Celebrating in Orderly Fashion
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by user LastRow
Hey all you Butt Pirates, I’m back!!! I was just wondering, I know the game is 72 hours old, but give me a break, I just got back from my weekend extravaganza in South Bend…Wow, what a couple of days in God’s country. In addition, I just came out of my drunken stupor. It was a big win for the Golden Domers, but obviously we don’t exactly know how to celebrate big time victories. In case anybody didn’t get this memo, nobody was accused of driving their cars into people in the South Bend, IN area. Now this method of celebration is the ultimate way to say “We’re Number One”, isn’t it? Sorry, if you want this kind of atmosphere simply drive a few hours Southeast from South Bend to Columbus.
So the Buckeyes showed the nation what we already knew, or at least the smart college football fans did. Texas was definitely not the second best team in the country. The funny thing is, some dumbasses really thought the Horns were going to beat the Bucks…Yeah, the same peeps thought Joe Pa would beat Charlie too. Now with the Buckeyes being the top team in the country, it was certainly time to celebrate. It’s time to grab the car keys and drive a car into three people…This is the Columbus way of “Ridin Dirty”! Yes, in case you’re wondering this actually did happen….Some Ohio State University student numbskull did this act in his victory celebration. In an exclusive interview with LastRowSports.com, this dimwit said, “I saw Maurice Clarett standing there with his weapons of Mass Destruction, I panicked!…It’s not everyday you see an Army tank with so many weapons that would make the Iraq’s finest jealous rolling through the mean streets of Columbus.” Now having a clear understanding of the situation, one can clearly see what was going through his mind at the time. Never fear, LastRowSports.com is still investigating as to whether or not the streets in C-Bus are indeed safe, or whether or not one needs to purchase an large amount of body armor to visit this city!
Battalion Fire Chief Kevin O'Connor said “he was treated for bumps and bruises after he and two others were struck by a car that came through a temporary command post set up in the driveway of a student union building.” The two others, Ohio State assistant vice president for student affairs Barbara Rich and her husband, were treated early Sunday at Ohio State University Medical Center for minor injuries.
I don’t know about you, or maybe it’s just me, but for some reason running down three people with a Toyota Camry to celebrate right after a big football victory doesn’t particularly come to mind here. My gosh, all we did in South Bend this past weekend was set about 40 fires, with couches and mattresses set ablaze, in student neighborhoods Saturday night. Oh yeah, lets not forget a trash bin also was set on fire, burning two nearby cars…Compliments of yours truly. We definitely need to get with the times in South Bend…That kind of celebration is so in the 90’s. I like tipping over and damaging telephone booths myself, although that’s getting harder & harder to do with all these damn cell phones. Nothing says better than “Reach Out and Touch Someone” than smashing one of these babies to oblivion…”TAKE THAT, PHONE COMPANY!” Next time you’ll think twice about dropping my freaking call!
Somebody with the last name Howard said, "This happens on big games, so we were prepared for it.” Wow, Toyota Camry’s are always running wild in the streets of Columbus. I ask again, okay, so Ohio State-Texas is a big game regardless, but the media certainly made it bigger than what it was. The Horns at number two, without Vince Young, they had no business being in the top five. Sorry, Colt McCoy just doesn’t scare the dickens out of me. Speaking of dickens, if you’re ever in the South Bend area make sure you treat yourself to some Dickens Cider…The have some of the best around! For some reason, Brady Quinn seems to get a lot of request for his cider, so hang with him!
I don’t know since I wasn’t in Columbus on Saturday, but I’m just guessing, perhaps too much intake of Dickens Cider was consumed by Mr. George Karadimas…The “Ohio State University student numskull” To get a better understanding of what this lethal beverage can do click the link for a full demonstration. For your safety and the safety of others, please put the Camry in the garage and walk away!
http://www.brackenspub.com/beer.swf
From the fine folks at LastRowSports.com
Date
Tue 09/12/06, 3:08 pm EST
