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Would You Share a Thong with Your BFF’S?
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On the heels of Jason Giambi deciding to come out of his thong drawer, I figured it was a question worth asking. From a dude, (perhaps that’s the wrong word to use in this case) that was strung out on needles and syringes a few years back, to now deciding to go public with his "golden thong with flames" no less to help his undersized batting average is just simply perplexing to me! What I really want to know is how in the hell that has to be to try and play baseball in. One would think having a piece of dental floss strung up your ass, tickling one's asshole is not at all comfy… Then again, I don’t know! Sorry, I don’t have a "slump busting thong" to try on for size; Macy's ran a blowout sale on them and by the time I swung by to pick one up for myself they were all sold out! However, just maybe "Thong Guy" will give me an opportunity to sport the lucky gold pair of dental floss up my crack. Seeing as how everybody in the Yankee dugout has gotten at least one ass rub by this thing… What is this, like a bag of sunflower seeds that just gets passed around?
Might I make a suggestion here Jason: perhaps you should try to influence Joe Girardi to sport it, if they are indeed so lucky as you along with your teammates say it is! Now there’s a good idea, considering Joe needs all the help he can get these days! Next why don’t you pay a visit to Brian Cashman and Hank Steinbrenner, seems like they’re down on their luck too! Funny thing is early this season, the Yankees banned all candy from the clubhouse…Stating they wanted their players to become healthy. Yeah, mission accomplished boys… You definitely have one hell of a sanitized clubhouse! Very healthy too! Of course, I get that it has been washed, (at least I’m hoping because as Mets Manager and former Yankee Coach Willie Randolph puts it, "Giambi's a little freaky") but this isn’t like having your boys wear your lucky hat, shoes, shits, etc….It’s freaking underwear, freak one! No telling where that shit has been! I’m having a difficult time deciding which is dirtier…You or that lovely lady standing on the corner of Suck & Fukc working hard to make $20 bucks! What’s next…Sharing your "lucky condoms"?
Another thing I’m having difficulties with regarding this "dugout thong", several teammates acknowledged they've tried wearing it too, including Yankees captain Derek Jeter and outfielder Johnny Damon. Okay, these Three Stooges have different sized torsos… How in the hell does that work then? Do they take a page out of a 15-year old who’s in high school who does the whole "sock thing" in the bra to fill it out? Now I’m willing to guess the Golden Thong Dude isn’t the only one who loves to put the squeeze play on his grapes for nine innings in MLB, but sharing the love… Well, that’s on the same level of cleaning out a dirty diaper and then giving it to Suzy down the street so she can use it for baby Jack! There’s just some shit, (pardon the pun) that homies don’t do for homies!
Hell, personally I have a hard time having my boys wear my hats! I don’t want their greasy head(s) in my lid! Shoes and shirts… Personally, I don’t have a problem with those! Loaning them your ride, somewhat… It just depends on the BFF who wants to borrow the whip. Loaning out underwear, well, it's safe to say that Giambi was never in Cub/Boy Scouts... If he was, he’d know that this shit isn’t part of Scouts Honor!
I seriously don’t know who should be more alarmed: the average person hearing this sick shit, (and I’m not referencing sick as good in this instance) or Yankee fans. Why Yankee fans? Well, here we are only in the latter half of May and these guys are turning to a "lucky dugout thong" to help turn their shit around and to catch the Rays of all teams! How awesome is that! Time for the fans to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge!
Kudos to Giambi for giving Sisco’s "Thong Song" a whole new meaning! Somehow, I don’t think this is what he had in mind…
