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Dad Buys Son a Mike’s Hard Lemonade at Tigers Game…Awesome!
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Imagine this if you will…Pops takes his young ankle bitter to a baseball game. I guess it’s not really hard to imagine because for some reason this is part of being a father when good ole Willy produces a boy. Even so, when good ole Willy becomes Silly Willy and shoots out a girl, dads still takes the little princess to games. I suppose it’s in the fatherhood criteria. This story’s no different with me and my pops…Although I’m so thankful he never took me to a damn baseball game! I can’t sit through that shit now, much less back then! For me it was always Notre Dame football games, (when they actually mattered and could really play football) and Chicago Bulls games, (when Doug Collins was rockin the curls) yeah, long time ago! The theme was just to have fun…And it was disappointing when the game was over and had to go home. Not because I didn’t want to, simply because my great day of fun had ended.
One thing though, (and I’m guessing I’m not alone here) my pops & I always returned home safely. I mean, it wasn’t anything like this Ann Arbor couple's 7-year-old son who actually ended up in foster care over a Detroit Tigers baseball game. Gees, I knew the Tigers were bad, but having DCF at Comerica Park…Yowzers! So what’s all the hubbub about?
Christopher Ratte, 47, a professor at University of Michigan, (keep this in mind, and oh yeah…GO BLUE!) claims he accidentally gave his son, Leo, some of the alcoholic beverage at Comerica Park a few weeks ago. He said he didn't even know the alcoholic lemonade existed. The alcoholic beverage that Dumbass Dad is referring to was none other than a good old Mike's Hard Lemonade. And you’re a professor…Nice! Real nice! Thanks to Chris this actually proves a couple theories to be correct. Seeing as he’s a professor, I’m guessing he’s "book smart". I hope so, because he just showed everybody he’s street stupid. And the second theory is that I keep making references about Cavemen still roaming the earth…It’s safe to say Chris is straight from the Geico gene pool! I mean really…Who the hell in their right mind doesn’t know about Mike’s Hard Lemonade? Especially when you work on a college campus! Never seen those television spots either advertising Mike’s? For a cat who I’m guessing doesn’t like "the dog ate my homework" excuses, um this sure sounds like one.
"I got a beer for myself and asked Leo if he wanted a lemonade because there is a sign that said, 'Mike's Lemonade,'" said Ratte. He said he bought his son the drink at the beginning of the Tigers game and it wasn't until the ninth inning when a security guard noticed the bottle in Leo's hand. Awesome! Way to employ top notch security there, Tigers! What’s the matter? You broke the bank in free agency and, well, whinos living under bridges come dirt cheap? And David Stern thought he had problems with the Detroit Pistons security staff…No Dave, I’d say it’s lacking city wide. Didn’t notice it until the ninth inning? I mean, I’ve never been to a Tigers game before, but I’m betting it’s not that exciting…I’m also betting that observing an ankle bitter who’s in the process of getting blitzed making out on a Mike’s Hard Lemonade isn’t really that difficult to spot…That’s just a guess!
However, never fear, once the security guard sniffed some smelling salt, coming to his senses, he asked Ratte if he knew it contained alcohol. He said he didn't and when he went to grab the bottle out of the child's hand, the security guard grabbed it first. "It's just the simple fact that I didn’t know this brand and didn’t suspect some of the lemonade sold in ballparks are alcoholic." Again, let me reiterate…You work on a college campus, and it’s not just some college campus like Waffle House University, it’s Michigan! Next I guess you’ll say you had no idea Lloyd Carr doesn’t coach the football team anymore!
The security guard said the boy drank about 12 ounces of the hard lemonade, which is about 5 percent alcohol. The child said he was feeling a little nauseated, but showed no other symptoms of being intoxicated…Damn, ankle bitter downed it like a true champ! One question I have…Was he in fact nausea from the 12 ounces that he slurped down or was it in fact that he was watching the Tigers? Do we know for sure?
The down side to this was our Kiddie Lemonade Lover had to remain in foster care for two days before his mother, a U-M architecture professor, was able to take their son home as long as the father relocated to a hotel. Now I don’t know what’s worse…Having to answer to Child Protective Services? Having to answer to wifey after he was allowed back into the house? Or simply being recognized as I’m doing here as a complete shit for brains! That’s a tough call! Though in Dumbass Dad’s defense I will say that as an ankle bitter myself I was allowed to make out with Old Style/Miller Lite on occasion…Though it wasn’t a whole 12 ouncer, more like 3-4. And when the next piss came around it was all gone, bye-bye!. And it certainly spelled relief for me too! I’m sure I’m in the majority on this as well!Oh well, just goes to show…Another day at the old ballpark!
