Breaking News to Please the Average Armchair User
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by user I am a cpcp
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This just in, Alex Rodriguez and Terrell Owens were married in a private ceremony in San Francisco this morning.
"We're actually not homosexual," said Owens. "Not that there's anything wrong with that. But we just figured if we shared our lives under the same roof, it would make it a lot easier for the general media, but more specifically the ArmchairGM community to talk about us every five minutes."
"There seemed to be a lot of conflicted writers out there that didn't know which one of us to criticize and nitpick at next," Rodriguez-Owens added. "This way they can write about us in the same article and save themselves the decision on who to mock next. They can attack us simultaneously in the same article and feel doubly better about themselves."
The newlyweds have rented a home in Nashville, Tennessee so they will be in between Dallas and New York for the time being. They will purchase a more permanent house after the Armchair users have made a decision on where A-Rod-Owens should be traded to this off-season.
"I'm really excited to see where they pick," A-Rod-O said. "I'm hoping it's a place where they have a southern accent. I'm tired of all the Bronx-accented boos. It really hurts my feelings."
