Dear Barry Bonds,
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We are writing to send you our deepest gratitude in light of your recent federal indictment. It has effectively made the rest of the sports world completely forget about our problems! But at the same time, we must tell you how sorry we are that you are the scapegoat for this performance enhancing drug influx. There are many, many more people who have tested positive for steroids or amphetamines and are not under as much scrutiny as you are. If it means anything, the only reason you have been featured on ESPN nearly all day today is because you are (well, were) such a great player, probably the best of our generation. We cannot wait until the Mitchell Report comes out so people can forget about us even more! Hey, maybe even some of the heat will come off of you! So keep your head up, have your day in court, and if it turns out that you need a cellmate, Vick said he’d ask for a transfer to California. Again, we’d like to thank you for distracting the world from all of our problems so they can focus on you; even though thousands of athletes in many different sports have done the exact same thing you have.
Sincerely,
Marion Jones, Mike Golic, Rafael Palmeiro, Michael Vick, Pacman Jones, Sammy Sosa, Ricky Williams, Mark McGwire, Gary Matthews Jr., Chris Henry, Tank Johnson, Shawne Merriman, Tim Montgomery, Pete Rose, Justin Gatlin, Floyd Landis, Jason Grimsley, Jason Giambi, Gary Sheffield, Jose Canseco, et al.
P.S. You should be in the hall of fame…you weren’t the only one.
