Crystal Ball Predictions for 2007 - ArmChairGM.com Style

Well, with Christmas 2006 in the rear-view mirror and New Year's 2007 rapidly approaching, is it now time for us members of the ArmChairGM.com community to go on the record with our sporting predictions for 2007. Hence, this article will do just that.

Below this paragraph, my fellow reader, you will find predictions from members of the ArmChair community in regards to what 2007 will hold in the world of sports. For those who like to participate, simply click on the edit button above and predict away. ANd in roughly 365 days, we can look back at this article and see who is truly the sports prophet among us!

Christof

Ohio State will beat Florida by 14 to win the mystical national championship in Division I-A college football.
The Super Bowl will pit the New Orleans Saints against the San Diego Chargers. The Chargers will win by 10 points.
The Florida Gators will repeat as college basketball champions.
The Orlando Magic will win the NBA championship, defeating the Phoenix Suns in the NBA Finals.
The Anaheim Ducks will defeat the Buffalo Sabres to win the Stanley Cup.
Tiger Woods will win all four golf majors in 2007.
Marco Andretti wins his first Indianapolis 500 in May 2007.
Barry Bonds does not break Hank Aaron's home run record in 2007. Ryan Howard, however, whacks 70 home runs, drives in 165, and hits .320 while leading the Philadelphia Phillies back to the MLB playoffs for the first time since 1993.
The Philadelphia Phillies will then defeat the Oakland Athletics to win the World Series, thus ending Philadelphia championship drought streak at 24 years.
The top two teams in the BCS rankings come next December will be USC and Penn State. Joe Paterno states that he will coach at least until he is 90, health permitting.
The top two NFL teams next fall will be the Philadelphia Eagles and Tennessee Titans. Donovan McNabb will be named Comeback Player of the Year.

Alex Holowczak

Kimi Raikkonen will suffer a fatal accident, probably at Monza, leaving Fernando Alonso to become Formula One World Champion, and win his third title in a row. The track the accident occurs at will then be struck from the Formula One calendar, never to host another race.
Rex Grossman will be Super Bowl MVP to help the Chicago Bears win the Super Bowl.
Sidney Crosby will top the NHL Point Scorers list.
The Detroit Red Wings will choke yet again in the NHL Playoffs.
The Anaheim Ducks will win the Stanley Cup.
New Zealand will win the Rugby World Cup.
England will lose in the Quarter Finals of the Rugby World Cup.
Australia will win the Cricket World Cup.
England will go out of the Cricket World Cup at the Super 8 Stage.
Chelsea will win the Champions' League.
Manchester United will win the Premiership.
Stephen Hendry will win his eighth World Snooker Championship. The press will hence use the headline "Hendry the Eighth" to annoying proportions.
Alex Holowczak will win the 2007 ArmchairGM Fantasy Hockey League.
The MLB World Series will feature the New York Yankees and the New York Mets, with Pedro Martinez again coming back to haunt the Yankees as he did for the Boston Red Sox in 2004.

Davis21wylie

Ohio State will absolutely annihilate Florida in the BCS' latest sham title game. In fact, because the BCS is such a mockery, America finally gets its priorities straight and comes to its senses about the meaninglessness of sports in general. Mark my words, it'll be a dark day for everyone.
The New England Patriots will beat the Chicago Bears to win Super Bowl XLI; Bill Belichick celebrates by cutting everyone but Tom Brady.
Kevin Garnett will demand a trade to a contender, so inept GM Kevin McHale works out a deal with Maccabi Tel Aviv. Garnett then kills McHale in a Waco-style murder-suicide.
Philly slugger Ryan Howard will break Hack Wilson's RBI record; meanwhile, Philly hack Stephen A. Smith will be hacked to death with an icepick by a Quite Frankly viewer who simply could not take it anymore.
David Stern will introduce his new, 1984-esque Thought Police, a group of undercover coaches and scouts designed to keep players from committing thoughtcrime. But when they hook Ron Artest up to the special mind-reading machine, it explodes and kills Stern. Artest is not harmed.
In a surprise move, the NHL will lock out again. In response, Curling becomes North America's "fourth sport".
The Boston Red Sox will win the World Series, thanks to an inspired performance by their prized Asian pitcher. That's right, they re-acquire Byung-Hyun Kim at midseason...
Barry Bonds will break Hank Aaron's HR record, much to the chagrin of sports fans everywhere. After belting the record tater off Chan Ho Park, Bonds announces to the fans at Pac Bell that he never used steroids... but rather that he's an android -- and that the real Barry Bonds died seven years ago. Bud Selig promptly launches an investigation into the dangers of baseball-playing androids...
In a new, aggressive marketing campaign, every commercial during CBS' March Madness coverage will feature Mike Krzyzewski. Sadly, Duke will still choke their way out of the Tournament during the first weekend...
Roger Clemens will announce that he'll play for the Astros, Yankees, and Red Sox in 2007. Meanwhile, at his retirement press conference, Brett Favre will announce that the 2007 Packers are now officially the least-talented team he's ever been around.
Alex Rodriguez will die during Spring Training, having choked on a chicken bone at a Yankees post-game spread. Fittingly, Derek Jeter will decline to speak on his behalf at the funeral.

