Confessions of a Former Philly Sports Fan
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by user Manny Stiles
I grew up in the Philly suburbs. There really isn't much to do...Sports are a meaning of existence, a temporary escape from the rain, the humidity, and the road construction. There really is no finer thing to do in the summer than kick back in a lounge chair and listen to Harry Kalas explain why the Phillies sucked so much.
-Harry Kalas is THE most under-rated voice in sports. If you love NFL films, Chunky commercials, or just loved hearing the words Miiiiichael Jaaaack Schmidt, Kalas was your guy. His voice was so sweet it could make scrapple taste edible.
I do a great impersonation of Harry asking Richie Ashburn trivia questions where Richie guesses himself as the answer - Harry - "Tonight's trivia question sponsored by Tastykake. Who was the first AL DH to get struck 4 times squarely in the balls in one inning?" Richie - "Uhhh... Was it me?" Harry - "No, Whitey you were not get struck squarely in the balls 4 times in one inning nor did you play designated hitter in the American league. But you are the pride of Tilden, Nebraska" Richie - "Well, Nebraska is where I...."
- Umm..the Phillies suck. Really. Look at the facts! While numbers always tell exactly what you want - 123 years as a professional franchise - ONE World Championship (1980) - first named the "Quakers" in 1883, they went a whopping 17-81 (.173) in the National League - a sure sign of things of things to come - have finished 3rd or worst in their division 101 times in their history - from 1919 - 1949 they finished in 6th or worse every year except for one- 1932 78-76 (.506) for their ONLY 5th place finish in that time (they were also know as the Blue Jays during World War II) - they don't have "a curse" of significance to whine about, so they REALLY suck all on their own! -Since I left Philadelphia for Arizona, it's been a 'golden era' for Phillies phans...really - new stadium, better unis, talent to talk about...and I was welcomed to Arizona with an instant World Series that was absolutely insane to watch unfold magically...Nobody ever talks about how if the Yankees would have been playing at double play depth with one out, Gonzo's massive bloop would have been right at Mr November, Out #2...
Philadelphia fans are knowledgeable about the sports they cheer and drink Yuengling while watching. So, since I left Philly in 2001, the Eagles have been ridiculously good!!! There should be NO whining or complaining going on... the 1990 team would DESTROY any of the last 5 year's teams and the '90 Iggles had no offense other than Randall Cunningham -the only guy other than Bo who surpassed MJ as most popular athlete during his Airness years.
The Eagles - I forever lost the favor of my Uncle in 1981. At a Super Bowl party, he asked me who I thought would win - I said Oakland 28-10 - I was annoying to people then too... well, of course, Oakland won 27-10. Oakland was the first wild card Super Bowl champ (which at the time was thought impossible).
But there were the LEAN years - Marion Campbell, Leonard Tose's willingness to become a worse drunk gambler than I am a writer..., ahemm Rich "I used to spar Ali, and maybe that explains my decision making abilities" Kotite...Andy Reid should be revered as a Philly Lombardi.
Supposedly, the Eagles have played 63 years of professional football for ONE championship (1960).
People around Philly are great sports fans. When their local team makes a run, they pay attention!!! They know this might be their LAST chance to sniff a trophy...again, 180+ years of pro sports, 2 championships.
Also in 2001, the Sixers made a little run at Larry O'Brien's bling. I was seriously distraught that I had put up with Sharone Wright, Willie Burton and Derrick Coleman. I move and Allie I goes steppin over Tyron "How was I in the NBA" Lue...
42 years of pro basketball, TWO championships - Twice, 1967, 1983 and needed Wilt, Moses and Dr J to get 'em
Just because hockey helps make Philly a 4 sport city, here's some data: 39 seasons, 2 championships, blah blah blah... some bad Pele Lindberg jokes, etc...
So that's 267 years of Professional sports, 6 championships, none since 1983. (and I was sick and sleeping when it happened). Plus we all figured there was gonna be more! The Phillies were in the World Series and lost to the (worst world series champs ever?) Orioles. Plus everyone LOVED the Vet.
Meanwhile the USFL Stars were awesome and the AHL phantoms were great. The Wings Lacrosse team won 6 the Philadelphia Kixx were even good. Point is, Boston, New York, Chicago these towns think they're knowledgable fans - Philly fans KNOW they're knowledgable.
People associate BOOing with Philadelphia: Philly fans booed Santa Claus (there's more to the story), Mitch Williams played too well in 1993 than to be remembered like that, they BOOed Darren Daulton's kid (I think it was his daughter) at a father/son game, they booed freakin' Mike Schmidt...
But I was there when Mo Cheeks came back to Philly for the first time after they traded him - It was an ELEVEN - out of ten for a standing Ovation - I also remember tailgaters dousing a father & son with food and beer because the kid was riding his dad's shoulders on his way to a Eagles-Falcons game...with a Troy Aikman jersey on. Passionate, starving fans!!!
But understand Philly fan: Philly fan will ALWAYS cheer outstanding effort!!! Even if you suck BAD, you can still be loved by playing hard, passionately and bloody. Some guy named Rocky Balboa for instance WAS Philly. Of course, Lenny "Nails" Dykstra was the quintessential Philly sports God for obvious reasons...he spit on himself frequently. But, if you play hard but look like you're not, you WILL get booed. Clarence Weatherspoon made a career of this.
Aaron Rowand is a lock to be forever loved in Philly... Eric Brynes would be deified if he was a Phil... Allen Iverson is Philly, or at least was...
Now it's been 5 years since I had a title party here in Arizona! I feel pretty confident the Suns may bring a couple more here soon!!!
One last note: "The Philly Cheesesteak" is a term I had never heard until I moved from Pennsylvania. I tell people all the time, "In Philly, they're just called 'cheesesteaks'" Same thing with Philadelphia Cream Cheese...as they're just 'wings' in Buffalo and "toast" in Texas.
But there's that number - Nineteen Eighty Three. 1983 is the last time Philly cleaned up Broad St after a something non-Mummers related... How many people on this site were even born after 1983???
Date
Thu 07/06/06, 12:32 pm EST
