Chris Berman: A Rant

All of the recent talk about ESPN personalities and local networks' broadcast teams on these pages lately got me to thinking about a column I wrote about Chris Berman on April 12 of this year while watching a Boston Red Sox game on ESPN. I went back a read it today after watching Berman do a Cubs/Cards game last night, and it rings as true (if not truer) now than it did then. Anyhow, here it is. Hope you dig it.

(this article originally appeared on April 12, 2006 at Chachi and Shark on Sports.)

"You're With Me, Leather" --- Boomer

I gotta tell ya, and those of you who know me already know this, I LOVE watching baseball on the tube (or my laptop - or both). Truth be told, I would rather watch an April Diamondbacks/Devil Rays game than a week 15 matchup between the Patriots and the Colts. Seriously. There is just something classic about a baseball diamond - the green of the grass, the crisp white foul lines, the perfect brownness of the infield dirt. The contrast of classic team uniforms to the pure green and brown of the field of play. It's awesome. And watching games broadcast on FSN or regional networks (NESN, YES, TBS) is even better. The play-by-play and color commentary by these lifelong lovers of America's game (even the "homers") sprinkles a welcome bit of extra flavor throughout the broadcast. Being a Red Sox fan, I love Jerry Remy and Don Orsillo on NESN. And even though I hate the Yankees, I enjoy listening to Michael Kay do games (I could do without the "See ya!" homerun call, however. That's pretty lame). But you get my point. These guys know and love the game. They know and love the team. And they do this every day. They know the players better than anyone.

I'm watching tonight's Red Sox game on ESPN (they're losing and David Wells looks terrible, by the way) and I gotta tell ya, while I am glad that ESPN brings us 5-10 games a week more than we used to have access to, I CANNOT STAND ANY OF THEIR ANNOUNCERS! Especially Chris Berman. AAARRGHH! Listening to fat "Boomer" do a baseball game is infuriating. Why won't he just go away? His fifteen minutes of fame have been over for fifteen years, his nicknames haven't been entertaining in at least that long. Judging from the complete inanity of his comments and idiotic offerings, it seems to me that heactually knows very little of the game beyond the basic "SportsCenter" fare. He spent 20 minutes tonight explaining that the Boston faithful were not booing Kevin Youkilis, but rather shouting "Yoo-ook" and proceeded to call him Kevin Yoo-oo-oo-kilis for the next five innings. No one wants to hear his "Fenway Pahk", "Red Sawks", or his "Kevin Mill-AH". We get it! You're in Boston. They have funny accents. Drop it already. I love watching Big Papi go deep, but the "back-back-back-back" that Berman insists on throwing in there while the majestic flight of the ball seeks the bleachers just seems to taint it somehow.

Even Joe Morgan (who may be one of a very small number of ESPN baseball announcers I actually like listening to) cannot make Berman any more bearable. Instead of raising Fat Boomer's level of professionalism, the opposite happens - Berman drags Morgan into the realm of the idiotic. Here's a hint, Boomer, the game is the entertainment, not you! Please shut up and let us watch the game in silence. Or better yet, retire. Go do something with your senior years and allow us all to enjoy baseball again!