April Showers Fill the Month with Sports Mayhem …Which Playoffs Will you be Watching?

Here we are, the second week of April and the sports scene is blowing up like the papparazzi’s cameras trying to catch a glimpse of Eli Manning’s wedding towards the end of this month to bride to be, Abby McGrew, (to be easily confused with Phil McGraw). Go Eli! Mums the word on this as the father of the bride released this following statement… "It's toward the end of April. It's private." Now I’m sure Abby’s daddy, (haha, that rhymes, yeah Jay-Z, where you at partner) is a hell of a nice guy, but dude, if you want shit "private" don’t bump your gums together and release that statement from your cake hole! That’s along the same lines of Rafael Palmeiro wagging his finger at Congress…And besides, now with Jay-Z with the handcuff on his finger Eli’s surpassed Jessie Palmer as New York’s eligible bachelor!

Congrats to Eli, but enough about the wedding…It’s just another thing going on this month. Why tomorrow, (April 8, for all the dumbasses who don’t know the date) we celebrate another anniversary of the All-Time Homerun Champ….See, Hamerin Hank did it with class, not with the Cream and the Clear. Certainly not to make his body out to become a human pin cushion either! His goal was to be the best player he could be, instead of turning himself into the black version of the Incredible Hulk! So that’s tomorrow, but seeing this is the first time that this date has come around with, (on paper) Hank not being the "recognized" leader, (and I use that term loosely, so loosely in fact the females on the corner of Stroke & Suck are jealous) one has to wonder how this date will be perceived. Perhaps Howie Schwab might know? Or did I just STUMP him?

So that’s going on tomorrow along with the Women’s National Championship which honestly I must say I’m pissed off about…I wanted to see a Basketball Death Match between Summit & Geno! Damn you Geno…Damn you Title IX! Oh well, I guess. More than that, April is the month where peeps have good reasons to tune into the NBA and NHL, (well, that’s if one can find it). It’s playoff time for both leagues…And surprisingly enough, we’re hearing about all the hype surrounding the NHL Playoffs thanks to Mario & Luigi. I mean Sid the Kid & Alex the Great! Okay, besides that though, what else do we know about anything in the NHL? I do know those "new scientific jerseys" that the league went to this year, well they just have to go! They’re so unfashionable! Let me ask you this…Would you be caught out and about sporting one? Personally I’m a CCM/KOHO guy myself…Thank god for eBay!

Although seriously now putting the NHL jokes aside, (well at least for a second) is it just me, or is there something about NHL Playoff Hockey that gets other peeps all hot and bothered? See, unlike the NBA playoffs where it’s usually predictable almost like a script from Wrestlemania, (of course giving ticket holders an up close look & experience of what living in Iraq is all about by turning the Citrus Bowl into some kind of bombing range), wasn’t in the script, but you get my point! Although perhaps this year will be different…Oddly enough it already has in the Western Conference. No predictability going on in the west. Ironically it resembles the "Jared Diet," in that there’s so many viable options to choose from. Now the east on the other hand, well, that’s getting back to predictability…It’s like a big-boned fatass waddling into the Golden Arches. Spending $24.95 on food for him/herself, (can I get a WHOA!) and then washing it all down with three diet cokes. Can we just have the Pistons get it on with the Celtics, PLEASE!

Point is, these two leagues will be in the forefront of the sporting world until mid-June…Sorry baseball, but there’s a reason why you’re dubbed the boys of summer. Simply put, that’s all we have to choose from, (although I’ll admit since entering this NASCAR Fantasy League for the first time, I’d prefer DW over "Rocket Fuel"! So NBA or NHL? Which playoffs will you be watching? That’s the question? Look, lets not kid ourselves here, we all know, whether we want to admit it or not…There’s nothing like playoff hockey. Holy Shit, did I just say that? Yeah, that’s right, I’m man enough to say it! Trouble is, whether or not your boob tube can find the games. There’s nothing like seeing hockey players try their best to do their Michael J. Fox Wearwolf impersonation over the next coming months. How awesome would it be to see Mario or Luigi get in on that act?

That’s precisely what the hell I’m referring to the whole unpredictable/predictable thought here. Believe it or not, the NHL gives us that unpredictability that we as sports fans love! If we actually think about it, more times than not the NBA is like that "Career Ending Match" the WWE put on at Wrestlemania recently involving The Nature Boy. Like we didn’t know what was going to happen…Sure, if you’re an ankle bitter.

Simply put…How do your like you playoffs? Scripted…Ordering $24.95 worth of food at Mickey D’s? Or are you on board the Jared Bandwagon? To each their own! Couple things I know, Eli Manning getting handcuffed later this month…Now that’s, that’s totality unpredictable! And whether it’s the NHL Playoffs or the NBA Playoffs…One thing that we all can agree on watching is this following clip lasting 2:24…(Please disregard the porno-like background tunes).

Vote In LastRowSports.com new Pick’em Poll which tries to do its part by promoting Title IX for Women’s athletics. While watching women’s basketball might just be more agonizing than scraping your fingernails on a damn chalkboard, voting in this poll will be more enjoyable thanks to Pat & Geno, they’ve gone Emeril on us and "Kicked It Up a Couple of Notches"! And for that we love them! So who ya got in the "Basketball Death Match"? In the words of Mills Lane, "Let’s Get it On!"