Are You All Jacked Up Yet….?

Well, you should be as it looks like we finally made it yet again through another year of sports hibernation without the pigskins flying around. At last, and it has been a long time coming as tomorrow we can all rejoice and throw our hands in the air, and wave them around like we just don’t care, (I know, that was really gay, but I swear, I’m not) as the college football season officially kicks off in just over 24 hours. WooHoo…I feel like Martin Luther King Jr. when he said he had a dream…Yeah, I feel ya MLK! I’ll be dreaming about pigskins tonight boy!

See, the norm is that Christmas comes on December 25…No, no. In the words of crazy ass old man Lee Corso, "Not so fast my friend" Christmas comes four months early! Now true, jolly old St. Nick won’t be appearing, but hey does he really anyway? Who needs some fat ass neighbor dressing up in a Santa suit and supposedly going to slide down chimneys. Here’s a thought, what happens if your pad doesn’t have a chimney? Then what? Oops, never thought of that. What happens if you live in a high rise condo such as I do? What, will Santa do with that, huh?

Anyway, getting back to the original topic the 2008 college football season gets underway tomorrow…And we’re all pissing in our pants, can’t hold back the excitement anymore. It’s almost on the same level of stripping down to ones birthday suit on the verge of doing a 30-45 minute bed workout with a blonde hair goddess, (or brunette…whatever floats your boat) dubbed Leslie. Now no disrespect to this 36-24-36 lovely creature, but she can’t even compete with a Wilson AFCA 1005 Pigskin with all those curves…Especially when it decides to fly!

Sure, she may get the mojo and blood flowing faster than an out of control, overflowing river due to Tropical Storm Fay, (please see the St. Johns River in Florida), but next to the Wilson 1005 beauty, well, she might as well be in the annual Betty Buttaface Beauty Pageant!

Now, if you don’t have a Leslie around, well that’s probably a good thing, because after tomorrow when the football season starts for real all that she’d be doing is nagging and bitching at you…Who needs that shit! Hence why I’m still a 30-year old bachelor! Nonetheless, we all need to get our blood pumping like a volcano somehow, right? Exactly! That’s why I’ve taken it upon myself to go where no pole hugger can go…And reach all the fellas out there as only I can! By bringing slobberknockers to the forefront!

Aw yes, slobberknockers along with 12-ounce beverages…Sit back and enjoy! No ball and chain will ever understand! Roll it….

And if that didn’t do anything for you, well this comeswith a warning label…No Viagra

If you laughed uncontrollable after that one, it’s okay…You’re only human. In the name of John Cougar Menstrualcramp…Hurts so good! And why do I have an instant headache?

Sorry Leslie, I have some bad news…There’s no way in hell you can get the juices flowing like that! Now for some odd reason I have the urge to go break some shit…Or perhaps I’ll just run straight into a concrete wall!!

At long last…College football is here!! And oh yeah Leslie, not to worry sweetie, I’ll be back in January after the BCS sticks a corncob up my ass!! Until then…

Who’s your preseason Heisman Trophy Candidate? Tebow, Daniels, White, Wells, Crabtree? Vote now at LastRowSports.com in the latest Pick’em Poll!

Collegefootballfan1Tee-Baller

443 days ago

Score 1

I think it will be intersting to see if Tebow can hold off the competition and make another sweep of the top awards for his position (Heisman, O'Brien) or will a Daniels or Stafford step in and take one; possibly both?

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LastRowAll-American

443 days ago

Score 0

Realisticly he had a Tom Brady-like year in college football. His production is bond to drop off somewhat. Should be interesting...I think Daniels in the system that he plays in and lesser of a conference than the SEC will make big noise this season

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1MountaineerWaterboy

443 days ago

Score 1

Well Tebow Better be watching his stats this year alot of offensive backs going to be putting up numbers also... Along with Pat White. Rumor is hes going to air it out more than usual this year. If he can cleanly air it out like he did a lil last year but on more downs and not rely on his legs as much and make a 12 game appearance without the injuries then I believe Tebow will be glad he had last year.

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