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Spygate: A Scandal in Ten Limericks
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There are too many questions that we will never know the answer to--how the tapes were used, how many wins or losses would have happened if the New England Patriots weren't spying, how the Super Bowls may have been affected--but commissioner Roger Goodell feels as though further investigation would not produce any more significant information about the scandal. Instead of me rambling on about how it may taint the legacy but it will not take away the unadulterated joy the Patriots have brought me, I present a series of limericks describing Spygate.
SEPTEMBER 6, 2007: PATS BEAT NEW YORK JETS 38-14
It was the first game of the year
And the Pats game plan was very clear.
Throwing to Randy Moss
Led to a Jets loss,
And a league-wide sense of fear.
SEPTEMBER 9, 2007: NFL OFFICIALS CONFISCATE VIDEO CAMERA OF PATRIOTS' EMPLOYEE
The league found it very suspicious.
But the media found it delicious
That a such a great team
Could spy, cheat and scheme
With a history so auspicious.
SEPTEMBER 13, 2007: GOODELL PUNISHES, PATS TURN OVER TAPES
The commish laid down the hammer
And put Coach in a virtual slammer.
So they gave up each tape
And tried to escape
The scandal that tarnished their glamor.
SEPTEMBER 22, 2007: TAPES ARE DESTROYED
Goodell reviewed all the evidence
And found it to be of no relevance.
So he destroyed it all,
Hoped the curtain would fall,
And not much has happened since.
NOVEMBER 15, 2007: ARLEN SPECTER WRITES A LETTER OF CONCERN TO GOODELL
But a Senator from P-A
Found the tape destruction not okay.
A big fan of the Eagles,
He thought the actions illegal
May have taken Philly's title away.
FEBRUARY 1-2, 2008: MATT WALSH AND THE RUMORED RAMS WALK-THROUGH
And then before Super Bowl Sunday
An ex-Pat with info to relay
Came to the forefront.
Yet was perpetually blunt
And refused to have anything to say.
To add fuel to the Super fire
Came an accusation down to the wire.
A past Super Bowl win
May not be genuine
And the Pats problems became more dire.
MAY 12, 2008: GOODELL MEETS WITH WALSH
Roger met Matt in New York City,
And they talked a while in committee.
With lots of tapes to show,
To the media they go,
Although the footage is boring and gritty.
Goodell says there's nothing to add
To the sports media's favorite fad.
The Pats made a mistake
And caused many headaches
But more digging would drive the league mad.
So the case is almost closed
But there are still questions posed.
Is the dynasty tainted?
How will it be painted?
In the end, the Pats are exposed.
