Well, I tried. Sports Shaman had met with me on Tuesday to arrange a reading for Supertastic Bowl Forty and Two. If you forget who or what Sports Shaman and Sports Augury are, need a refreser or are just out of interesting things to read - Click HERE! and if you like basketball, HERE.

Unfortunately his visit was cut short before we cut the tarot cards – We had plans to meet tonight, the night before the Super Bowl to perform the reading, but his wife works at a hospital and was called in on emergency. So good, ole’ life got in the way and he was unable to travel to meet me. Sports Shaman will however be in attendance at Casa de Stiles tomorrow for the Gigantic Game and may have some comments for the eventual live blog tomorrow.

But tonight he would miss a fun, food and wine-inspired getogether filled with raucous laughter – mostly at Erik’s expense… yes, the jokes were biting and flowing from all directions. It’s always fun when the big guy gets belittled…

Lucky for me… I guess… my wife has some wacky friends of her own. (wacky is always good when it's accompanied by "hotness")

Among the 15 attendees at our pre-Stupor Sunday getogether for Saturn's Day at Casa de Stiles was "Rose", a friend of my wife’s friend's friend's friend, etc. or whatever, a 29/30something somewhat seemingly playfully ditzy yet secretly sultry and sweet-assed dirty blonde who not only grew up near where my wife grew up in Michigan (yes, it is a small world, blah blah blah, are you gonna get naked or what?), but also currently is employed as a “professional” psychic in Sedona, Arizona. (ok... NOW, you’re suddenly actually interesting to me!!)

After some interesting conversation and learning that the MILF partying at my house was an enjoyer of tarot, I explained my dire sports journalistic situation and the idea was presented (could you do a reading with me about the Super Bowl?).

Thankfully, enough libations were enjoyed prior to me getting too weird for comfort and/or mucho gonzo journalistica that the answer was a mere "hell yeah, why not?"

I quizzed "Rose" on some basics of football and she was able to name a total of 3 players on the two teams. Eli Manning, Randy Moss and Tom Brady. She said she knew Tom Brady because of the TV. "He is pretty hot." she muttered and paused... "Yeah, then again I am pretty superficial!" she boldly pronounced and thus her new name was born!

"Rose" became known as Superficial Sports Psychic!

(No, she didn't like my "why do I need to make an appointment if you're psychic" crack nor did she get it when I told her she "would be abbreviated as SSP, alphabetically right before SSR."

Not even a pity chuckle.

The Superficial Superific Bowl Tarot Reading

This is a description of actual events. The reading took place tonight with a Crowley adapted Rider-Waite deck The readings are actual and true and were not altered by any of my "wishes, wants or anticipations". Those unfamiliar with tarot readings need to understand that the laying out of cards is NOT a future telling method, but similar to the laying down of a picture and interpreting it's meaning.

We agree to do two standard "cross" readings one for each team. She agrees to allow me to apply Sports Shaman’s technique as for whom should read first using the double sacred coin selection method and we determine that the New York Giants get read first.

There is the triple shuffle, triple cut, off-hand selection method used to lay the cards. All parts in "quotation marks" are spoken quotes from Superficial Sports Psychic and all parts in (parentheses) are Manny's fontal, non-spoken takes on the interpretations.

New York Giants Team Spread

Five cards are laid face down in the "cross" and are turned over one at a time.

Giants Card One - Center/Present Position

Prince of Swords

“Airy part of air, a young man (Eli Manning) – a green and yellow card definitely representing action”

“In the middle of the action, leading the way with guys”

(Manny's take -at the middle of it all, for the Giants… Eli Manning?)

Giants Card Two - Psychic/Spirit Position

Magus – I – second major arcana card

Magician or juggler, symbolic of Mercury, balances the elements messenger of the gods; creative force in action

Yellows match Prince of Swords, in the position – Magus standing straight and strong in the spiritual position, flows from the Prince of Swords in color. The Magus has many weapons at hand – the particular Magus card chosen for this reading includes 8 arms, each hand weilding a tool – “well equiped”

(Manny's take – Could Tom Coughlin have a few tricks up his sleeve?)

Giants Card Three - Instinct Position

Prince of Disks

Represents airy earth – great enrgy to practical matters/ a capable manager and steadfast worker. Competent, maybe dull somewhat resentful of spiritual types,

“Very powerful card. Represents a bull-strength. The prince calmly directs the world and a bull riding his chariot. A very solid chariot."

