BYU Teaches Athletes to Attack Pedestrians With Mops
| 4
|
by user LastRow
We all have fears, whether it’s insects, water, crossing over waterways, stepping on cracks in the sidewalks…All of us fear something. And for those who say they don’t fear anything at all just one question for you macho men…Do monkeys fly out of your butt, too. I’m not afraid to admit it, I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality to say I have fears…Actually, I have several of them. However, you want to know what my biggest fear is…Do you really, really want to know? It’s getting attacked by a pedestrian with a mop. I’m really not looking forward to the day when that happens! Lucky for me I don’t live in the great state of Utah where striking people with mops is a national pastime out there.
I always knew Utah was a little out there in all aspects of life…The only state a guy can be married to six women at once. Who in their right mind would want to do that, isn’t one wife bad enough? Yes, in this state people certainly march to a different beat and in the process love beating peeps silly with mops. A star runner at Brigham Young University was arrested after getting out of his car and striking a pedestrian with a mop, police said. Yes, sadly folks I’m not making this up! I guess that’s a good way of collegiate runners to grab the national headlines…Go on a mop-beating spree! Kyle Perry’s, (the alleged mop beater) vehicle apparently got too close to the man, who was pushing a bucket with mops across a street, witnesses told police "Angry words were exchanged," Provo police said. I know what you mean Big Kyle…I just hate when a S.O.B gets too close to my ride with some Pine Sol & Clorox! Gosh, that burns my ass! Bad enough to the point where I want to exit my vehicle and grab a mop out of the pedestrian's mop bucket and start to strike him with it!
According to the police report… "The pedestrian grabbed another mop and used it to defend himself. Eventually the pedestrian was shoved over a planter box and fell onto his back." Is it just me, or can everybody see this in the next Summer Olympics? I bet Mr. Clean and Ajax would be in heaven! Guns, Knifes, Razorblades…Now we must throw mops into this category now too, I see. What’s next? Aggravated assault with a broom? Battery with a dust pan? Armed Robbery with a Dust Buster? Car Jacking with a Feather Duster? Why do I suddenly have vision and memories involving Jake Plummer sitting at a stop light in his gray Honda Civic last summer? As if we thought the whole University of Northern Colorado "I’ll Carve You Up With a Butter Knife to be Named the Starter Punter" thing was outrageous enough, this, well I don’t know what kind of level on would put this one?
The man, who had a bump on his head, blocked Perry's car until police arrived and arrested the track star for aggravated assault, Argyle said. Any legal action from the mop fight is up to prosecutors. I just would love to know who will hear the "Mop Fight" case? Judge Mathis…Judge Judy…Judge Joe Brown….Judge Hatchett…or Judge Maria Lopez? My vote would be for Lopez…Feisty little one! In addition Argyle did mention something about Mr. Kyle might be under the influence of watching Home Alone one too many times! My guess is Home Alone 2, but Argyle wouldn’t elaborate on that!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=j75XDob0Vf8
"From my understanding, he's not at fault," BYU cross country coach Ed Eyestone told the Deseret Morning News. "I think he may have acted hastily, but we'll just see how that plays out." Yeah, that’s what they say about all mop beaters! Hastily? You know perhaps coach has a point…Kyle should’ve went for the sponge first instead of the mop. The mop should’ve been a "if all else fails" kind of weapon!
So let this be a warning…If one ever finds himself/herself in the boring ass state of Utah, (although I don’t know why somebody would in less they make like Kevin McCallister did and got on the wrong place) don’t ever be caught outside with either Arm & Hammer Baking Soda or Lemon Pledge!! Just like American Express states, "Don’t Leave Home Without It!" Only in Utah!
