Friday Fryer (February 15, 2008)

I wish Congress would finetooth comb the movie biz so I could go to a movie theatre with my family and not need a co-signer to finance it.

Congress meets fairly regularly but most Sports Fans would never know. Alas, it is an election year - "FACE-TIME EVERYONE!!! Take your places!! Chop! Chop!"

Now we are innundated with committees, investigations and probes. That's great!

Here's a solution - Why don't we shove all the steroid users, secret video tape destroyers and perjerers of Sport in a room with the wonderful people who destroyed the mortgage and housing industries (making billions of dollars all the while) and every other numbnutted special interest group and lock them in there until we can find a way for our politicians to figure out how to make these Congressional probes more effective.

Let's not only cut the red tape, let's destroy the red tape machine!

Maybe the members Congress should spend a whole week kissing each other's asses and getting their "my esteemed colleague"-ing of each other out of the way so when these meetings come up they can do their business instead!

I don't care about niceties - JUST GET THE ANSWERS and get back to the issues your constituents REALLY want resolved - things that AFFECT our lives - war, the budget, education, health care - you know... all the shit you SAID you were going to (pardon the term) "tackle" when you were ELECTED!@!!

The opposite of Con is Pro. What's the opposite of Congress?

Into the Fryer you go! (and I just might "accidentally" forget to take you out)

Who am I to say they shouldn't? But can we WAIT until we know the whole deal before we can call it "done"? We're still jumping on every rumor like it's news and it's starting to get out of hand.

I wanted to fry Devean George and/or Jerry Stackhouse on principle. But they'll get theirs one way or another. Honestly, they were just doing what they felt they had to do.

George has basically screwed his hopes of an extension or sign and trade at the end of the season. The Mavs won't be doing him any favors. Stackhouse should have just known better, he's been around the block. But it's not their fault. This "deal" should have never been disseminated until it was completed.

It's this kind of stuff (getting your name mentioned over and over in rumors - see: Shawn Marion) that make players pouty, whiny and petulant. "It's a business" is the standard response, "Eff them, eff all of you" is the quiet sentiment. Teams should handle their business better, journalists need to grow a set of ethics and we ALL need to chill on our desparation for the next great news break. It will happen when it happens or it won't with or without our percieved involvement.

And for the love of God, Mark Cuban is not the Mavericks' General Manager. He might order and/or approve these deals but he is not making them, so can we stop talking about him like he is anything more than an owner??? He's a rich geek, not a genius basketball mind.

And as a Suns fan, I want this Kidd deal to happen! So until it's for real, stop teasing me dammit!!!

After you're done frying, you're getting Suns-dried! MMMM.... yummers! (I'm gonna go let a donkey kick me in the junk for quoting Rachel Ray now...)

• Honorable Mentions to Chad Johnson, Donovan McNabb, Marvin Harrison, Jeremy Shockey and every other NFL player we're talking about in February when we know damn well none of them will get moved until the draft.

The Flyers have lost five straight and are sinking their playoff hopes.

The Sixers have won five straight and are sinking their lottery hopes.

At least the Eagles and Phillies are undefeated this month. 'Nuff said.

The Fryer just plain burns hotter with Philly involved.

I mean. Really? Are you obsessive compulsive or something? You aren't helping yourself and you're only hurting the kids you already (probably) cheated to get.

There's no way Kelvin Sampson will coach a major NCAA basketball program in the next ten to twenty years or so after this mess gets unravelled. Have fun as an assistant in the NBA - where you will over your head...

Now I'm not saying the NCAA has it's ducks in a row and eventually the time will come to loosen the strangle on student-athletes' lives (just let them get a piece of the revenue they generate already) and coaches abilities to recruit players. But rules are rules are rules. You know them well, Kelvin - you broke them in marvelous fashion once before (accident? Pfft...) and you even have language in your contract that REMINDS you not to cause violations.

But to go and do it again and drag a second program into the muck is downright stupid and/or evil.

People are going to have to learn soon that winning ISN'T everything! A cosmic shift is upon us and the movement is helping people who lose with dignity more than cheaters who win at all costs.

These greedy cheaters are trying to strangle the geese that lays the golden eggs (their respective sports) instead of patiently collecting their millions and millions steadily, year after year... must be a horrible life!

I think we need to change the oil after this batch!

There! We made it! Dr Commento signing off. For Christof and the Friday Fryer... keep your cool or you might get fried too!

peace and good tidings (oh, yeah..)

Until next Friday, AMF. }