Marc Dworkin

UConn will make it to the Final Four.

Sasha

The Arizona Diamondbacks become the first team to win multiple world series in the twenty-first century.
Randy Johnson will rejoin the D-Backs and split the Cy Young and World Series MVP with Brandon Webb.
Barry Bonds will break the all time home run record and then releases blood samples that he has taken for the past ten years that he has kept for "personal use", the samples reveled that...
The University of Arizona basketball team will win the NCAA basketball championship.
The Tucson High Badgers football team will make a complete reversal and go 10 and 0
Any and every team and player that I, Sasha, like will win big.
Russ Ortiz will be killed in a robbery gone bad that goes unsolved. Amazingly, the Arizona Diamondbacks will suddenly have the exact amount stolen from Ortiz in their budget, and they also don't have to pay him the remaining amount on the contract.
Oh and finally Carl Pavano will contract Small Pox neglect to tell the New York Yankees and infect the entire clubhouse. Casualties will be high and Jeter will be lost, his funeral cortege will be miles long and George Steinbrenner will actually cry.

Chachi

The Ohio State University wins the National Championship over the University of Florida, advances to the Final Four and in a suprise move, Greg Oden returns for his sophmore year to try and lead the Bucks to an NCAA title in '08.
The San Diego Chargers defeat the New Orleans Saints in the Super Bowl vindicating Marty Schottenheimer's career and making Browns fans everywhere destroy their televisions.
The New York Yankees win the World Series and Andy Pettitte and Roger Clemens are named Co-MVPs.
The Boston Red Sox miss the playoffs for the second straight year. Season highlights include Manny Ramirez taking naps in left field, J.D. Drew missing 80 games with a hang nail and Daisuke Matsuzaka's right arm falling off.
The Cleveland Browns finally draft a (quality) lineman in the first round!
A Cincinnati Bengals player kills somebody while commiting grand larceny and being high on crystal meth. Marvin Lewis is considering cutting him.