"On the animal level for a football team, this is how a football team would want to go into a game. Animal strength on an animal level”

(Manny's take – I think the Giants are primed for some physical football)

Giants Card Four - Past Position (leads up to present position)

Nine of Cups – Happiness – Jupiter in Pisces

Complete success. Pleasure, happiness, physical well-being. The lottery card! Generally, this is a great card you always want to get, but this is in their past position.

They feel like they have complete success. Goes into the Prince of Swords, with the underlying Prince of Disks moving forward”

(Manny's take – If this isn’t the development of Eli since the last Pats game, I give up. This card came up in the Bears Instinct position last year – they were just happy to be there. I think the Giants have enjoyed their success on the road? Tough card to read here…)

Giants Card Five - Future Position (travels beyond present position)

Ace of Cups The Holy Grail, the impress of divine inspiration Fertility, productiveness, pleasure in happiness.

“Fireworks after the other 4 cards come together. A Grand Finale.”

(Manny's take – This is gonna be just like Shrimpadamus said!)

Superficial Sports Psychic's Giants Spread Translation

“happiness, coming together, absolute balance. Moves to the present through the Prince of Swords by the strengths of the other powers and tools available”

“They got here together through balance and happiness. There are three key players pulling in the forward direction in front of the Prince of Swords" (Eli?)

“Their story resolves, through a centered explosion, resulting in their happiness… and there’s gonna be fireworks. I think it means their gonna win.”

(Manny’s take – Uh… uhh… 18-1... Uh, I'm gonna explode! Uhhh... Uh...)

New England Patriots Spread

Same setup, new shuffles.

Patriots Card One - Center/Present Position

Nine of Swords - Cruelty – Mars in Gemini

Agony of mind, despair, hopelessness, worry, suffering, loss, illness, pain, burden

“Burden seems enboldened here. A lot of pressure. “

“Is Tom Brady’s injury really worse?”

(Manny's take – Great. Either we’re gonna have a new bloody sock or it sounds to me like an injury is going to derail the new “Impossible Dream”)

Patriots Card Two - Psychic/Spirit Position

Seven of Cups - "Debauch" – Venus in Scorpio

The effort to increase pleasure has ended in corruption. The lotus has become poison and the cups are chipped. Illusory success, drug addiction, intoxication, guilt, lying, deceit, promises unfulfilled.

“Droopy, sad lotus flowers. A most beautiful flower decayed. Something happened with someone on this team that is going to affect play.

(Manny's take – Do we have a new Eugene Robinson or a new Bill Buckner what is it?)

Patriots Card Three - Instinct Position

Four of Wands – "Completion" – Venus in Aires

Introduction of order, perfected work, completion after much labor; settlement; conclusions from previous knowledge.

“8 Spokes on a wheel. Rams and doves. Heady yet peaceful. Routine of striving for perfection. A balance of grace and strength”

(Manny's take – They Patriots players are clearly being brainwashed.)

Patriots Card Four - Past Position (leads up to present position)

Heirophant – V

Divine wisdom, inspiration, stubborn strength. Persistance, teaching, help form superiors, organization, occult force voluntarily invoked.

“Dominion through will.”

The card clearly represents a male figure with a hood and cutoff sleeves. I’m not kidding.

(Manny's take – Belichick is using witchcraft?!?!?!)

Patriots Card Five - Future Position (travels beyond present position)

Art – XIV

Combination of forces. Action based on accurate calculation. Economical management. A way of escape.

“Commonly known as Temperance in many decks. A blending of opposites. A time for sharing feelings rather than repressing them.

“I don’t get this card in this position at all”

Manny's take - This is a muddled reading, but I thought you were a "pro"?)

Superficial Sports Psychic’s Patriots Spread Translation

"This is a weird one. It doesn’t flow at all. A very negative color scheme. Many reds, drooping lotus, a heirophant dealing with the past.”

“No matter what happens, they will get their completion. Their exercises and practices to get to this moment are over.”

“I almost feel bad for them for having to deal with the burden of HAVING to win. If they lose can they still find solace. This is really fucking with them spiritually. Even if they win, they’re only doing what they are supposed to do.”

(Manny's take – As I am writing this, there are 53 guys hoping they aren’t the next Bill Buckner – maybe Tom Brady is going to have a Joe Theismann moment?)

Cut Readings

Cut readings are made by shuffling the deck in the standard manner and reading the card pulled. For this part, we chose to do individual readings for the offense, defense and special teams for each team. The card would define significant questions and strategic realities they will encounter.

Offense

Wouldn't an onense be better than an offense?

Giants Offense

The Empress – III

Incarnate womanhood, holding the lotus. Love happiness, good fortune; gentleness and graciousness. Potential fulfilled.

“very feminine, a sword and a swan, two crescent moons, lotsa blue swirly stuff.”

