Awesomely Awesome All Star Moments
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by user MegECass110
PREGAME -Simpsons tease before the break: Absolute genius. -All right, that dude they had hitting balls off of the tee had to be hand-picked for awfulness. I'm not saying I could have done better, but I think they seriously picked him for unintentional comedy. They always make those gimmicky pre-game things too easy, this time it was, apparently, waaaaaaaaaaay too hard. -During the introductions, Manny Ramirez refusing to acknowledge the crowd. Followed by Hideki Okajima waving, then bowing with his hands together. God I love my team. -Victor Martinez and his very cute son giving the peace sign. -The fans: booing at the appropriate times, I was very impressed. The Yankees, and every California team not the Giants. Well done. -A-Rod giving the fist to no one in particular. -Dan Haren looks like he was made to be in a band. The hair, the face, the beard... -Barry Bonds clapping his hands together like a seal as he was introduced. -First glimpse of David Wright. -National anthem, very old school-sounding. I felt like I was listening to a 1950s record. -Awesome picture of Willie Mays making That Catch in Centerfield (and Bonds still clapping like a seal, maybe that's just the way he claps). -Jose Reyes asking for Mays' autograph, neat to see someone so many are starstruck by be starstruck himself.
GAME: -Eric Byrnes and his bulldog in a kayak. So cute, yet so cheesy. -Cal Ripken announcing the AL starters was the Mayor of Awkward City. No need to adlib, buddy. Ozzie Smith, on the other hand, was the Mayor of I Love Teleprompter City. -Joe Buck says there's a chance there will be some runs scored because it's cloudy. Now that's analysis. -Chase Utley's face after Prince Fielder's error to allow Papi to reach. So perfect. A-Rod's up...and a diving stop by The Sexiest Player in the National League. -I swear to God they played the Phantom of the Opera music when Bonds came up. Someone confirm this. -They're highlighting a good stat for each starter. For Carlos Beltran, they point out he's 10th in the NL in homers. TENTH. He strikes out swinging. Hunter Pence, your thoughts? -Tim McCarver says Russell Martin's father was a musker, what McCarver calls "a musician who plays in the streets for money." Tim, he's a street bum. Let's not kid ourselves. -In addition to looking like a rock star, I can hardly understand a word Haren says. It's unfortunate Ken Rosenthal, by far the dorkiest sports journalist on tv (good thing most of his work is for foxsports.com), notices this and limits the interview to one question. Bummer. -McCarver starts to giggle after Ichiro gets another base hit: "It looked like he hit that ball with a violin!" Really? A violin? Wow. -This is the second or third time Buck pronounces EE-cheer-o as Itch-i-ro. This could be a problem. -A rather hilarious "double" by Reyes goes by a whiffing A-Rod, then I realize Beckett's pitching. Crap. But he finishes with a scoreless inning. Good stuff from Joshy Bear. -A-Rod gets tagged out at the plate by two miles on a good throw from Griffey. Not the best day for Senor Rodriguez. -More Joshy Bear? Fantabulous. This is quite a handsome matchup: Beckett vs. Wright. I'm enjoying this thoroughly. -Two scoreless innings from Joshy Bear. Can't ask for much more. -Buck describes the scuffle between Chris Young and Derrek Lee earlier in the season as "like a scene from the movie 300". THIS! IS! CHICAGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! -This moment tops everything so far: Byrnes throws his baseball in the water, tells Bruin the bulldog to go get it. Bruin freezes on the edge of the boat (they're out of the kayak now) for about 10 seconds, then jumps in and swims away from the baseball and past the boat, to the point where strangers have to redirect Bruin back to Byrnes. Phenomenal stuff. -Itchiro (Buck still calling him this) manages an inside-the-park homerun, and is immediately fanned by Manny in the dugout. McCarver uses the term "screwy carem" to describe the ball's path. Bad images. -BREAKING NEWS FROM MCCOVEY COVE: Bruin the bulldog is safe! Thank goodness. -I'm officially bored with this game. Papelbon needs to come in now. -Not sure how I feel about the Dane Cook Fall Classic commercials, a little too deliberate, I think. That movie Underdog, on the other hand, looks fantastic. Has my name written all over it. So does Rush Hour 3. -Mike Lowell in the game at 3rd, most unsung hero of the Red Sox so far this year. He's leading the team in HRs and RBIs-not Manny, not Papi, it's Lowell. Verlander pitching, Beltran zips a triple, thankfully McCarver chooses not to say "screwy carem" again. -Wright shatters his bat with a single and cuts the lead to 3-2. One thing I realized: he has extraordinarily bushy and dark eyebrows. -A very clearly audible "SHIT!" from Russell Martin. -Lowell with a single. Everyone wrote him off when he went to the AL, now he's an All-Star. Good for him. -Victor Martinez opens things up for the AL with a 2-run shot. Fabolous. 3-run lead with Papelbon and Putz? NL doesn't have a shot. -Papelbon for the 8th! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah booooooooooooooy! Wild Thing! You make my heart sing! McCarver just said Papelbon has "a wonderful, whimsical way about him." Damn straight. -Chase Utley likes to dance at weddings. McCarver: "I'll have to ask Utley if he limits his dancing to weddings." Buck (long pause): "I don't know." As much as I don't like these two, they provide some high comedy. McCarver is clearly either homosexual or sexually confused, or both. -McCarver on Papelbon's stance: "We've discovered another penguin!" Um, no, Tim, no you haven't. -Scoreless inning from Jonathan. The NL just got Pap Smeared. -I'm trying to picture Itchiro in a Chevy Tahoe Hybrid. Not really happening. -Bruce Froemming is a large human being, and he's paying for it.
All right, it's the bottom of the 9th, 2 outs, I'm going to bed. Thanks to Buck, McCarver and all the rest for the fun. But the biggest thanks to Byrnes and Bruin-you made my day.
