Chestnut Eyeing 60*…Is That With or Without Performance Enhancers?
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by user LastRow
While tomorrow we celebrate our nations birthday all eyes will again be on Coney Island and the 2007 Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest, AKA Stuff Your Pie Hole with as Many Unknown/Leftover Pig & Cow Parts Possiblem, which over the years has become a staple in this country on the Fourth. Now if we could only get Brent Musberger to spit out his infamous call…"You are looking live on Coney Island!" Aw yes, Michael Buffer eat your heart out, (no pun intended).
Just one question though…If we don’t know exactly what are in Hot Dogs, why are Nathan’s so much better than the rest? Not that I enjoy eating pig snouts or cow’s assholes. Neither does six-time defending champion Takeru Kobayashi who’s considered the best athlete in the history of the sport or American conpulsive eating icon Joey Chestnut. And who knew eating was considered a sport? I guess I can finally say, I, Mr. LastRow guru, am an athlete! Gosh, I’m so proud to be an eater! And to think I was always under the impression if we didn’t eat it’s called some kind of disease, better known as "Scarf & Barf" or "Splurge & Purge" . Hell, I guarantee I can even blow chunks with the best of them without any "training" and I certainly don’t need 60 hot dogs to do it with either! There’s no need for 42,000 calories in just 12 minutes, for me anyway.
For Joey Chestnut, he thinks 60 hot dogs is a realistic goal in an appearance on First Take this morning. Okay, let’s do our arithmetic here kiddos…We’ll be using the division property and t hat comes out to five a minute, each minute, for the entire 12-minutes. Now it doesn’t really matter how much Mad Cow Disease is consumed in less than 24 hours…On a typical July 4 th we tune in to see the great Kobayashi do his famous shake while moving his jaws faster than Gary Payton could ever dream of. The question being not if he would win, but how many wieners would he exhale. However, the real intrigue of tomorrow's showdown, though it isn't about whether Chestnut can break the record. It's about whether six-time defending champion Takeru Kobayashi, the best athlete in the history of the sport, can get over his jaw ailment well enough to compete…A classic case of jawitious is the cause for him being a questionable call tomorrow. An eat time decision if you will. Now is this the Great Kobayashi lying in the weeds and playing a possum with Chestnut like so many of the great competitive eaters love to do? On the other hand is Kob-Dog ducking C-Nut just like Lennox Lewis "retired" so he didn’t have to face ' Vitali Klitschko? Or is the jawitious really legit?
More questions than answers are swirling around this year’s edition of "Stuff Your Pie Hole with as Many Unknown/Leftover Pig & Cow Parts Possible". Although one thing is for sure…If Kob-Dog can’t go and C-Nut takes the crown, well a Nathan's title in a year when Kobayashi isn't at 100 percent will always carry an asterisk in the minds of most competitive eating fans. Either way, I’m going to enjoy these 12 minutes anyhow…I love watching contestants veins pop out of their heads and necks as I watch them cram their face with God knows what?
And while this maybe the first asterisk next to a title…I’m just betting it won’t be the last! Wow, the possibility of having two asterisk in the same summer…What are the odds?
