Annual Drunk Fest Strangely Turns Tragic

by user LastRow

As sports fans we all live and die with our favorite sport’s teams…Some more than others, but that’s how it works. Why? Cause that’s just the way it is…Some things aren’t just explainable! Just like why do strippers strip? Besides giving us rouses and taking our money. Looking at this, I think I just discovered something…There’s no real difference between strippers and sports, both are out for the money, while looking to give us entertainment. Both kill us in one facet or another…Pole Huggers slay the wallet, however watching one’s beloved team loose, sometimes we feel like we’re knocking on death’s door. In some cases we walk through it.

There’s numerous ways to pass on, however I don’t think anybody has heard of this method. It’s the old adage falling down a flight of stairs at the Tailgate Bar and Grill across the street from the stadium where the Florida-Georgia football game was being played technique. It probably goes without saying that he had to be a Georgia fan…I know, that’s a low blow! Why, that was even cold, yeah but, not as cold as him…Okay, I’ll stop! Very insensitive of me, but what a way to go! I’m sorry, I just never heard of reaching the Pearly White Gates like this. I mean come on, who hasn’t fallen down a flight of stairs in a bar? I’ve even made this move famous in strip clubs…Okay, so I didn’t fall down stairs, but fallen out of your chair onto the floor where you have a rug burn on the entire left side of your face…Yeah that’d be me. Being too piss ass drunk to figure out it’s not dirt on the side of your face when you look in the mirror to wash it off…Problem is, it’s not coming off! Or how about the ever popular passing out in the local Hooters bathroom. If you haven’t done at least one of thes, that means one thing…You’re not drinking enough! Put down the Michelob Ultras and start pounding the Icehouse…It speeds of the process quick. The process of getting drunk, not death…Just wanted to clarify that. I just wonder if more beer consumption could’ve prevented his death? Typical Rednecks…Not knowing what the f*** they’re doing!

All this on the heels of the presidents of the two schools campaigning against the cocktail party nickname following two previous deaths in as many years surrounding this game. Well, I guess there goes that theory. LastRowSports.com has just learned that no matter what sporting events are tagged, if shit’s going to go down, it’s going to go down, period! Regardless of if the game was referred to as "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party" or not Randall Scott Amos was still going to emulate his childhood hero, Andre The Giant and try to consume 117 bottles of beer during the game…Although since he was pounding Ultras, we at LastRowSports.com only estimate he would’ve had to drink 234 bottles of that to equal the level of what Andre did. Now, it turns out he can compare notes with the sixth wonder of the world, (I think he was sixth?).

So what started out as another edition of at "The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party", yet again turns tragic. I’m sure the Tailgate Bar and Grill was looking for some publicity and to get their little hole in the wall name out there to the nation, however I don’t think that this is what they had in mind. How do I know it’s a hole in the wall? I don’t really…I’m just going according to what I saw during my glorious five day stay in the town dubbed J-Ville for the Super Bowl. What a glorious occasion that was…Thanks NFL.

The time has come now to pay the last respects to Mr. Amos before he starts to compare drinking notes with his childhood idol. I just would like to know one thing…Seeing as how Major League Baseball has come out with these team urns & caskets, wouldn’t it be a good notion if the presidents of the two schools put their heads together, (because we all know two heads are better than one) and design a casket or urn (whichever Mr. Amos’s family decides). I think that would be a nice touch. Maybe even collaborate with the Tailgate Bar and Grill, to see if they may want to slap their logo on there as well? What better way to say Rest in Peace to a Die-Hard than this!

In all seriousness though…RIP Randall Scott Amos, a tax collector from Jacksonville!

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