As the World Watches
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by user LastRow
So the "Greatest Sporting Event in the World" has reached its climax . . . I was never a brilliant student when it came to Geography, but isn’t the United States part of the world? Yeah, surprisingly enough I’ve enjoyed watching the last month of the "World’s Biggest Kickball Tournament," but not enough to turn me into a MLS fanatic . . . If they even exist? It was just last weekend I turned on an MLS game & something strange happened. I kept it on for a good five minutes . . . Scary shit, I know, tell me about it. I had to take a nice cold shower to snap me back into reality. I think the final was 3-2 . . . Five combined goals in 90-minutes, and I thought Michelle Wie, attempting to, qualify for the U.S. Golf Open at Winged Foot was ridiculous.
The two best futbol teams on planet earth are France & Italy . . . I’m confused, I thought they were the Seattle Seahawks and the Pittsburgh Steelers? A France-Italy final on Sunday, huh? There’s nothing like having some pizza, spaghetti, crepes, French fries, and a little wine to wash this combustion down with as the world watches this kickball match up. Who gives a shit about Sunday, I’m more interested in the Saturday match between Germany-Portugal. Both came out of the losers brackets and will decide the ever popular who finishes third & fourth respectively. I’m all for sportsmanship, but isn’t this the most absurd global phenomenon you’ve ever heard of. Does anybody give a shit? Since when did this turn into the Little League World Series? Are these lads going to following in David Beckham’s footsteps & go home crying to Mommy & Daddy? How about taking some advice from David and GO GET BENT. I guess there’s going to be T-shirts & hats made up, so the winning team can sport around in their third place merchandise? I can hear the chants now . . . We’re number three, We’re number trace. This is the only way we’ll remember this accomplishment. Come Sunday, are we even going to remember who lost in the final? Now counting the civilians from that loser country & the guy on ESPN who talks like Lucky Charms?
How in the hell did Italy make it to the finals? This is the team that the U.S. Soccer slum-dwellers tied . . . Our only highlight of the World Cup for Uncle Sam’s best. Did George W. Bush select our roster or what? I suppose our best soccer players are still looking for weapons of mass destruction or maybe Osama Bin Hiding . . . For they were unavailable for duties in Germany. Guess we should forgive Bruce Arena . . . It wasn’t his fault, he was just following orders, no matter how f&^%$#* up they were. Although as the Italians enter the "World Kickball Classic" wasn’t there all sorts of scandals coming from the country shaped like a boot on the grounds of "Fixing Matches". Hmm, now this country finds itself in the Final Match . . . Doesn’t that make you wonder a little, seeing as how they can only tie the U.S., but the Czech Republic can kick our ass.
Well, France got to Sunday’s finale by what else, another phantom called from the lameos who call themselves referees. Thanks to another award winning flop by one of the Frenchies, the consistently bad ones again took center stage by shoving the cock up the Portuguese by rewarding the Red, White, & Blue with a bogus penalty. Something this edition of the World Cup will be remembered for without a doubt. Just goes to show you the referees who participated in the calling of Super Bowl XL & the NBA Finals do have summer jobs. At least though they are constant . . . Constantly blind! The French win on a corrupt call, while the Italians run all over the pitch for 118 minutes without a damn goal, only to score twice in the waning minutes. What’s up with this shit? Why can’t you lawnboys do this all the time? It would make soccer, or futbol, whatever the hell it’s called, more enjoyable to watch. Try doing like what the NHL did, increase the goal size for more scoring. So instead of the goal being the size of my kitchen, it could be the size of a two-car garage. That should help things.
So what to make for Sunday, I guess I’ll go with good ole Lucky Charms from ESPN who keeps saying the Italians will capture the whole thing. Although, I’m growing quite suspicious of him. Why, with all the soccer scandals coming from Italy before the World Cup even started . . . Does he have an inside source? How much money does he stand to make if indeed the Italians capture the little gay ass trophy. However, wonder what will happen to poor ole Lucky if the Italians don’t win? Will he have to go in the witness protection program along with Jose Canseco? All I know Italy isn’t shaped like a boot for no reason . . . Why go against that? I’m just glad I’m not color blind . . . For I wouldn’t know what country flag I’d be waving. It’s hard to distinguish green from blue.
Source
Date
Fri 07/07/06, 1:45 pm EST
