Before I Attempt My Game Winning Field Goal, Would You Just Call Timeout?
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by LastRow
It seems like every week, some devious bastard does this…It's the same thing that Raiders coach Lane Kiffin did to the Cleveland Browns in Week 3, the same thing that Mike Shanahan did to the Raiders in Week 2. And it’s also the same thing Urban Meyer attempted to do to Auburn…Apparently this sort of jam job doesn’t work in college. In both of the NFL occasions, the chicanery worked ... the first field goal, which didn't count, was good, and the second, which did count, was no good.
Is there anything better than watching a kicker get jammed, (or in Dick Jaron & Urban Meyer’s case try to get jammed) by the opponents head coach? While they’re at it, why don’t they at least kick their dogs too? Ever since Mike Shanahan broke off a piece in Sebastian Janikowski it has taken a copycat effect. Mike, you should’ve copyrighted this move, bud! Although, my question is why is it that it took Shanahan to do this before it caught on like a fad resembling one of the Backstreet Boys? I thought football coaches were the smart ones…Knowing everything. Bill Belecheat, where you at on this one? Well, there goes that "smart" theory…Because in fact if he didn’t take advantage and know the rule in week two, odds are this wouldn’t be happening on a weekly basis! Thus, it wouldn’t be up for discussion.
Many want to cry foul, saying… "It's not fair to players involved," "The rule needs to be changed!" Allow me to interject some words here…"BOO FREAKING BOO HOO!" Yeah, why? This is the same rule that everybody voted on a few years back to be just that, a rule! And now that coaches are taking full advantage of the rule everybody wants it to be changed. Funny how that works! It’s like visiting "Vaginas R Us" with some of the fellas on "guys night out" and you’re married. You know the rules ahead of time…No monkey business, no jumping on the bed. Although the occasional "Rosie & her five sisters" visit compliments of "Sugar" followed up by her dropping to her knees, well, that’s not breaking any rules! It’s all within the rules of the game!
Now is it bush league…Sure it’s bush league! So what! In sports one’s judged by two things…Wins and Losses, just ask Joe Torre about that one! Coaches aren’t there to make friends…And anyhow, if you didn’t know, most coaches are indeed assholes with a capital "A". It’s just part of their nature. Why? Because they’re judged on wins and losses…Too many losses fire up the Budweiser Hot Seat. However, how is this little "timeout field goal phenomenon" any different than what we see over and over again throughout basketball season…When coaches call timeouts to pack somebody grapes in ice in hopes that piss pour bricklayer, (or outstanding free throw shooting will make like John Bender in Breakfast Club as he attempts to try out "for a scholarship") throws up one of the famous bricks he’s known for. Why is that acceptable, but when the same concept carries over to the gridiron everybody acts like little school girl bitches and cries "foul"?
Besides, by now it’s not like this is a surprise to anybody anymore…Actually it was surprising not to see Cam Cameron do it to Kris Brown Sunday! Well, that’s why the Dolphins are the Floundering Fish…Or perhaps he didn’t get the message from Travis Johnson because he was unconscious. If we all know a timeout is coming, don’t you think kickers do as well? How awesome would it be if a kicker would trot out on to the field for a game winning field goal and just stare over at the given head coach with his arms crossed, like "You know you want to…I know it’s coming, I know it’s coming"…Hey, that sounds like something "Sugar" would say!
To suggest that Roger Goodell needs to put his foot down and make this go away, regardless of whether or not the owners want the rule changed is purely asinine! If assholes out there somehow think that every time this happens, the end of a hard-fought game becomes cheapened…A couple of words come to mind! Again, "BOO FREAKING BOO HOO!" Perhaps if teams took care of their shit in the first 59 minutes of a game, the game wouldn’t eventually come down to a kick…Leaving the team’s fate in some scrawny ass white boy, (discounting Sebastian Janikowski of course) who sole job is to kick the pigskin through the uprights time and time again. No matter timeout, or no timeout! Hey, something like Nick Folk did last night and Auburn’s Wes Byrum…Those are real kickers who have ice water in their veins and brass stones downstairs! It’s a fine line between being a goat and a hero…Something to think about during those last second timeouts when one’s trying to be iced! . Hell, if Kathy Ireland can do it, it can’t be that hard to have a do over! Super Jock anyone?
