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About the Author

Frank Stevenson
"DNL found out your IP address, so stop BSing. Now your account creation is blocked."

No way. I tried right away to sign up under a new user name once the original ban was in place and it wouldn't let me. No way in hell did I create a new user. No way the IP addresses match. You can't do it! Give it a try... have an admin block you and try to sign up under a new name... you can't! If you just don't won't me back then fine, but to make up a reason to ban me is another. What about this JR Lives dude, he probably has no idea what's going on and I don't want to think I'm the reason he can't post here.

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To Be Like "Frank" You Must Dress Like "Frank": A What to Wear for Sports

by Frank Stevenson
created March 12, 2008, last edited February 10, 2009
5
Vote

I know that people have been dying to know more about me. Well, as already discussed before I am a huge sports fan. But I'm more than just a spectator, I'm also a huge sports athlete who is pretty good at every damn sport I play. Yes, in my younger days I was being scouted for the NHL, but being only around 5'4" at 13 years old, 5'6" at 16 years old, my size sure was making it difficult. 5 concussions later my hockey career was over. I also did play some baseball, soccer, football, golf, down hill-skiing, switched to snowboarding, water skiing switched to wake boarding which switched to kit boarding, surf, fish, no hunting, no real tennis, did play in a rugby league for the past 3 summers, no real basketball, have ran in 2 marathons......

Well, I dabbled in a lot. I would have played dodgeball as a kid but I found it too violent.

But what's really important is what I wear before I get ready to play a particular sport. I'm going to share with you all my wardrope and where you can purchase it..... so one day you can be as preparred as Frank Stevenson is.

Let's start with me naked. Yup, I just got out of bed or out of work and I'm ready to play some sports. I take of all my clothes, I'm naked as can be, and I'm ready to get ready to go.

1. Underwear.

Usually throughout the day I like to wear boxers. But in sports you can't. And you can't free ball it either.

Now it does depend if it is winter or summer. In the summer when my balls sweat a lot I prefer under armor thong underwear. It really does "whip the sweat right off your testicals" like advertised (and trust me guys the ladies don't like salty sweaty balls- south park). You can purchase this under wear on their site or go to any athletic store. http://www.underarmour.com/

In the winter when I need some more heat and warmth I prefer cotton underwear. Again, out with the boxers and in with the briefs. I recommend something with lots of support. The more support the better don't you think? Fruit of the loom makes my favorites. You can go to it's very properly named website: http://www.fruit.com/

 

Now let's move onto socks. I prefer these. Don't know why but I really find them comfortable and they do handle the sweat and odor's well. One would think cotton socks would be better but I have found that especially when playing hockey you need to keep those little piggies warm. Again, you can get these at fruit.com

Next we move onto shorts. Bicycle shorts are excellent to wear while participating in EVERY sport possible. I use to wear these bad boys while playing rugby with the boys. Now wait a second some of you might be saying out loud... Frank they are also called bicycle "briefs"! And yes you would be correct! Again, it's all about support and comfort and what gives you that extra edge in sports athletics. When it's cold outside I switch to under armor's "Cold Action Leggins". (and yes I wear them OVER my thong underwear).

What about a shirt? Well, I prefer to wear just my bicycle briefs in the summer shirtless (and yes men you have to shave that chest for less wind resistance!!!!) but if it gets a little chilly I again go with under armor. I prefer to buy the ones that already have the muscles built in (sort of like Batman!)

 

PS- don't forget to tape your nipples if you are running!

I also wear a one piece outfit if I can't match my tops with my bottoms or use this guide to help color match. I swear some of you boys are soooooo color blind. Oh my gosh!

 

So we have our underwear on, we have our socks on, we have shorts or pants on, shirt if needed.... what about shoes???

Yes, I prefer the Nike Ipod shoes. FAN-TAS-TIC!!!  For only $899.99 you can get the shoes and that hip-hop music too to really get those butts moving( http://www.apple.com/ipod/nike/)

 

I listen to a little Tupac when I work out or exercise :)

To protect my gold locks does Frank Stevenson wear a hat? Hell NO! You got to do-rag that mother-fu_kers! I like the ones that have little flaps on the back so when I'm running really really fast they blow behind me (it's so freakin cool!) My favorite do-rag is from A-rod's collection which you can buy at www.arodisgay.com. Mine is the one in pink.

So I think we have everything right? WRONG!!!!! When your sweating and you need dry hands you need to some sweat bands dog!

That's when I turn to my girlfriend AVRIL: GIRL POWER!!! When I'm done listening to some Tupac I usually end my run or work-out or rugby match with a little Avril to keep the testosterone and adrenaline pumping. You can purchase these wrist sweat bands at any Avril concert.

Last but not least I got to be protecting those eyes. You can't catch a football or hit a baseball with sun in your eyes now can you? And the black marker stuff placed under my eyes just don't work with my pretty blue eyes. Last year for Christmas, my wife bought me the best sports sunglasses EVER! POLICE! by David Sexyman.