“Almost Queen-like regality. A crown. A masculine looking figure on a soft appearing card”

(Manny's take – Maybe Eli is just a late bloomer when we really thought he was a girl? Maybe he takes after his mother?)

Patriots Offense

Fortune -X

This is where you experience the consequences of you action. Change of fortune with this card is usually good.

“Spin the wheel and watch what happens.”

“A lot of electricity in this card. A lot of lightning bolts, the wheel is spinning and characters are hanging on”

(Manny's take - sounds to me that lightning is gonna strike Tom Brady down or someone is gonna screw up royally. Either way, the bandwagon will be the excusewagon on Monday.)

Defense

Defense wins championships when offense fail to.

Giants Defense

Hanged Man – XII

Redemption through forced sacrifice and suffering. Turned upside down but not bothered. Uncomfortable at first, but provides a new perspective.

“A triangle and a cross. They may pay a price, and hang from a thread but the perfect grid of calculations behind him."

(Manny's take – sounds to me like an injury or adjustment will force the Giants to act in a manner that will allow them to win)

Patriots Defense

Ten of Disks – Wealth - Mercury in Virgo

Material prosperity. Completion of material fortune but nothing beyond final solidification unless there is devotion creativity. Old age.

“10 little happy circles, Balanced but missing a centerpiece. There’s a hole in the formation”

(Manny's take – The way this reading is going, Brady and Bruschi are both getting hurt for sure)

Special Teams

Hey, they have uniforms on too!

Giants Special Teams

Knight of Wands

Purely male creative force in fire or spirit

Represents fire part of fire.

“That sounds like football to me”

(Manny's take – Domenik Hixon won’t get to be the hero, dammit?)

Patriots Special Teams

Five of Wands – “Strife” – Saturn in Leo

Disproportionate size indicate that following the coordination of spirit, disunions has begun. Quarrelling, fighting, competition.

“Fiery yellow. Unsettled, mustard flames. Centered and very balanced. Maybe a little angry.”

(Manny's take – I guess this a Superific Bowl that will leave more questions than answers?)

Overall Cut Readings

Pick a card, get an answer!

Two simple questions, Two cards; that's it.

Question One: I draw the card...

How will the game play out?

The card - Queen of Cups

Tranquil. A lot of flowing water. Lots of movement, but not much action.

(Manny's takes – Sounds like lots of punts. Take the UNDER!!!! )

I draw the second card to answer...

What is the eventual outcome of the game?

The card - Three of Wands – Virtue – Sun in Aires

Established strength, success after struggle, realization of hope; nobility

“Who wouldn’t be arrogant after they just won the Super Bowl?"

Then she said it… non-chalantly and unprovoked during a moment of contemplative thought - “The Giants are going to win. Anything else?”

(Manny's take - The Giants are going to win! I only hope it's in Overtime!!!)

The final analysis of the reading

So take from this what you choose, but choose wisely.

She doesn't like to be called "Rosie" and she's a spunky little spriteful pixie but either she was really bad at tarot and/or inattentive to what we were doing or she was so attuned that she got bored with me trying to catch up with her; I'm still not sure!

I have to say it is rare to see this many Major Arcana cards in two cross and cut readings.

All in all, WAY different than a reading with the Sports Shaman but fun in a different manner - let's put it this way... Sports Shaman isn't pretty! I think the Superola Bowla got itself another female viewer tomorrow based on my impressions tonight.

Anyway - to the non-scientific analysis!!!

I can envision the Giants O-line coming out for this game VERY motivated. Saying “yeah, you guys get all the love, but we’re gonna shove it down your throats and kick the living shit out of you – hell, we practice against the best D-line in the game – WHAT YOU GOT?” I can also see the Giants D-Line disrupting normalcy for the Pats.

Rodney Hampton could be grinding out a decent statistical-wise yet highly effective game. I can envision Eli doing what he needs to and nothing more.

Hell, this is just another road game for the Giants and no one that paid $700+ for a ticket is boing Eli off the field! It’s amazing what a sensitive guy can do once he gets a little confidence!

Week 17 was about pride – for the Patriots. They wanted 16-0.

Week 17 was about pride – for the Giants. They learned they ARE this good.

Call me crazy. Call me worse. Call me something my parents haven’t!

Sure, I tried a lot of nonsense and shenanigans this year in an attempt to de-rail the “Perfect Season”, but let me tell you – the signs are Super. The New York Giants are primed to win the Giant Bowl!!!

To peruse Manny Stiles' archives for readutaining articles, or at least, the first 200 alphabetically, click HERE.