Phoenix Superfan

January - Despite finishing the season 7-9 the New York Giants make the playoffs anyway in the dismal NFC. Tiki Barber complains that this is going to interfere with his plans to be a studio host for FOX during the playoffs, but since he is a team guy he will play anyway. He is later suspended from the game for only being four minutes early to one of Tom Coughlin’s meetings after getting held up late at an audition for Dancing with the Stars.
An anonymous source leaks out information that Mark McGwire did not receive the votes necessary to be elected to the Hall of Fame on the first ballot. In other news, Chargers Linebacker Shawne Merriman is named the NFL’s Defensive Player of the Year.
February - In a shocking rematch, Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys meet up with Vince Young and the Tennessee Titans in the Superbowl. Late in the second quarter with Tennessee down 28-0 Albert Haynesworth blows out his ACL stomping on Romo’s face. Drew Bledsoe enters the game and throws 4 interceptions while Young leads Tennessee back to an astonishing victory. Jessica Simpson and Carry Underwood announce that they will not be seen in public with the mangled Romo and that they are going to Disneyland, with Vince Young. Bill Parcells spends the off season choking on his own bile.
Mike Tyson starts another barnstorming tour, except this time he takes the term a little too literally and announces that he is going to start slaughtering pigs with his bare hands. The Spike Network picks it up and adds segments with John Rocker throwing baseballs at chickens, Joey Porter’s dogs killing cattle, and Latrell Sprewell milking cows. Sadly, it gets better ratings than the NHL All-Star Game.
Tony Stewart wins the Daytona 500, and in his tradition, that he ripped off from Helio Castroneves, he scales the fence in celebration. Just as he gets to the top he slips and falls 30 feet back down onto the track breaking both of his legs. He misses the rest of the season. On the bright side, he finally gets to make use of all those free Redskins tickets he’s been getting.
March -Duke becomes the first #1 seed to ever lose to a #16 seed in the NCAA Tournament getting knocked off by Binghamton. For the next four weeks Mike Krzyzewski reminds us that American Express is his card.
Vince Young announces that Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood are both pregnant with his kids and that he is going to name them Matt and Reggie.
Barry Bonds reports to training camp, except this year instead of Paula Abdul he is dressed as Randy Jackson, before weight loss surgery. He also brings his dog pound along with him, the pit bulls that were confiscated from Tank Johnson.
April - A suicide note is posted on the website tonyhomo.com. The following day Drew Bledsoe is found dead in a hotel room surrounded by photos of Tom Brady, Tony Romo and a small spiral notebook with the words “laces out” scribbled on every page. Terrell Owens goes on record saying that the Cowboys would have been better off with Brett Favre and “I wasn’t the one who got his face stomped in the Superbowl.” The following day Bill Parcells states that “the wide receiver” won’t be back with the Cowboys next year.
A 150 pound Mark McGwire qualifies for the Masters, but is disqualified after the opening round at Augusta when he refuses to sign his scorecard.
May - Tank Johnson finally decides to live up to his name and goes tearing through the streets of downtown Chicago, in a tank. President Bush says that he will not rest until Tank Johnson is found. Bears Coach Lovie Smith announces that Tank Johnson is “really” on thin ice with the Bears now. Johnson is never found after he spends the next few months hiding in a remote cave, The United Center during Blackhawk’s games.
Ed Carpenter’s engine blows up early on in the Indianapolis 500. After the race it is discovered that Danica Patrick had stuffed a tampon into his exhaust pipe.
Kobe Bryant scores 101 points in Game 7 as the Lakers upset Phoenix in the second round of the Western Conference playoffs. After the series Steve Nash says that he doesn’t think the Suns ever got used to the old ball again. Meanwhile in the Eastern Conference Gilbert Arenas is averaging 60 points a game for the Wizards. Hibachi sales skyrocket.
June - The Lakers and Wizards meet for the NBA Championship, but before the series Kobe Bryant announces that he is going to stop trying to score. Amazingly, the Lakers sweep the Wizards in four games without Kobe Bryant scoring a single point. He instead plays stifling defense and holds Arenas scoreless for the series as well. At the post game press conference Bryant says, “I don’t think Gilbert Arenas was conscious.” A few months later Phil Jackson comes out with a memoir entitled “The Last Reason,” in which he reveals that Kobe Bryant has become much more coachable since he started smoking weed with Lamar Odom.
Ben Roethlisberger is visiting troops over in Iraq when a building that he is in gets blown up. He suffers a concussion and a couple of broken ribs but otherwise feels like he should be good to go by the start of training camp.
Anaheim defeats Atlanta in the Stanley Cup Finals. The following day Canada declares war on the US. Two days later the 2007-2008 NHL Season begins and Canada forgets all about the war. Molson stock doubles.
July - Reigning hot dog eating champion Takeru Kobayashi withdraws from the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest at the last minute after learning that Charles Barkley and John Daly plan on entering. He changes his mind and gives it a go after all when he finds out that they have a bet going.
The Arizona Cardinals announce that they are going to play all of their 2007 home games with the field rolled out.
After he can’t find an NFL team willing to sign him Terrell Owens decides to join Ricky Williams on the Toronto Argonauts. After practice Williams asks Owens if he knows where to score any Vicodin.
August - Ken Griffey Jr. tears his hamstring playing basketball in his driveway with Grant Hill and misses the rest of the season.
ESPN’s NASCAR coverage hits a bump in the road when they don’t realize that the race at Bristol is actually in Tennessee.
