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Sports is my crack. ArmchairGM is my pipe.
-mannystiles@aol.com
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Well.... I Guess My Work Is Done Here.
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I have to say: It's been a pretty good run for me.
I started here at AGM way back in June of 2006 after being persuaded that the audience here would surpass my fan club of three on my former sports blog.
It has been a wild ride, an interesting ride, a straaaange ride, all of the above and of course turned into more than I was probably truly prepared to handle.
As a kid who grew up in the Philly burbs, I'm glad it is finally over for those I left behind in my quest to escape the insanity by moving to Arizona.
ArmchairGM and the opportunities I have created for myself using the site's name as a "legitimate" sports news outlet has indeed been berry, berry good to me.
And I have been good to the community, despite my inciteful and insightful commenting skills. No matter what, I always have the flair for picking the right games in which to do running blogs... and no matter what, I can always say that I was the first "blogger" to do a running blog from a MLB Pressbox... no one can take that away from me! I'm a freeking pioneer, dammit!
But no matter what my favorite or best works of blog may be... my intentions as a writer were only to try something new every time [ I] posted yet another article. To keep it fresh...
Today, I am a little melancholy. It has been quite a week for me. Sure, the Rays lost the World Series to the Phillies - JUST LIKE this guy said they would before the first round of playoffs were even over!!! Seriously. And it's not like I wasn't rooting for them a little... even when I said Momentum and a bandbox home field can take a team from "not a logical pick" to "yeah, that's how they got here". All they have to do is close the door on the Mets...
My best friend since I was nine - who still lives in PA - was at the game last night (and on Tuesday - when he called me to tell me all about the guy who fell off the 400 level mezzanine and died) and he kept calling me over and over last night to scream "I'm at the World Series!!!!" in my ear. I am truly happy for him and his son as well as all Phillies fans and the city of Philadelphia, where I lived in for over 4 years - including during the 1993 World Series - and is still my favorite big city in America. No town deserved to get off the schneid more.
After the World Series ended, my 3 year old son fell to the floor and kicked and cried repeatedly "I don't want the Phillies for win!!!" in his own little Rays fan diehard voice... as my 5 year old daughter consoled him. It made me cry tears of joy - I love my kids more than words can say but I also truly enjoy them as fellow sports-loving human beings!
Coincidentally, the game ended as the Suns - Spurs game was winding down and the Suns took a victory out of the AT&T Center in San Antonio, Texas. My daughter could see that I was a little physically down after the games ended and she said these precious words to me: "It's ok that the Rays lost, Dad. At least the Suns won!" as she raised her hands in glee... jeez, of course they were Suns fans before they were Rays fans! Unfortunately, my enthusiasm is a bit more realistic about the Suns this season than the enthusiasm of my kids.
But I'm not worried about my beloved Rays at all. In fact, I couldn't be more proud of them and think that this was a blessing beyond victories and defeats. A loss in the World Series will help them over the long term more, I believe. NOW they have something to fight for next season and the season after that... a win would have given them inflated egos and over-assumed feelings of entitlement - the exact same type of assumed entitlement they ridded the clubhouse of last season... the Rays will be closer-knit and more focused next year AND their talent will be more seasoned and fire tested as teams will be gunning for them.
Now they are coming back with a fresh dose of humility - they didn't quite finish the job. I truly believe this was the best thing that could happen to a team of 23-25 year olds. Too much success too soon would have been dangerous to long term success. Still, they can be VERY proud of the season they had... up until the World Series this team played phenomenally and cohesively like few teams ever before them. They should be commended.
Most of the players are signed through long term deals. Dioner Navarro will make himself some coin as will B.J. Upton. David Price will be a starter next year and there's still PLENTY of talent coming up from the farm system to follow. In a few years Reid Brignac, Matt Spring and Tim Beckham as well as the young arms of Mitch Talbot, Jeff Neimann, Jake McGee and Wade Davis will be in St. Pete and soon enough, a fan base brave enough to cross the many bridges and enter the "ghetto" of St. Pete to a new stadium will solve the "attendance riddle".
I have confidence in the front office to creatively overcome the issues that they need to contend with... after all, they sent me to scream from the rooftop of the blogosphere and toot on Gabriel's trumpet to let you know they were coming - and now they are here!
By all accounts, my "obligation" with Matt Silverman was over a long time ago. I stayed on for 2008 for free. But I really do miss the days of enjoying all of baseball instead of just focusing on one team. I'm not really cut out to be a "die hard" fan. Considering my exposure to the Arizona Fall League the past two years, I'm pretty well versed in what's coming around the bend for EVERY team!
I just simply love baseball, I don't care what the jersey's colors and logos are... I could watch some kids play wiffleball and enjoy it - as well as criticize the player's fundamentals - just the same.
I guess my work is done here...
In other respects my work really IS done here. Life is always bigger than sports - as sports is merely the enjoyable metaphor and life is the nutkicking bitch that yanks the rug under your feet just when you get to stand all the way up.
Despite thoroughly enjoying the Rays' Improbable Season, this year has been the worst year of my life.
