Big Bucks, No Whammies!

by user LastRow

Computers and lotteries go hand in hand like turkeys and Thanksgiving…Can’t have one without the other. Why without the aid of computers, we would be without the BCS…Can you imagine how great that would be? Although, there would then be no usage for our hammers. Why if it wasn’t for computers, what would the Ohio State-Michigan game last Saturday really have meant? Never mind that, we’ll see that again in 50 days….More importantly, where would have been the Ohio Lottery on last Saturday night if it wasn’t for the big game? Huh?

Well, thanks to the 42-39 Ohio State victory over Michigan in The ‘Shoe, it wasn’t just Buckeye nation who was thrilled with the outcome of the score. The entire state of Ohio was pissing themselves too. Not that OSU won…Do you really think Akron Zip fans could give a shit? Do they even exist? The jubilation that was felt throughout the state Saturday evening actually occurred 32 minutes after the Buckeye’s victory celebration had begun. There , the Ohio Lottery took center stage and with it brought more question marks than the BCS…Who even knew this was possible?

Shortly after Saturday's game ended, the numbers 4-2-3-9 were drawn for the Pick 4 game. I take that back, this looks worse than the BCS! So 32 minutes go by and these same four numbers just happen to pop up…I don’t know about you, but I have a higher probability of believing Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire, and Rapheal Palmerio never took steroids! Especially when we hear that according to the lottery spokeswoman Mardele Cohen…The odds of the numbers turning up in that combination were 10,000 to 1. So a 10,000 to 1 shot just happens to show its face 32 minutes after the same numbers appear on the scoreboard in The ‘Shoe…Awesome! While I’m celebrating my new found wealth, I’ll do so over a nice glass of Jesus Juice, too! Cheers to that! Here’s to the Buckeyes, not for beating Michigan, but for cutting some cheese!

Ironically enough Cohen said since 2000, the combination of 4-2-3-9 has been drawn 13 times, but not in the order that they were picked on Saturday. Um, excuse me, Mardale…The more you bump your gums together, the worse you’re making yourself look like a fixer…A lottery fixer! If not you, then your peons that work for you…Whoever’s in charge of having those ping pong balls pop up. So that combination of 4-2-3-9 has been drawn 13 times in six years, and you want us to believe it just happened that way by saying in your words… "You know it happens." Hey, whatever makes you sleep at night, that’s cool with me. Just don’t try to pull the wool over our eyes here lady! So if that indeed happened like you said it does, what would’ve if happened in the final score was 45-39, 45-42, or let’s say Michigan won 42-39…Would the same combination of 4-2-3-9 have come up? I’m no lottery expert, but I’m doubting it big time! Then again, if Michigan can get a rematch with the Buckeyes for the National Championship, who the hell knows now?

Speaking of which, that Championship Game is about 50 days out…Might you have a prediction on the score? Or should I pose that question to the machine(s) that spits out the balls about 32 minutes after that game as well? Is there such of thing as a “lottery point shaver”? If there wasn’t one before, there is one now! That’s all fine and dandy to give us this little cute song & dance, but there’s a better chance of some fat ass, weighing 332-plus, sitting here reading this Sports ScuttleButt to score with a Playboy Playmate than to have this transpire! Let me guess…The Whammy made you do this, right? Those damn Whammy’s…Always wanting to have their way! We never know when they’re going to show their ugly mug. Might they reappear on January 8, 2007? Only this time as Michigan fans?

Celebrate Turkey Day LastRowSports.com by voting in the Pick’em Poll dubbed “Having Thanksgiving Tranquillity With?”….You make the call! Happy Turkey Day to all you Wild Turkeys Out There! I’m out of the LastRow for the holiday