Boston-Texas Stream of Consciousness

OK, so I know I won't be as funny as the Sports Guy, but I still feel it's my duty as a wise ass Red Sox fan with a computer to blog Red Sox-Rangers. Call me crazy.
See, most guys in New England have to call in sick today, practicing their coughs for days beforehand. Me, I work for a small company and have a great boss, so he comes over around 11 and we turn on the NESN. Yeay, not working for a big company - since it's a statistical fact that 75% of New England males will call in sick today.
NESN has a whole Red Sox day planned. God, I love living in New England. The pregame show starts up, and all the attention is focused on two pitchers: Schilling and Clemens. Wait, is it 1988? I didn't think so. Can we talk about the real roster, and not Remy's roto team, please? The Rocket's not coming back. Get over it.
Leading off is Coco Crisp, who my buddy/boss - hereafter referred to as Buddyboss - absolutely loves already. "Dude, I was so rooting we'd get Milton Bradley. Then we'd have the coolest-named outfield in baseball." Me, too, buddyboss. Me too.
Crisp pulls a Bellhorn (that's what we call striking out in New England). First ends with a terrific catch by Laynce "My parents couldn't spell my first name" Nix. Jerk. Nice catch, though.
More Rocket fluff. God, can't we ever get tired of Roger Clemens? I am. It's over. Get over it. Buddyboss has a new name for the Rocket: "pitchtease." As in, "he's going to pitchtease the Yankees and Red Sox until the All-Star break, than return to Houston."
Manny is hoping the reflection from his golden locks will be so blinding that we'll forget he's now the most annoying member of the Sox outfield (with the departure of JD). Don't count on it, Manny. Don't count on it.
Other thrilling games right now: Pittsburgh Pirates at Milwaukee Brewers. Chicago Cubs at Cincinatti Reds. Washington Nationals at New York Mets. I know, I'm twitching in excitement.
Can we trade Mike Lowell? Please? Surely the Cubs are ready to do a trade. He could totally be their missing piece. After all, they're already eight games back, and the season hasn't even started.
Schilling is sharp today. Scoreless through three.
Buddyboss is worried about Kevin Millwood. "Hey, he's a good pitcher. Texas could be sharp this sea - " 2-0, Red Sox. You were saying, buddyboss?
OK, I'm getting ready to hate Mike Lowell more than Mark Bellhorn. Is that even possible? Does that mean he'll end up going to the Yankees, too? What are the theological implications of this? He's already getting the "Worst New Member of the Team" label.
First Big Papi home run of the year! 5-0 Red Sox! Time for more beer.
Schilling has some trouble, but clears it out. Always a good sign for a pitcher, when he can clear out of trouble like that. Something Derek Lowe could never do - if a guy got on base, the game was over. Seriously. Speaking of which, guess who's starting for the 2003 Red Sox today?
Rangers get some runs, but it won't matter. Big offensive day for the Sox, you watch.
OK, Alex Gonzalez apparently lost track of first base. Seriously. What was he thinking? It's like he thought he was fielding, and heading over to his shortstop position. Ah, well. It's OK, Big Papi drives in some more runs pretty soon thereafter - 6-2, Boston.
Mike Lowell does something! Holy God! 7-2, Boston. We'll see tomorrow night if that's an aberration or a sign of things to come. Now I need to find someone else to pick on.
So, how happy am I that we didn't get Kevin Millwood? Seriously? I can't possibly express that.
In the last couple innings, Jonathan Papelbon is brilliant and Foulke....yup, allows a run, starting off the season with a terrible ERA. Wow. Want to have a betting pool on how long it is 'till Papelbon is the closer? Should we have that in days, or hours? It's up to you.