Financially - Honestly, money has never been a primary concern of mine. There's more to life than money. But I had been trying to sell my house since last fall - during the worst real estate market collapse in our Nation's history while amassing insurmountable debt and depleted my life savings and eventually went bankrupt trying to hang on to what little we had... We're moving to Michigan in a matter of weeks (somehow) and until I can a foot in the door to a new career, this current state of despair will continue to drive me a tad batty.
Mentally - I'm worn down. In the pursuit of utilizing my creative writing skills I had come upon several different opportunities to write for other websites as employment -all of which fell through for one reason or another - and had two separate book proposals lined up with literary agents that both fell through for reasons unbeknownst to me.
Furthermore, due to the original plans of moving as well as the bankruptcy and financial despair, I was forced into selling my fish, aquariums and aquatic equipment as well as most of my prolific houseplant collections. Without my aquarian friends and vegetative buddies around to care for and release stress upon it has hampered my happiness. We were going to sell most of them before moving anyway - aquariums, fish and weird plants are replacable - but the absence of them has affected me deeply.
Creatively - Where have I been? My wife told me that she hardly recognizes "Manny Stiles" anymore... "Manny Stiles" was never meant to write about only sports. Focusing solely on sports has seriously cramped my creative juices. I'm more dynamic than that. I have dramatically reduced my music production, I haven't made a fresh video in WAAAY too long and haven't drawn or painted anything in months. Again - no aquariums or jungle room to tend to... I cannot express how much that depresses me to think about it. I need to express creativity in more than just a sports forum.
Emotionally/Psychologically - On top of my ADHD, I am manic depressive and the "depressive side" has been more than prolific in the past few months. I have always been a complex character with ridiculous (yet enjoyably entertaining) mood swings and I've usually enjoyed the random, mostly unexplainable ups and downs. But recently the ups have all but disappeared. I refuse to take medication for this condition and have always used methods of meditation and relaxation to combat this but being in this state of "limbo" until I move to Michigan in December has destroyed my motivation to write inspired notions without some form of income.
Spiritually - It has nothing to do with "selling my fan soul" but I feel I've fallen further away from my center in the Spiritual aspect more than any other. Before my days obsessing over sports at AGM, I was deeply intertwined in many Spiritual, metaphysical and "religious" pursuits. My soul has been running in place for too long and it hurts me deeply that I could have fallen so far, so quickly and so subtlely.
Physically - Here's the kicker. I've been dealing with some physical issues (including a stupid navel hernia I gave myself while coughing for which I'll need surgery) and yesterday during a regularly scheduled doctor visit - just minutes before World Series game 5 1/2 - I was diagnosed with a potentially immediate and VERY life threatening condition.
Thankfully, it should be treatable in the short term although there are still some results of tests we are waiting on before moving forward with other procedures. It most likely will be something I deal with the rest of my life and likely will take me into "the next realm" eventually - or sooner if I don't take it seriously.
Treatment will include severe dietary restrictions (Awww! I might as well be dead!) and a slew of medications as well as on-going observation and management of the condition. I was told specifically at this time to avoid stress at every opportunity until we begin medications and treatment... I guess wanting to smash my computer because AGM doesn't load right would fall into that category.
My family means more to me than anything else. We are moving to Michigan in December - Hell or High Water - and beginning the next Chapter in Life. I want to get prepared for the transition but also return to what brought me the most joy in writing - writing about any- and everything. So I'm returning to my original blog to clean house and get back to more than just one "Stile". Back to where I could ramble about whatever I felt like that day... Back to where the storytelling takes precedence over the fact checking - where it's just more "fun" than "work". And for the money I'm making in writing right now ($0) "having fun" takes precendence.
Don't fret, I'm not "going away for good"... I'll still double post my occasional sports ramblings here but certainly not as frequently. And DEFINITELY don't expect me to comment my ass off any more. Sportswriting has become a burden without restitution to me and at this time I want/need to lighten the load of things that won't benefit my current condition.
Things and times, they are a-changing. I have never feared change - in fact, I used to believe I dwelled specifically in change. But 2008 has been Stale City for me and it's time to get back "home" - to where change rules the constant and where the transitory is permanent - back to "Manny Stiles".
Thank You all for the support you've shown me and the time you've wasted entertaining yourselves with my word assemblements. Thanks for sharing your passions and efforts and stories and experiences here at AGM. I have enjoyed so much of it and some of it has inspired me to push onward! Special thanks to anyone who ever tried, questioned or tested me - if not for conflict, how would any of us every grow stronger?
Don't worry about me - I really do have my priorities straight. I'll be ok; I'll adapt and overcome just like I always have and before you know it, I'll be writing odd sports stories just like I always do. It's just going to be a few months... then you'll be reading about snow and ice fishing and who knows what!
I'll be around, this isn't another "retirement"... this is the next revolution in the wheel, the next movement, the newest wrinkle in the khakis of life!
Peace and Good Tidings, --E--
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I normally would call you "Stiles, ManRay, or any other name you've been bestowed over the years." But this calls for a normalcy...it has been an honor to know you, converse with you, bounce ideas off you, read your thoughts, musing, and rants..most of all I'm honored to call you friend..if you need anything..let me know I'm willing to help out. Good luck with your life, finances, and health. Know that I'll check in on you at your original blog, or drop you an email. You are not the "Manny Stiles", you are the style.
Best wishes and good luck,
Matt