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Rawbeezeitz
Thinks there should be a ban on using music lyrics for your Facebook status.

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Is Bruins' Backup Goalie Manny Fernandez a Highlander?

by Rawbeezeitz
created December 03, 2008, last edited February 10, 2009
10
Vote


Why is Manny Fernandez such a good goalie? It's because he's immortal and he feeds off the power of other Highlanders he kills. That's why.

I have proof that Manny Fernandez is immortal. Just look at his name. The current Manny Fernandez was "born" in 1974 in Ontario as Emmanuel Fernandez. But this is all just a cover story. There have been Manny Fernandezes for hundreds of years, and they’re him pretending to be a new person to prevent suspicion.

Before hockey, Manny Fernandez was a professional wrestler. He was known as The Raging Bull, was 90 pounds heavier, and wore a mustache as a disguise. He wrestled back before the explosion of WWF/WWE when there were dozens of organizations across the country. But wrestlers like him helped put the "sport" on the map.

Here he is trying to cut off the head of another wrestler with his knees, but they aren't sharp enough to do the job. But look at all the blood, he was close. And remember, Highlanders get more power when they cut off people's heads.

Before wrestling, Manny Fernandez, under the pseudonym Manuel Jose Fernandez, was a football player. He played nose tackle for the Dolphins back in the 70s. He won a pair of Super Bowls with Miami, and was a member of that 1972 team. Now doesn't he look eerily similar to the Manny Fernandez in the wrestling clip?

Image:MannyFernandezdolphins.jpg

Why does he look the same? Because he's the same guy! He lost a few pounds to wrestle, then lost some more to play hockey. He trimmed the mustache then got rid of it completely for the NHL (a mustache in a goalie's mask would get very irritating).

Before getting into sports, Manny Fernandez was a military man. Going under the name Manuel J. Fernandez, he was a fighter pilot in the Korean War. He was credited with 14.5 kills, making him the 3rd leading Ace amongst American pilots. He also served as an instructor during WWII, and as a fighter escort during the Berlin Airlift. Notice how he's just starting to grow the mustache?

Image:Mannyfernandezpilot.jpg

Before fighting for the US in Korea, he fought against the US in Cuba during the Spanish-American War. Then he was known as General Manuel Fernandez Silvestre. After withdrawing from Cuba with the rest of the Spaniards, he fought in Morocco. After the Disaster of Annual, it's believed he shot himself in the head. HOWEVER, nobody ever found his body, or saw him die. How come? Because he didn't die, he just changed his identity and shaved that ridiculous mustache.

Image:Mannyfernandezgeneral.jpg

Before fighting for the Spanish, he fought against the Spanish. Manny Fernandez has no loyalties but to himself. Back in the 1810s, he fought in the Mexican War of Independence. He eventually rose to the rank of Major General in Santa Anna's Mexican Army. Then his name was Manuel Fernández Castrillón. He fought the Texans at the Alamo, but to his credit pleaded for several prisoners to be spared. Later, his death was staged as Texas's inevitable victory in the war became apparent.

Manny Fernandez has lead many lives in his never-ending lifetime. He was a soccer player in 1940s Spain with the name Manuel Fernández Fernández, and the nickname Pahiño. As Manuel Fernández Juncos he founded the Puerto Rican Red Cross, and wrote the lyrics to Puerto Rico's national anthem.

It's impossible to really know when Manny Fernandez was born. We know he's at least 230 years old, but he could be 500, 1,000, or 2,000 years old. What matters is that he's immortal (unless he gets his head chopped off) and he's extremely powerful. With him, the Boston Bruins have an excellent chance at winning The Prize, a.k.a. the Stanley Cup.

Enable Comment Auto-Refresher
RawbeezeitzMajor Leaguer
212 days ago
Score 0+-
OK, why aren't the YouTube clips not showing up?
Permalink | Reply
BigPPupMajor Leaguer
212 days ago
Score 2+-
Youtube hates you... It's okay because AGM still loves you.
Permalink
RawbeezeitzMajor Leaguer
212 days ago
Score 2+-
Awwwwwww
Permalink
BigPPupMajor Leaguer
212 days ago
Score 0+-
This is just great. There's really no other way to put it.
Permalink | Reply
RawbeezeitzMajor Leaguer
212 days ago
Score 1+-
It's better with the videos, which don't work for some reason. If anyone could help with that, I'd appreciate it.
Permalink
Smmonroe2Varsity Captain
212 days ago
Score 0+-
good read, how long is manny in boston though? The way him and timmy t are playing I would keep them both, but you just don't see duos in the NHL anymore.
Permalink | Reply
RawbeezeitzMajor Leaguer
212 days ago
Score 0+-
Manny and Timmy are both unrestricted free agents at the end of the season.
Permalink
Smmonroe2Varsity Captain
212 days ago
Score 0+-
i need to sign in, i really dont think manny or timmy come back, the bruins like rask
Permalink
RawbeezeitzMajor Leaguer
212 days ago
Score 0+-
If they don't bring back Thomas, I'm gonna be livid.
Permalink
CheezerMajor Leaguer
212 days ago
Score 4+-
Videos Fixed
Permalink | Reply
RawbeezeitzMajor Leaguer
212 days ago
Score 1+-
Thanks Cheezer!!!


++++++++++++++++
Permalink
Anonymous Fanatic #1
212 days ago
Score 1+-
something tells me neither one will be back, they really like rask
Permalink | Reply
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Categories: Opinions | Opinions by User Rawbeezeitz | December 3, 2008 | December 2008 | NHL Opinions | Boston Bruins Opinions | Miami Dolphins Opinions

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