Brett Favre announces that he is coming back for one more season. The Packers tell him thanks but no thanks, and that they are bringing in Ryan Leaf in an effort to cut down on interceptions. Favre decides to join the Toronto Argonauts, and Terrell Owens immediately announces that they would be better off with Doug Flutie. After practice Favre asks Owens if he knows where to score any Vicodin.
September - Terrell Owens’ children’s book “Little T Learns to Share” becomes a bestseller in Canada. However, unhappy with the exchange rate of the Canadian Dollar Drew Rosenhaus threatens to take Owens to the English Premier League if Canada doesn’t do something to strengthen its economy. Owens gets deported back to the US and spends the following day kicking soccer balls against his garage door surrounded by 400 reporters and camera crews. Rosenhaus has no comment. Owens says that Brett Favre is gay.
Barry Bonds hits his 754th home run with 10 games left to play in the season and the Giants 1 game ahead of the Dodgers in the NL West. He then announces that he is taking the rest of the year off, explaining, “no one thinks I am as big of an asshole as Terrell Owens anymore.” He unleashes his “dog pound” on the media and hops into a get away car driven by Greg Anderson.
Tiki Barber joins the Sunday Night Football crew alongside John Madden and Al Michaels. Upset that Owens sold more books than him Barber decides to start reading his own children’s book “Game Day” on the air during the fourth quarter of a blow out. Madden starts making sound effects like “boom” and shows us what’s going on in the story with the telestrator. Michaels doesn’t notice and continues to make comments like, “Oakland is down by 28 late in the fourth quarter, if they don’t get something going here they are really in trouble.
$112 million man Barry Zito starts all three games of the Giants season ending series at Los Angeles. The Giants sweep the Dodgers to win the division but Zito has to have Tommy John surgery the following day. Barry Bonds says that it really hurt his feelings that the Giants would sign another player named Barry.
October - NBA Commissioner David Stern announces that since the composite leather ball didn’t work out so well that the league would instead switch to composite leather shoes. The players complain to no avail until Stern finally relents halfway through the season after a string of shoe related ankle injuries. Nike stock triples as teams scramble to switch back to the old shoe and Michael Jordan surpasses Bill Gates as the richest man in the world. After the switch back, Steve Nash quips, “I don’t think Peyton Manning and Tom Brady would appreciate having to play in Stiletto Heels.”
The Yankees get eliminated in the first round of the playoffs by Oakland making for a 7th consecutive season without a championship for the big spending Bronx Bombers. ESPN spends the next two weeks speculating that Joe Torre and/or Brian Cashman is about to get fired. George Steinbrenner finally announces that they are both coming back, again. The following day they are photographed leaving a bath house with Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez.
With Bonds back for the playoffs, since the stats don’t count, and well rested the Giants cruise through the National League Playoffs and meet up with the Detroit Tigers in the World Series. Despite Bonds homering 12 times in the first 6 games of the World Series it is deadlocked 3-3 with Game 7 in Detroit. After the game Bonds is photographed leaving the stadium with Barbaro’s doctor. Later that night, he is caught in his hotel room eating sheep testicles and doing lines of rhino horn powder. Bud Selig immediately announces a 50 game suspension. Without Bonds the Giants are down 4 runs going into the 8th inning. Joel Zumaya commits 4 throwing errors and throws 5 wild pitches in 1/3 of an inning costing Detroit yet another World Series. He later says that he had been up all night playing the Legend of Zelda on Nintendo Wii.
November - Dale Earnhardt Jr. takes the checkered flag at Miami-Homestead and wins his first Nextel Cup Championship. In victory lane he announces, now that he has won a championship he is quitting NASCAR and he hopes his step-mother Theresa rots in hell. Even more shockingly he admits that he hates Budweiser, ripping off his fire suit to reveal a Miller Genuine Draft t-shirt underneath. Miller stock doubles.
As the NBA season gets underway Ron Artest realizes that it has been a long time since he did something really stupid. Two weeks later he releases new CD entitled, “I Got Big Balls Cause I’m a Sac’ King”.
December - Heading down the stretch in the NFL the Carolina Panther are 15-0 and threatening the Miami Dolphins record perfect season when starting quarterback Jake Delhomme gets injured. The Panthers are forced to turn to Chris Weinke who promptly injures himself running off the field so that the Panthers can do a direct snap to a running back. Julius Peppers comes in at quarterback and plays well. Unfortunately, he tears his Achilles Tendon, running for the game winning touchdown. Carolina finishes 15-0 but gets clobbered in the first round of the playoffs with emergency replacement Jeff George at quarterback.
After getting off to an 0-25 start the Knicks finally fire Isaiah Thomas. The following day NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman retires and hands over the reigns to Thomas sighting his experience in guiding inept organizations. Two weeks later the NHL folds. Canada again declares war on the US. Two days later curling season begins and Canada forgets all about the war. Molson stock doubles.

False Prophet

Pats OVER Eagles in SB XLI
The Titans will win the AFC South next year, and this next year will be Peyton's final year behind the helm.
Barry Bonds breaks the all time Home Run record, but on that same day he is found guilty of use of steroids and suspended for life
The Minnesota Timberwolve will win the NBA Championship
In a dream season, the Minnesota Twins win the world series, Johan Santana repeats as the MLB pitching triple crown winner and AL Cy Young winner, and Joe Mauer is named MVP after having a .401 average that is finally achieved in an extra innings win on the last game of the year in which they clinch the top seed in the playoffs.