Deal in the works! Alex Rodriguez TRADED!!!
| 20
|
by user Manny Stiles
In the spirit of this, I bring you more of what you need...
An Alex Rodriguez trade is in the works!!
An original deal between the Yankees and the Cubs fell through after Lou Piniella attempted to steal Brian Cashman's wallet during negotiations.
A-Rod WILL be sent packing from the Yankees in a three way deal to the Cuidad Juarez Patrons of the semi-fictional Mexican Tequila League for a pile of toad guts. Also in the deal from the Patrons to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays goes a former phenom, 89-year-old lefty Fernando Valenzuela and from the Devil Rays to the Yankees, all future considerations in calling any Yankees-Rays game a home game for the Highlanders, plus acquisition rights to make Tampa Bay the Yanks' AAAA affiliate.
George Steinbrenner originally thought he'd be getting a prospect "with some guts" (unlike A-Rod) and Hideki Irabu. After having the deal explained to him further he agreed anyway.
Barry Bonds speaks out about Shawne Merriman
...says if Merriman acted more like a pretentious prick and media despising a-hole, people wouldn't try to defend him at all. Also suggested that Shawne look into getting a larger helmet to compensate for irregular cranium growth due to steroid use denial.
Mets and Yankees to play a 7 game World Series
...in the heads of every New Yorker for the rest of eternity. In the meantime, the rest of the world will continue to tune into the "Common Sense Channel"
Michael Jordan Unretiring again
...will come back as a player for the Charlotte Bobcats. Jordan states he is merely attempting to follow in the footsteps of his hero. Michael will also try on a new jersey number, becoming the first player in sports to don triple digits on a uni. The new number? 694.
Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers give back trophy
"We have clearly proved that we didn't deserve it", spat coach Bill Cowher.
"Take it, take it! Nooo! Get it AWAY from me!!! Aaaargh!!!" shouted QB Ben Roethlishizzleburger as he ran away defecating on himself.
Isiah Thomas blasts Greg Anthony for doubting his personnel moves
Thomas quoted as saying "I remember what kind of player Greg was".
Anthony replied "we'll all want to forget what kind of GM, coach and league president Isiah was".
Renaldo Balkman defended Thomas by stating "Yeah, I knew he was on crack. I was selling it to him. I tried to stop dealing to him, N***a was paging me 30 times a day, I told him 'no more'.... so that chickenhead drafted me!!! Hey man, you want two for five??"
Derek Jeter begins training for 2007
...prank calls David Ortiz and leaves messages on his answering machine in a girly voice "Hi, Big Papi, your second place MVP finish makes me HOT!" while admiring commercials of himself during the World Series on TV.
John Madden and EA Sports, Bigger than ever!
...calls Tiger Woods' and asks him how he can get some HGH from him to give to Brett Favre to allow him to play forever... Frank Caliendo had nothing to do with it.
NASCAR reveals study findings
They state that over 15% of their fan attendance is minorities. These numbers include special "Lynch seating" figures.
Kobe Bryant reveals impending sex and species change
...says he's so tired of being called a "bitch", he will get surgery to change him from a female dog to a real boy. He will continue to enjoy consuming protein rich dog food (some people call it "nutella"). Mambas around the world hiss in delight. Guiseppe was unavailable for comment.
College basketball shooting % steadily rising
...Off the court.
USA Soccer unveils plans for World Cup trophy case
The new trophy will be made of Brazilian Rain Forest wood, designed by Germans, assembled by skilled Italian craftsmen, finished by French surrender monkeys, polished with oil from the Middle East and scrutinized by English dignitaries in a sweatshop in China. In order to fit ALL of the U.S.'s trophies, the dimensions will be about the size of nothing. Total cost $2.4 billion.
World Series TV viewers in Detroit at all-time high
Also proven in a scientific study, people claiming they predicted the Tigers going to the Series, clearly getting more high than ever.
Arizona Cardinals to change team colors next season
To match performance, team will sport new pink, soft pink, yellow and 'manly soft red' as their main colors. Also negotiations have begun to force the Cardinals' opponents to play with belt-attached flags and under flag football rules as to allow them a sporting chance.
Denny Green is quoted as exploding "We are who they THOUGHT I thought we thought we were when we THOUGHT I thought we thought WE ARE, they were!!! You wanna crown us pink? Go ahead then, crown us!!" before taking his ball and going home.
In related news, Jeff Garcia asks for a tryout.
Buffalo Sabres still undefeated
...credit season's hot start to blindingly horrific new sweaters.
Tony LaRussa fesses up
It wasn't dirt! It was dog dirt from one of his many rescued pooches. Tony admitted that he tried to 'hot foot' Kenny Rogers. But after that was unsuccessful, he emptied the rosin bag and filled it with dogsh!t. Rogers couldn't tell the difference because he says "...it smelled just like everything else that comes out of my mouth"
Terrell Owens overdoses AGAIN!!!
Apparently this time, it's from foot medicine...
Eric "Pig Pen" Byrnes takes world media tour
...stops by World Series to fulfill the new "Diamondback in the booth quota" (Now that Luis Gonzalez will become a Devil Ray) and sets a new record for saying "You know what" the most times right before telling us what (even though he told us we already knew).
Ricky Williams breaks something else!!!
It's just not his year! Ricky fumbled then broke his bong. That's gonna make a mess... spilled right onto a plate of half-eaten Lucky Charms and moldy cream cheese.
Joe Buck is starting to suck
His new Holiday Inn commercials make him look like a total Shamalamadingdong.
Tim McCarver sucks!
Hey, this one is absolutely true!!!
freeking disclaimers
- This post contains no juice and less than 15% real sports.
- Do not shove this article into your eye or any open orifice.
- "Underachiever" is the new New York Yankees
- Side effects of reading Manny Stiles posts may include, but is not limited to headaches, nausea, extended angry sighing, lack of apathy, chronic eye rolling, and/or hysterical pregnancy.
- It's called "semi-retired" (Get me an Armchair Vest and I'll greet people at the door)
- If it's a stereotype, it's either definitely true, probably true, maybe true or not true at all! (Unless it's about you)
