Death is an Important Part of Life
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by user Manny Stiles
Recently, a sad event occurred in the Stiles household. One of the esteemed fauna inhabitants of the Stiles Family Ranch and Luxury Spa passed away. It was a peaceful passing; it was time's sands slipping through the fingers of who we are...what we've become...
Yesterday, a family pet fish; a Leopard Danio named 'Admiral Horatio Nelson 2', died. (He was spotted like a Jaguar so I almost named him "Fryling Leftwich") It was deemed to be of natural causes.
Death is an important part of life. It's not to be feared. It should be embraced in the same manner as how we did not fear being born. There is a time for everything and we cannot stand in it's way.
Now, manny of you know me as shamelessly self-promoting nonsensical irritant, compulsive non-logger-inner, annoying over-commenter/over-hyphen/over-slashingater or as some freek dangling upside-down on the crazy/genius electric fence writing sportssportssportssports articles all day. In reality, I'm a microphone-busting, rapping stockbroker/tattoo artist/aspiring screenwriter.
It's ALL true, but did you know I am also an ordained minister? Also 100% true! Some of my duties include holding sacred ceremonies, performing weddings and directing eulogies. I do pet funerals. Solemn, dignified pet funerals...
You might never have noticed because I'm not 'religious'; I'm spiritual. But I'm not in your face about it. Your God doesn't need MY help talking to you, you just need to listen to it yourself. Besides, I have 2 religions! And I only write about one of those religions here on ArmchairGM.com - SPORTS!!!
- note - if you've read this far and DON'T have a headache, you MIGHT want to consult a medical professional
Good Point, A-hole! What the hell does any of this have to do with anything about anything (Hello! SPORTS WIKI SITE STILES!!!) What's next? politics???
Well, ahem (clears throat) I do have Gerald Ford in my Celebrity Death pool...
I feel like a cross between Rodney Dangerfield and LastRow.
- Q. what's the difference between a dirty old man and any other guy? A. - one of them is old!
Hey! no respect I tells ya!
I wanted you to know how I feel about death, first. It is serious and I respect people's wishes as it is a moment you and the deceased have for the rest of your life.
(Cliche alert) That being said, it doesn't need to be said at the end of the day, death CAN sometimes be funny (especially when it's NOT you). However, that's not my point either! As I performed the remembrance service today, I couldn't help to think what almost was and what almost could be and "What if Byron Leftwich were to die of some freek accident?"
I've stalled enough...
Let's start a Sports Death Pool!
We'll call it "Manny Stiles 'Who gets drafted next? Sports Death Pool"
again, disclaimer - I do NOT think 'Death Pool" is a hilarious term. I rescued my 3-year old daughter in a near-drowning incident this summer and can seriously understand why someone could be offended by such a poignant term as "Death Pool". Please, do not be offended, as I'm not the creator of the game, merely a enthralled participant. Save the offended respomses for my other articles and simply ignore this one if you choose. (ufckign sentisive upssies)
2006 has been a pretty lame year for celebrity deaths. Slobarod Milosevic, Don Knotts, Ken Lay (Enron Guy), probably Fidel Castro and Gerald Ford too, before the year ends... well, at least they're all 'evil' people, ya know?
There's been an extended sports death lull... since Kirby Puckett - Ironhead Heywood, Floyd Pattersen, Steve Howe... Steve Mizerak had some O!F back in the day! ...let me check the headlines before I post this... the storm is coming, my friends! 2006 is gonna end with a flurry, I can feel it!
Take three people's names from ANYWHERE in sports, pick them for ANY reason, even if you really want them dead, I don't care... and I'll keep track on another favorite 'reference' site I peruse often. When someone in Sports that YOU listed dies, you win Stiles points AND THREE more picks (more picks better your odds of winning again)! But then it keeps going...
I don't know what you'll win yet, but the more off-the-wall guesses you take, the MORE points you'll get and the CRAZIER it will be when it happens! Also, anyone is eligible. Don't worry if someone picked Art Modell, Jay Mariotti or JD Drew already... you can too! (what's the odds Christof threw batteries back in the day? Here's your Friday Fryer F'real, pal!!!)!
Hopefully we don't have some major catastrophe decide the winners. Like some earthquake that kills 3 million Southern Californians, wait... is that such a bad thing? Ah, you know "I'm kidding" (which is code to all non- Southern Californians meaning "I'm not kidding" so you can nod along)
- Don't worry, I checked - as long as we don't bet or profit directly, indirectly or even erectly from the game, use any Creole voodoo or burn effigies, (I guess shamanistic magic is ok, but who has skamaria pastora, dragon's blood and a bag of winds just sitting around to waste on famous people? Plus, I'm fresh out of the neccessary Leopard Danio eyes) it's NOT bad kharma. It's merely just heartless, cold-blooded and disgustingly masochistic ENTERTAINMENT. So, you know... it's FUN!!!
It's like a fantasy league based on reality!
Either way, you've been submoderately warned. Just remember, It's NOT my fault if you pick T. Eldorad Owens and he dies of acute hoof-in-mouth disease and proceeds to haunt your X Box. Or if you pick Peyton Manning and he chokes to death (Um, uh, on Gatorade of course...yeah, that'll work) and you get attacked by his brain eating zombie-corpse (He's NOT a zombie? He always looks like that?)...once again, NOT my fault.
Just so you know... John Wooden is 95 years old, Buck O'Neil and Byron Nelson are 94, Sammy Baugh is 92, Red Auerbach, Phil Rizzuto, Lee McPhail, Ernie Harwell and Bobby Doerr are 88. That's if you want to go the conventional route... not that it really matters. For instance, my Grandmom is as ornery as a billy goat stuck in Aunt Esther's root cellar, daggumit - she'll be 102 in November!
- ArmchairGM Users and/or people who are already dead (have any Armchair Users passed on yet? I suppose it could be possible and we wouldn't even know?!?!) are INELIGIBLE for selection.
If you just start reading here, you really WON'T have missed a thing
Name YOUR THREE submissions for Manny Stiles' "Who's getting drafted next? Sports Death Pool below in comments.
P.S.- Hey, for you numbnutses out there! WARNING! FOR "SCIENTIFIC METHOD PURPOSES", PLEASE DO NOT NEGATIVE VOTE PEOPLE FOR THEIR SUBMISSIONS - I WANT ALL SUBMISSIONS TO BE CANDID AND CHOSEN WITHOUT FEAR OF NEGATIVE BACKLASH OR CRITICAL RETRIBUTION- Thank You (minus me all you want instead, bastards)
P.S.S. - I don't wanna do it, mostly out of laziness but if someone else gets a "Who in Sports gets Arrested NEXT? Pool" going, I will GLADLY cast my votes! (as long as you don't write a eleventy thousand word craparama about it like I just did...)
Thanks for assisting me in wasting your time! Get to it! Submit your Three names!!!
Date
Thu 08/24/06, 7:16 pm EST
