Barry Bonds Vs. Captain America
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With Barry Bonds knocking out numbers 752 and 753 today against the Cubs (and still losing), I thought it only fitting to see how well he would fare against another red, white, and blue fan favorite... Captain America. Just how well does one of America's greatest villains stack up against her greatest hero? Let the final tally show the answer.
Accomplishments:
Barry: Single season records for home runs, on base percentage, slugging percentage, and walks, Seven MVP awards, 14 All-Star Game appearances, Eventual all-time home run record holder
Cap: Punched Hitler in the jaw, Helped win WWII, Led the Avengers, Saved the world and universe on countless occasions
Winner: Come on, he punched Hitler in the jaw... Cap
Origin of Super Powers:
Barry: Performance Enhancing Substances (Arthritis cream and flaxseed oil)
Cap: Performance Enhancing Substances (Super Soldier Serum)
Winner: Tie
Friends and Family:
Barry: Bobby Bonds, Reggie Jackson, Willie Mays
Cap: The Falcon, Sharon Carter, and Bucky
Winner: I think I have to give this one to Barry
Enemies:
Barry: The U.S. Government, Hank Aaron, Bud Selig, Everyone not from San Francisco
Cap: The U.S. Government, Nazis, Baron Zemo, The Red Skull
Winner: Cap
Acronymically Named Organization Associated With:
Barry: BALCO (Bay Area Laboratory Co-operative)
Cap: SHIELD (Strategic Hazard Intervention, Espionage and Logistics Directorate)
Winner: Cap
Biggest Challenge Overcome:
Barry: Knee Surgery
Cap: Being frozen in a block of ice for over twenty years and surviving
Winner: Cap
Weapons:
Barry: Wooden Bat
Cap: Adamantium Shield
Winner: Cap
Media Appearances:
Barry: Bonds on Bonds, Nickelodeon's All That, Every other second of ESPN
Cap: Direct-to-video movie
Winner: Barry
And there you have it, Old Winghead smacks down the Bay Area Bomber 5-2 in a true victory for liberty and freedom... from douchebags.
