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The Freudian Fumble Quiz: What Kind of Fantasy Football Personality Do You Have?
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There are many different types of strategies that people choose to implement during their fantasy football season, and more often than not, it’s a direct reflection of their personality. Some people choose to start preparing for the next fantasy football season the day after the Super Bowl, while others rely on their own drunken intuition throughout the entire season.
While it would be impossible to really nail down every single type of personality out there when it comes to fantasy football, I’ve done my best to go ahead and make a quiz that should give us all a pretty solid representation of who we really are. Although I’ve tried very hard to make this sound as serious as possible, you'll soon see that this isn’t really meant to be taken as such. So sit back, relax, and without further ado:
1.) The draft is about to start and you’re in your Commissioners living room. What are you doing?
A.) Carefully laying out your Excel spreadsheets detailing the specifics of every possible scenario of every possible branched outcome that the draft may go.
B.) At the CVS down the street, buying a fantasy football magazine that has the most impressive looking cover.
C.) On the phone with your girlfriend, informing her that you’d much rather be at home with her watching Grey’s Anatomy and cuddling instead of at this pesky draft...
D.) Trying to convince the commissioner to allow the league to trade individual draft picks this year. (And failing...)
E.) Already putting a dent into your third Jack and Coke of the evening.
2.) Out of the following, what would you have chosen to name your fantasy football team for the year?
A.) Long Live the 46 Defense
B.) Hometown Heroes
C.) My Girlfriend Owns My Nuts
D.) Trades, Trades, and Trades Make the World Go Round.
E.) Natty Ice All Day, All Day
3.) It’s the first Monday Night Football of the season and your leagues Commish has set up a meet up at your local Hooters. What are you doing?
A.) Off at a separate table, looking at a list of your player’s upcoming bye weeks and trying to foresee what strategy you'll need to get through all of those weeks unscathed.
B.) Sporting your newly purchased jersey of your hometown teams promising young defensive rookie.
D.) Attempting to put together a well-thought-out-but-ultimately-too-complicated of a three-way, six player bonanza deal.
E.) Enjoying the moment beside your very own ice-cold pitcher of brew-ha.
4.) Your He-Man of a Commissioner somehow scored everyone in your league tickets to your hometown teams Week Three game. What are you doing?
A.) Trying to calculate how many targets your wide receiver that’s on the visiting team will get for the entire game and also how many of those targets he’ll convert into receptions – for really no particular reason at all.
B.) In a different section of the stadium, where you’re always at for every home game since you have season tickets.
C.) Getting razzed by everyone in the league because you have a "Go Team" sign that says, “I Love You Janet!” at the bottom, per your demanding, monstrous girlfriend’s request.
D.) Currently in trade talks involving extra money and a cooler full of booze with a section of seven people, twelve rows up.
E.) Trying to nix the aforementioned trade because you don’t feel a slightly closer perspective of the game is worth sacrificing the rest of the alcohol for.
5.) It’s your beloved local team’s bye week and for once, your Commissioner doesn’t really have anything big planned for the week. What are you doing?
A.) Studying projections and statistics of your WR3 and TE2 up until minutes before the weeks roster freeze in a desperate attempt to successfully choose the one who will score the most points for the week.
B.) Taking the week off from football and enjoying some nice bootlegged Internet downloads of past UFC PPV events. (Shame on you!)
C.) Staying secretly up to date on the week’s fantasy football happenings while over your girlfriend’s parent’s house for Sunday afternoon tea and dinner. Yes, they're seriously having tea.
D.) Trying desperately to make a trade before the weeks roster freeze because you hadn’t foreseen that both your RB1 and RB2 had bye weeks for the week. Genius.
E.) At your local sports bar to enjoy a solid... 11-12 hours of drinking, wings, and of course, metric shit-tons of football.
6.) At last, it’s the bittersweet Super Bowl Sunday. Your league has long since wrapped up the championships and your wonderful Commissioner is unsurprisingly hosting a party at his house for the formal award ceremonies and the Big Game. What are you doing?
A.) Already planning for next year while you get ready to accept the league championship trophy. (Which is an aluminum foil belt with your league name written with marker on a gold paper center. Classy!)
B.) Lamenting the fact that your hometown team lost in the Championship Game two weeks prior.
C.) Wishing you had somehow talked your girlfriend out of coming to the party as she awards you a homemade “1st place for effort” apple pie with “XOXOXO” written on top in white icing.
D.) Currently undergoing some heat for trading away half your team to a contender near the end of the season for a few, young keeper prospects.
E.) At the package store buying the Super Bowl parties supply of booze since, well, that’s just the type of thing that you do. All the time.
Results:
If you answered mainly A’s:
While you may technically be considered to be clinically obsessed with football and its fantasy counterpart, this addiction has still managed to serve you well as you frequently finish in the money each and every year. It probably has something to do with the fact that you clocked in roughly 430 extra hours of studying, researching, and analyzing every possible thing in regards to your teams performance than anyone else in the league -- but hey, who's counting, right?
If you answered mainly B’s:
While you always participate in your league year after year, and remain pretty interested more than your... average bear... you’re mainly focused on your local hometown team and only really follow other games in which you have players from your own squad participating. While the majority of the other people in your league are more of a fan of the NFL as a whole, you’re mainly a fan of your beloved childhood team first and foremost.
If you answered mainly C’s:
WHAPEEEEEEEEEESHHHHHHH! You, my dear friend, are the very definition of whipped. It is not the best trait to possess while trying to participate in a fantasy football league, although at least you give the rest of the league an endless supply of pussy-whipped jokes to laugh about for the entire season. Bravo!
If you answered mainly D’s:
You are physically addicted to trading of all sorts and kinds. You are never satisfied with anything and are always trying to make a better team or gain a better position in life by trading something for something better. You would have been better off being born in a barter-focused world because you would likely have ended up ruling the entire area due to your relentless tactics and refusal to take no for an answer. You also don't share very well.
If you answered mainly E’s:
You might want to start looking into finding a way to stop drinking there bud. You drafted a kicker in the 6th round for goodness sake! That's the last straw!
But yeah, fantasy football all around has been getting pretty serious. But I love that side of it -- I'm working on a "Comotose WR Sleepers" article as we speak, haha! :P