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The Longest Yard “All-Pro Team” – Inspired by Michael Vick
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This week there’s been conflicting reports coming out of Nowherevilles, Kansas…Or some may refer to it as Leavenworth regarding the activities of inmate #07077007. Or again, some may refer to the person as Michael Vick…Either way you want to look at it he somehow making headlines from cell block seven.
Earlier this week in an interview with the New York Daily News, Arthur Blank said Vick was playing ball in prison to keep his body in shape, his arm limber and to pass the time. And for his off the field duties he was being the best damn dishwasher he could be for around five cents to 12 an hour, (we’re trying to get the final numbers on that). Well, one thing is for sure, it’s quite apparent that Mike has certainly done some thinking while away…Good to see he has recognized that upon his release in December 2009, (target date) if his football career doesn’t get a second opportunity it’s good to know that the Waffle House officials just might have a "can’t miss" prospect on their hands! And with that, surely Mike would be welcomed back to the ATL with open arms because has anyone every seen how many WH there are in Atlanta? Hell, they’re like assholes there…Every damn street corner has one!
"He is staying in shape. Apparently, there was a prison football team and he played quarterback for both sides."
Well it would appear that it just so happens Arthur Blank "MISREMEMBERED" or something of that nature…And Falcons fans, (if they’re any left) wonder why the franchise seems to be in disarray! Wow, go figure! Yeah, which MV7 might be tossing a football around in prison, but according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, it's far from organized.
When told of Blank's account of Vick's football activity at the prison, a spokesman for Leavenworth sounded "incredulous," (such a big word) according to the Journal-Constitution.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Kevin Johnson told the newspaper.
A spokesperson for the U.S. Bureau of Prisons told the Journal-Constitution, however, that Vick might be throwing a football in his free time. "It's not unheard of for inmates to toss around a football," spokesperson Tracy Billingsley told the newspaper. "But there just are no games until the fall." Come on Art, AKA Home Depot God, don’t you know that the pigskins don’t start flying around until the fall! And there you have it Falcons fans…Your owner!
Now I don’t know about you, but was thrilled to death after hearing of Vick’s having animations to be the next Paul Crewe and land a leading role in "The Longest Yard 3". Actually upon hearing this news I soaked my Under-Roos so much that it looked like I just got attacked by a fire hydrant. Although upon me changing my drawers, I had mixed emotions about it….Wondering, we all, (including his prison running mates) expect him to be this superstar football player, and soon realizing they’ve got a shitty quarterback. Rufus in cell block D is a much more accurate passer. Yes, it’s the Atlanta Falcons draft day all over again as he’s certainly not worthy of a #1 pick! While it’d be a huge let down all over again, one thing’s for sure…He’d almost certainly have a better receiving corp in Leavenworth than he had in the Dirty-Dirty!
As I sat some more, (in my dry, new change of drawers) I did some more pondering…And came up with this thought. We’ve all seen the Longest Yard and with so many NFL players making regular scheduled visits to the finest penitentiaries this country has to offer more frequently than they’re involved with their United Way I figured why doesn’t Hollywood, instead of paying actors, just get the real thing? And seeing as since I’ll be out there in less than a month, I figured why not organize a talent pool of prospects for them. Now I’m sure the entire Cincinnati Bengal organization would love to participate in something like this…At least they’d be good at doing something, right! Although that would be taking the easy way out!
So without any further adieu, here’s my cast of convicts for the "Longest Yard: Kick a Field Goal"
QB – Kerry Collins…Played in a Super Bowl and loves to make out with alcohol…A real life Paul Crewe
FB – Jamal Lewis
RB – O.J. Simpson…He’ll be there soon enough! No dishwashing for him though!
RB2 – Lawrence Phillips
WR – Michael Irvin
WR – Rae Carruth
WR/DB – Michael Vick…If he can’t handle both ways, we’ll just have to beat’em, electrocute’em and hang’em
WR – Koren Robinson
O & D Line – Barrett Robbins
O & D Line – Nate Newton
O & D Line – Dexter Manley…Just don’t expect him to read the movie script!
LB – Richard Seigler
LB – Ray Lewis…I know, it was only temp., but what a great addition to this squad!
LB – Keith McCants
DB – Pacman Jones
DB – Kenny Wright
DB - Nick Harper
Punter - Rick Tuten
Kicker - Russell Erxleben, a former kicker for the Saints
Now the question becomes, what does your convict pool of talent look like? Who ya got on your Cast of Convicts – All-Pro List?
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