Apparent Time Travel Interferes With Mariotti's Column
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Lose today to Donovan McNabb and the Eagles, and the Bears officially become the league's biggest busts. Ogunleye makes a recovery sound easy with his punching analogy, but that sounds like more idle chatter after the 361 all-purpose yards of Adrian Peterson, the first-half romps of the Packers and the 34 fourth-quarter points scored by the Lions. - Jay Mariotti
I was confused attempting to make any sense out of Mariotti's column from the Chicago Sun-Times.com this morning.
But there it was in a clear print and my heart skipped a beat.
"Lose today," I read in panic. Huh? Its Saturday. The Bears are playing the Eagles this afternoon? I have to attend this family function today and despite an inauspicious 2-4 record, I cannot miss a Bears game!
Expeditiously, I ventured over to the Chicago Bears website to check the official team schedule and breathed a sigh of relief.
Sunday, October 21 @ Eagles, 3:15 PM.
"Its alright honey, we can pack up the kid and go now!"
Forgive my ignorance Jay. After all, I'm just one of those "weird Internet creatures who monitor your every word" and could not possibly challenge your superior intellect over football game schedules. However, the consequences of misprinting the actual game date are dire in a city that loves its Bears.
And yet, I know full well that Jay would never make such a careless mistake nor open the Pandora's box of obviously false allegations that these columns are precooked, freeze dried and submitted to the Sun-Times for instant microwave heating and graciously served fresh on the back page?
Of course not. And there is a completely logical, simple explanation.
Jay is a time traveler. The jig is up and there is no further reason to hide his special powers. Jay is the real live version of a far more refined, manicured, coiffed Doctor Who.
And today, he already has watched tomorrow's game and consequentially completed Monday's masterpiece. Three days worth of work successfully finished inside of 24 hours. Brilliant.
Thanks Jay for not spoiling the fun for all of us by revealing which team won.