So there you have it. Now you can NOT only play like Frank Steveson but you can also DRESS like him too! Dress for Success? or Dress to WIN!!!!!!

I am not a paid endorser of any of these products. They are simply Frank Stevenson's favorite things- like Oprah!

You're welcome.

PS- don't forget to wear a brace for each body joint :)

WE MUST PROTECT THE CHAIR!


Enable Comment Auto-Refresher
Tyrone BriggsHall of Famer
626 days ago
Score 0+-
@ Frank: Is all that expensive gear really necessary for you to crawl down the end of your driveway every morning to pickup your copy of the Sun-Times?
Permalink | Reply
Frank StevensonRed-Shirting
626 days ago
Score 2+-
Dude do you know how long my driveway is? For a guy that spends all day sitting on his ass in the dark going back and forth between here and MRI/X-ray/CT reports that driveway gets longer and longer with each day.
Permalink
Frank StevensonRed-Shirting
626 days ago
Score 2+-
@ Tyrone. How did you get my picture? And why am I your avator?
Permalink
Tyrone BriggsHall of Famer
626 days ago
Score 0+-
Just a little reminder of someone I know...
Permalink
Bobbyjim45Draft Pick
626 days ago
Score 4+-
"How do you kill one which has no life?"
Permalink
Tyrone BriggsHall of Famer
626 days ago
Score -1+-
@ BJ45: Huh?
Permalink
Bobbyjim45Draft Pick
626 days ago
Score 2+-
C'mon TB, it's a quote from the South Park episode your avatar is from...
Permalink
Frank StevensonRed-Shirting
626 days ago
Score 2+-
I'm ashamed of Tyrone right now. He should be flogged. Since he didn't know that quote I'm suggesting..actually demanding he remove his avator :(
Permalink
Bobbyjim45Draft Pick
626 days ago
Score 3+-
Unless Tyrone can counter me with a quality South Park quote of his own (preferrably from the same episode), I will second the demand. We're waiting Tyrone...
Permalink
Frank StevensonRed-Shirting
626 days ago
Score 2+-
He's probably looking it up. I say we BAN HIS avator. BAN it (the avator). Such embarrasment.

Here's the entire episode

Tyrone: "Hey dude I just took the biggest crap! Hey where are you guys?" Bobby:"Dude we've been waiting for ever" Tyrone: "Well I'm sorry I had to take a dump"

Bobby: "If you didn't eat so much you wouldn't have diarrhea fat ass!"
Permalink
Frank StevensonRed-Shirting
626 days ago
Score 2+-
I forgot the link: I'm such an artard! http://video...v=mostviewed
Permalink
Tyrone BriggsHall of Famer
626 days ago
Score 0+-
I am disgusted with myself for "misremembering" that quote. Shame on me. Bad Tyrone! Bad!
Permalink
Bobbyjim45Draft Pick
626 days ago
Score 2+-
MAAA!!! BAFROOM!!!... BAFROOM!!!
Permalink
Frank StevensonRed-Shirting
626 days ago
Score 2+-
The more I watch this I have to laugh and think of all of us here. Frank "On the outside world I'm just a simple radiologist but in here I'm Frank Stevenson, sports expert and figther at armchairgm"
Permalink
Frank StevensonRed-Shirting
626 days ago
Score 2+-
Butters: But I'm playing hello kitty adventure :)
Permalink
Tyrone BriggsHall of Famer
626 days ago
Score 0+-
Tyrone: "On the outside world I'm just a Jay Mariotti hater but in here I'm Tyrone Briggs, Jay Mariotti hater at armchairgm"
Permalink
Bobbyjim45Draft Pick
626 days ago
Score 2+-
In the real world I'm a simple balla, but here, I'm Bobbyjim45, King of Sports... MOM! More Hot Pockets!
Permalink
Frank StevensonRed-Shirting
626 days ago
Score 0+-
Wow, I guess people dont' want to be like "Frank" :)
Permalink | Reply
Tyrone BriggsHall of Famer
626 days ago
Score 0+-
Does Frank like being "Frank"?
Permalink
Frank StevensonRed-Shirting
625 days ago
Score 0+-
Does Frank like being "Frank"? Absolutely!!!!!!! Frank is extremely proud of Frank's physique, intelligence, and personal "style". And the ladies definately likey little Frankey. Frank's a pretty popular guy...... just not here :(
Permalink
Tyrone BriggsHall of Famer
625 days ago
Score 0+-
For the planet's sake...

Keep a hat on little Frankie.

Thanks.
Permalink
Frank StevensonRed-Shirting
625 days ago
Score 0+-
Frankey, not Frankie, likes to breath the fresh air. Little Frankey doesn't like turtle necks or hats. Don't smoother Frankey. He just wants to be loved!
Permalink
Frank StevensonRed-Shirting
626 days ago
Score 0+-
Okay, just to remind to everyone this is the entire episode http://video...v=mostviewed
Permalink | Reply
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Categories: Opinions | Opinions by User Frank Stevenson | March 12, 2008 | March 2008

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This page was last modified 22:57, 11 January 2009. Content is available under the GFDL.

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