but most likely they’re the same people who thought Joey was going to be good too. To think with all the offseason news surrounding the signings of “Dumb & Dumber”, the year’s edition of the Floundering Fish could be worse than last. Is it too early yet to give Marcus Vick a try?

As Nick Saban searches for answers at the quarterback position in South Florida, thanks to the fine folks at LastRowSports.com, we’re proud to announce that Saint Nick has recognized this dilemma and has come up with a very good solution…Well, we think it is? Hell, it can’t be any worse. Sometime during this coming week the Dolphins are scheduled to hold open tryouts for the starting quarterback position for this week’s game against the New York Jets. These tryouts are open to anybody who thinks they have the abilities to do a better job than “Dumb & Dumber” have combined to do so far this season. "The guy I’m looking for…He's a pit bull, kicking in the corner, giving his last breath," Saban said. "He'll put his career on the line for the team. I love that in a guy. I love it."

Though this is top-secret, LastRowSports.com has learned some of the participants who will be down in Davie trying out…It’s a very impressive list. Among them are Bob Griese, Dan Marino, Joe Theismann, Jeff George, Joe Natmath, Kenny Stabler….These are just some of the big names. In addition there will be a couple of local pizza delivery drivers, UPS & Fedex drivers, a few postman, couple paperboys, a very popular milkman, and a few others. Several current Dolphin players confirmed to LastRowSports.com, but simply called it "family business," and declined further comment. We tried to get some answers from Culpepper himself about this developing story…All he could find the words to say was…“I was brought in for this”! Where have we heard that same line before, hmmm? We know Daunte, it’s a hard knock life…Go ahead & brush your shoulder off. While we can’t yet confirm who exactly will be there for this unprecedented open tryouts, one name that won’t be appearing on the list is that of Mr. Drew Brees. Seems as if he’s busy and has to prepare to face a Philadelphia Eagles defense…Wonder what that’s all about? Oh well…What could have been? However, LastRowSports.com has also learned those paperboys who are going to get a look this week have canons for arms. In addition, their mobility is second to none on those bicycles. Don’t worry Phoney Fish fans, help is on the way…And if this doesn’t work, Saban could very need that POD?

We’ll be on the lookout for this kind of thing to appear in the Pittsburgh region in the very near future!

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