Ball of Love - Looking For An NBA Team
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I am a man without an NBA team.
Growing up, I had nobody. Chattanooga is not an NBA town whatsoever, so there was never a reason to get one. I used to like the Showtime Lakers because I thought Magic was a neat first name. I liked the Hawks for a time because Atlanta is only 90 minutes away, Spud Webb was a midget with a funny name who could dunk and I was young enough to think those Nique Era uniforms looked good. For the most part, however, the NBA & me never jived.
I moved to Memphis six years ago during the inaugural season for the former-Vancouver Grizzlies. I even splurged a chunk of my teacher's salary to buy a pack of single-game tickets for The Pyramid so I could be a part of the action. I mean, they had Big Country Reeves for goodness sake! It was not easy to tell from where the upper, upper deck where I was sitting, but it looked like they were pretty bad.
Before I left Memphis, the Grizzlies made it into the post-season behind Hubie Brown, Pau Gasol and Jason Williams. I went to Games 3 & 4 of the opening round series against the Spurs, only to see back-to-back losses to Duncan, Parker and the Spurs. The Grizzlies were the NBA team that got me excited about the league & professional basketball, but my loyalty to them was short-lived.
Houston, TX became home in 2004 and I became a Houston Rocket. Yao Ming & Tracy McGrady were fun to watch and I even got to be friends with the team's assistant trainer. I ended up at another playoff game (a Game 5 victory over the Utah Jazz), but this time it was from the team's suite. After the game, I toured the Rocket's training facilities and came face-to-face with Yao Ming, Shane Battier and Juwan Howard. The Rockets were now my team, but...
My wife and I returned to Chattanooga, TN this past summer to make a permanent home in the Scenic City. I'm back in an NBA-less city - one where NASCAR, professional wrestling and Krystal hamburger eating contests are all more popular than pro basketball.
Thus, I am a free agent.
I need an NBA team. After watching Bret Michaels find love this summer, it seems that the best way to find my true love is through a series of challenges and eliminations. Okay, maybe no challenges, but there will be eliminations.
First round of goners - the following teams have no chance of being my new NBA team:
Milwaukee Bucks
Los Angeles Clippers
Minnesota Timberwolves
New Orleans Hornets
Charlotte Bobcats
Toronto Raptors
Indiana Pacers
Sacramento Kings
Portland Trail Blazers
Orlando Magic
Philadelphia 76ers
Pretty easy cuts there. Bad uniforms, bad teams, lack of superstars, uninspiring coaches - nothing to get excited about.
That leaves me with 19 teams. This isn't going to be easy. There are some good candidates left here.
What would Bret Michaels do?
You are right - he would have nothing but a good time cutting a few more teams. Let's go ahead and dump the ones that might have something going for them, but are not going to win this thing. They make the first cut because there is no reason to lump them with the Bucks and the Bobcats, but they are losing at some point.
Washington Wizards - sorry, Agent Zero
Miami Heat - I like Shaq off the court, but not so much on it
New Jersey Nets - Jason Kidd once took a swing at my wife
Denver Nuggets - awful uniforms. Fashion matters.
Utah Jazz - I like Mormons as much as the next Protestant, but this ain't happening.
Now we are getting somewhere. Here is my Sweeps Week special - the shocking event of the season. It is time to dump two big names:
New York Knicks
Los Angeles Lakers
There is no way to get behind either of these teams right now. The Isiah Era has been an embarrassment on and off the court in New York. The Kobe Drama in L.A. typifies everything that is wrong in the league, so it is eliminated on principle. Two big markets are out - my readership just dropped in half.
The next elimination will be the Superstar cut. These teams have one or two people that are intriguing, but the entire package fails to merit My New Team consideration:
Cleveland Cavaliers - LeBron & nothing else. No thanks.
Seattle Supersonics
There is a part of me that wants to jump on the Kevin Durant bandwagon with the Sonics, but can I get attached to a team that is probably moving in a couple of years? I need some stability.
Before we continue, let us look at the candidates still in contention for my new NBA team:
Atlanta Hawks
Boston Celtics
Detroit Pistons
Chicago Bulls
Memphis Grizzlies
Golden State Warriors
Phoenix Suns
Dallas Mavericks
San Antonio Spurs
Houston Rockets
Whoa, what is San Antonio still doing on my list? Bruce Bowen, Robert Horry, Floppin' Ginobli? Get them out of here.
Let's break down the nine remaining teams:
Atlanta Hawks: pros - up & coming team, local to me (90 minutes down I-75) and will be on TV here all the time; cons - they are the awful Atlanta Hawks, no fan base, no championship anytime soon or really anytime ever.
Boston Celtics: pros - tradition, new nucleus is exciting, real chance to win; cons - too trendy, Doc Rivers.
Detroit Pistons: pros - I really like the Billips, Hamilton, Wallace & I LOVE Tayshaun Prince; cons - Flip Saunders, boring style
Chicago Bulls: pros - fun to watch, great fans, young core; cons - potential home for Kobe? no geographic loyalty
Memphis Grizzlies: pros - fairly local, some history to me personally, I like the unis, new coach with up-tempo style; cons - stuck in Western conference without a shot to win, Darko.
Golden State: pros - fell in love with them during playoffs last year, have some family in San Fran (weak, I know); cons - never on TV, small chance of repeating that magic
Phoenix: pros - Steve Nash. Steve Nash. Steve Nash. Fun to watch, exciting, chance to win it all, great coach; cons - form on Marion's jumper, break my heart in post-season
Dallas: pros - um, none. I don't like this team at all. Cut them.
Houston: pros - Yao & T-Mac, personal history, love Shane Battier; cons - boring fans, Rick Adelman?, fired my friend for no good reason.
There we are...8 teams in the running for my new NBA team. I'm going to take my time with this pick - watch a few games, visit some websites, pray to various gods and goddesses, even read your comments for help.
Next week - I make my decision. The world will never be the same.
