Break into Noah Herron’s Pad and Get a Bedpost to the Grill

Rule of thumb is, nobody sits home on a Friday night…Hell no, after a week with all the employees we oh so love very much, (on the love level of having a colonoscopy) we want to let loose and make out with our favorite bottle, which includes the likes of Captain, Jack, and perhaps if you’re in the Kellan Winslow Jr. category of being "a soldier" Patron. Nonetheless, whoever you chose to wrap your lips around and enjoy tasting all the while burning the shit out of ones chest, everybody gets a glow about them and starts to become very brave…God, I love that state of being! It’s like being in the zone…Feeling you can say and do anything without any repercussions! OOPS…On second thought, there might be one small minor repercussion. Don’t expect to invade the home of Green Bay Packers running back Noah Herron and get away with it.

Now I don’t know if dude was drunk after a Friday night out and was feeling his wild oats…However, one thing I do know is Herron’s fine. The intruder dude, well, he’s not. Why am I suddenly hearing Tom Petty singing "Don’t Come Around Here No More?" The Green Bay Press Gazette reports that Herron called police Friday night and reported that he heard glass breaking in the lower level of his home and that an unknown number of people had entered. Looking for a way to protect himself, Herron went straight into the "protect home from invasion" offense and ran it flawlessly by unscrewing a post from his bed. When an intruder got to Herron's bedroom before the police got there, Herron played a little "swing batter, batter" with him with the bedpost…Who needs a Louisville Slugger when you have a detachable bedpost just lying on the nightstand? There’s nothing like taking a bedpost to somebody’s grill! Of course, I joke…But after the tragedy that struck Sean Taylor last fall, we whole-heartedly understand the concern that Herron was facing.

Of course now this all means that intruder dude will be pressing some kind of "my dog ate my homework" charges against Noah Herron in the amount of a cool $2.4 million for 'emotional trauma' after brutal assault…Once getting out of the hospital after getting jacked up by a bedpost. Likely to sue Ethan Allen for making a bedpost that can unscrew and become a Louisville Slugger in a matter of seconds to causing his appearance to be altered in a way one can only imagine. Oh yes, rest assure all this is coming…Never mind the fact that Noah Herron’s human piñata has been involved in about 20 burglaries in the area with his sidekick who didn’t have the luxury of taking a bedpost to the cakehole. I can see the plea now…Was brainwashed by my friend Jack Daniels! Jack had complete control of my body…I told him to stop whispering in my ear, but he wasn’t having any of it! Yeah, I can see that plea coming to a Wisconsin courtroom sometime in the near future! Thus getting off on some community service bull shit!

In reality it’s too bad that I’m not joking! Dude will cut a deal, get off on some loop hole. And where just last fall we had almost this same exact situation arise with Sean Taylor…Though the outcome was far from comical as it was in this instance! Kudos to Noah for thinking fast and acting fast to protect himself and his home…Something every one of us would’ve done. And let that be a lesson to all of us: A bed post is a good way to get out of a dangerous situation. And to the all wannabe burglars out there…Next time you cats what to jack up an NFLer’s pad, case the joint first…Check to see there’s no detachable bed posts the owner can use!

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