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Go West Old Man…Again!
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Now with Shaq in the Valley of the Sun, what happens to all those fat ass kids in South Florida? Clearly the "big-boned" population, (ages 10-14) in Phoenix are pissing all over themselves, but McDonalds Monsters of Miami are still munching their hearts out! Stay tuned for Shaq’s Big Kids Challenge: Valley of the Sun style to hit the ABC airwaves this summer…In the mean time, I’m guessing his sole priority is to deliver that elusive championship that Charles Barkley’s fat ass couldn’t do for the Suns. What’s up with this organization turning to fat ass basketball players in hopes of it paying dividends?
Phoenix’s accusation of the Big Broken Down Diesel is good in theory…For they see their "run window" closing in about two years, so picking up the last two remaining years on the run down, over the hill, big fella makes sense in that aspect. However, just one question…When was the last time anybody saw Shaq run? On the basketball court or even in his damn "Big Challenge"? That’s like telling an 85-year old wino in a nursing home to quit his whining and to wipe his own ass after he shits himself! It ain’t going to happen! Shaq’s wheels will fall off before April, that’s if he remains healthy! Speaking of health, does somebody want to explain to me how the hell he can pass a physical? I’m all ears! Last I knew, this cat was hurt…So how the hell does that work? Oh well, that’s a whole other basketball of balls.
Back to Shaq’s running ability, (or should I say, lack there of) now that he’s property of the Suns are they just going to go from an up and down team…Looking to jack up shots before the shot clock reaches 16, to all of a sudden a half court boring ass team? It takes the big fat ass at least 8 seconds to run the floor…Then, not to mention he has to get into position. Or is he just going to cherry pick at the defensive end while Nash & Company, (the newest law firm to hit the Phoenix area) play four on five? That might work, but Shaq’s going to do nothing but hinder that offense! Hell, the Suns might want to invest in some damn good oxygen tanks…I got a feeling he’d be a better oxygen tester than fitting into an offensive that totally doesn’t fit him!
True, Shaq is a hell of a passer, but last time I checked so is Steve Nash too! Look, we all know what Shaq needs to be effective…And that’s the ball! Anybody seeing a contrast of styles here yet? Okay, so lets get the old man the ball so other teams can foul the shit out of him…And by the time he’s done at the free throw line he would’ve built a custom home for somebody…Making ABC’s Home Makeover look like a thing of the past!
And past is exactly what Shaq’s living on right now…Sure, he brought Miami a championship, although with the help of David Stern. So are the Suns banking on that combo to come through for them in one of the next two seasons? Sure, the Suns had to acquire somebody to show its players that they were all on board for an NBA Title run, but Shaq? Normally I always thought teams acquire players to fit within them…Perhaps it’s time for me to go to an eye doctor to get my eyes checked…Because I’m not seeing it! The one thing I am seeing is the fact that could there be anymore of an odd couple than this? Although they do say opposites do attract…Only time will tell! And time is slipping away from both parties! Holy shit, so that’s what they have in common…Time is running through the hour glass faster than one of "Shaq’s Big Challenge" kids running that mile! And just like when Shaq was encouraging those "Fire Plug with Legs" to run, well isn’t ironic how the tables have turned? "Run big fella run!" will be echoing all throughout the valley of the sun!
What will the results be? To be continued…
