Detroit Sports Review: 1FD's Christmas List for each Detroit team...
| 15
|
by Oneflydude
Christmas is coming up and many people are asking Santa for gifts. I will be asking him for things other than presents wrapped in some lame ass, colored paper. I decided to make a Christmas list just for the hell of it. You guys haven't seen the fun side of me yet, so since it's Christmas time, why not show it to you guys now. Being the bais Detroit fan that I am, I will be giving Santa ten Christmas wishes for all four of my Detroit teams. You think Santa will grant 40 wishes for me? I don't know either but here are my Christmas wishes for each team..
Detroit Pistons
1) I want Flip Saunders to get past the Eastern Conference Finals this year.
2) I want Rasheed Wallace to use Rogaine so that he can get that bald spot out of his head.
3) I want Lindsey Hunter to just give up playing basketball and leave so he can make space for the other young guards.
4) I want Rip Hamilton to learn how to make a wide open layup. Oh, and can he learn how to play defense too?
5) I want Tayshaun Prince to get a tan so that he doesn't look albino anymore.
6) I want the Pistons to learn how to play well on their West coast road trips.
7) I want Rasheed Wallace to stop whining after every foul that he 'doesn't' commit.
8) I want Flip Saunders to run an effective zone defense to stop letting the opponents drive the ball to the whole.
9) I want Antonio McDyess to learn how to talk like a grown man, and stop sounding like a mix between Mike Tyson and Jimmy from South Park.
10) Last but not least, I want Amir Johnson to get some playing time so he doesn't stay on the bench and end up being the next Darko Milicic.
Detroit Tigers
1) I want Brandon Inge to get busted with steroids so all of his fans can get off of his nuts.
2) I want Brandon Inge to get traded for the prospects we gave up in the Dontrelle Willis and Miguel Cabrera trade.
3) I want to see Dontrelle Willis have a good 2008 season so he can shut up the racist Detroit fans for criticizing Dave Dombrowski for extending his contract.
4) I want Ivan Rodriguez to stop swinging at balls above his head and stop looking at strikes down the middle of the plate.
5) I want Gary Sheffield to stay healthy this year and not have to take his yearly cortizone shot(s).
6) I want Curtis Granderson to get some damn recognition, or at least more recognition than Grady Sizemore gets.
7) I want Jeremy Bonderman to figure out how to get out of the first inning without giving up six or seven runs; Bonderman's first inning ERA in '07 is 15.43.
8) I want Placido Polanco to stop being a p**sy and not sit out eight games with a sore throat.
9) I want the commentator, Rod Allen to stop saying, "Whoo! You couldn't sneak a piece of cheese past that rat!"
10) I want the third base coach, Gene Lamont to stop burning up runs by sending people home when the ball is already in the cutoff mans possesion.
Detroit Lions
1) I want Rod Marinelli to walk like a normal person. Not like someone that has s**t in their pants.
2) I want the Lions to get a new logo, so I won't have to look at that animal cracker on their helmet.
3) I want Mike Martz and Matt Millen gone.
4) I want the Lions front office to stop drafting great, young players because they're ruining their career by bringing them to Detroit (I have an article on that coming soon...).
5) I want the Lions to relocate to Lansing, Michigan, so when I tell somebody that I'm from Detroit, they don't automatically think about the Lions.
6) I want Jon Kitna to learn how to throw the ball to a 'reciever on the field', not a reciever that is on the sideline.
7) I want Cory Redding to get a sack, and stop letting that $49 million contract get to his head.
8) I want Lions fans to stop falling into the trap when the Lions go 6-2, because all they will do is get their heart broken.
9) I want Barry Sanders to come out of retirement and give the Lions a decent running game for at least one season.
10) I want the Lions to stop ruining the momentum of the good Detroit teams.
Detroit Red Wings
1) I want Dominik Hasek to be as good as Chris Osgood.
2) I want Wings fans to stop thinking that Dominik Hasek is better than Chris Osgood.
3) I want the Wings to not end up like the NHL's version of the [[New York Yankees]].
4) I would like for the Wings to go into Chicago and beat them, 10-0 (don't ask why).
5) I want the Wings to make the games exciting by NOT beating teams by three goals every night.
6) I want Henrik Zetterberg to stop taking slapshots on breakaways and shootouts.
7) I want more fighting from the Red Wings.
8) I want to think of more things to wish for from the Wings, but I can't because they're just too damn good.
9) I want to find other black people besides me watching Detroit hockey because I feel like I'm alone.
10) I want the Wings to put a woman on the ice to see if they could still win with her playing all game.
Just showing the fun side of me. And for your information, those are real wishes. One thing I do wish, is that all of you guys have a great Christmas holiday. Make sure you be safe and I hope you guys get what you want. Have a Holly Jolly Christmas and be blessed!!!
