D-Nice: Daisuke Matsuzaka
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by user Josh Q. Public
Josh Q. Public: You’ve got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning ’round.
Public Service Announcement:
OK, here we go! D-Nice. Daisuke Matsuzaka. You all know how crazy I am about this pick-up. Patsy Cline Crazy. Aerosmith Crazy. Whatever those sour grape eatin’ Yankee fans say, this was a smooth move Columbo. Boy Wonder and the Rabbi, Larry Lucchino, did this thing right. First off, they put up a boatload of money. A plethora of money. More money than you can shake a stick at. Put up all that Fabulous Moolah so no one else could touch him. Smart! Would you believe, Maxwell Smart? I would so much prefer they take a chance on this cat, and have him be a bust, than to watch him be a superstar somewhere else.
Then, after securing our boy, Sox management played Scott Boras like he was Barry Zuckercorn. Signed D-Nice for a cool 8.5 mil. Far below what everyone in the world thought he was going to get. About the same money Miguel Batsista got. Miguel freaking Batista. Miguel Batista a career 68-79 pitcher. Less than Gilgameche got. Gilgameche has a career 4.65 ERA. Are you kidding me? Tony Pino’s got nothing on our guys, Epstein and Lucchino. D-Nice is going to be the real thing. Coca-Cola style.
You don’t believe me, this is what Charlie Manuel said: ”I’ve watched him on video, and with his stuff, he could win 25 games in our league.” This is what Bobby Valentine said: “This guy is the real deal. He has the ability to be one of the top starters in M.L.B.” This is what one scout who asked not to be named said: ”It’s not only his stuff, his ability to pitch is even more impressive. He’s a bulldog.” If that’s an Orel Hershiser reference, I’m all for it. Do you know anyone in Red Sox nation who can wait to watch this cat pitch? I know I can’t. This I do know. I know he’s won everywhere he’s pitched. Mighty Vince Young style. I know he has absolutely filthy stuff. I know he won the MVP of the World Baseball Classic pitching against the baseball elite. Finished 3-0, 1.38 ERA in three WBC starts. Won three of Japan’s five total WBC wins. I know he has been clocked over 100 mph. I know he will help the Boston Red Sox. And you know what? That’s what it all comes down to.
He’s delightful, he’s delicious, he’s delectable, he’s delirious, he’s de limit, he’s deluxe, he’s de-lovely, he’s D-Nice although he hates to admit it, he’s taking out you suckers and you don’t know how he did it. Hey, all you suckers that bought the home Johnny Damon jerseys, how lucky are you?
They don’t stop and they don’t quit. The Bosox acquired former All-Star reliever Brendan Donnelly from the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim at Disney Land formerly California on Friday and agreed to contracts with left-hander J.C. Romero and backup catcher Doug Mirabelli. The hits just keep on hitting. Not for nothing, isn’t there anyone else in the world who can catch a knuckleball?
Peace out homies. Six two and Even! josh q. public
