Analyzing ESPN's Analysts
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by user Batb
http://www.boovaandthebeast.blogspot.com
Just like most anyone reading this, I was raised on Sportscenter. I caught the 7am show every morning before school, praying that Keith Olbermann and Dan Patrick or, later on, Kenny Mayne and anyone else would be hosting the show. Over time, ESPN (along with other networks) has expanded and deepened its coverage of the "Big Three" sports to the point that we now essentially have mini-Sportcenters for each (Baseball Tonight, NBA Fastbreak and NFL Countdown to name a few). In recent years we have also seen the network's main "opinion show", The Sports Reporters, pave the way for others such as P.T.I., Around the Horn and Mike and Mike in the Morning.
The increased amount of coverage has also provided us with an increased number of faces we recognize as authorities on their various sports of expertise or, in some cases, on sports in general. These figures have produced mixed results, ranging from good (Buster Olney or Greg Anthony, for example) to bad (Tino Martinez) to unfathomably atrocious (Michael Irvin). For years they have debated a myriad of sports topics, and they are paid to provide their assessments of teams, athletes, etc., while nobody has sat down to assess them. Well, it's time to change that.
What follows is a list of the top and bottom five "ESPN personalities" based on a 1-5 point system spread across various categories. This list is only meant to address "analyst-types", so we'll be dealing with those who have gained credibility by making a career out of either a) playing the game, b) coaching the game or c) writing about the game or sports in general for an extended period of time. The criteria immediately weeds out sideline reporters (so no, Erin Andrews isn't number one), studio hosts and anchors, and career play-by-play guys. Everyone else is fair game.
The Categories: 1) TV/Radio Performance -- This one isn't too hard to explain. Everyone ESPN puts on the air should be somewhat appealing to listen to and should appear comfortable on camera. Insert Tino joke here. 2) Writing -- It's one thing to read cue cards or a teleprompter, but to be able to write about sports efficiently and effectively is a whole different ball game. 3) Intelligence/Eloquence -- Does this person seem like they actually know what they are talking about, or are they just filling up air time? Are they well-spoken? Do they argue their points systematically and logically? 4) Being Objective, yet Opinionated -- Explains itself. 5) "It Factor" -- This includes a few sub-categories: a) Do they have the respect of the athletes they cover? b) Do they come across as charismatic? c) How bad would you want to spend a night at the bar picking their brain?
The Bottom Five (in reverse order, total points in parentheses)
5) Dick Vitale (13) TV/Radio (2) -- Has been the voice of college basketball for so long, but there comes a time when you gotta hang it up. Today's game seems to be starting to pass him by. Writing (2) -- What he is saying loses its luster when it's not being shouted at you. Intelligence (2) -- Let's just leave this one alone. Objectivity (2) -- I've said this before and I will say it again: He is unbelievably biased towards schools where is has made friends over the years. "It" Factor (5) -- Despite the shortcomings, I would still love to pick his brain for an hour or two.
4) The "Around the Horn" Three-Headed Monster of Jay Mariotti, Tim Cowlishaw, and Bill Plaschke (12) TV/Radio (2) -- If PTI were Alec Baldwin, Around the Horn would be his brothers. These three are a big reason why. Writing (4) -- That being said, they made it to ESPN because they are some of the nation's best writers. Intelligence (2) -- Plaschke brings this score down quicker than Ron Pawlus brought down the Irish. Objectivity (2) -- Chicago...Nascar...Everything spewing out of Plaschke's mouth...let's move forward. "It" Factor (2) -- All three are the opposite of charismatic, but Mariotti has had to have had his life threatened by a few athletes, so that would be fun to hear about.
3) Lou Holtz (11) TV/Radio (1) -- Lisp. Writing (3) -- Don't know if he ever has, but he should...it would keep him from talking/spitting everywhere. Intelligence (1) -- Too easy. Objectivity (2) -- Notre Dame. "It" Factor (4) -- Okay, all joking aside he does possess a good deal of charisma in that "Grandpa isn't quite all there" way. As much as I hate Notre Dame, they were at one time a big deal in college football so he scores well on the "beers-and-stories" test.
2) Scoop Jackson (10) TV/Radio (1) -- Have only seen/heard him a few times, but I can't imagine any fan putting much weight on what he has to say based on those performances. Writing (2) -- I am 100% positive that his abstract style appeals to some, but I'm not one of them. Now seems like a good time to mention that he beats the race card to death. Intelligence (3) -- Comes across as extremely bright, but I'm not so sure he always thinks before he speaks...or writes for that matter. Objectivity (2) -- Again, with the race thing. I am completely aware of the fact that we still live in a society where race plays way more of an issue than it should in all areas of life, but not everything has to be black and white. "It" Factor (2) -- I know he talks like lots of NBA players are his boys, but I'd love to hear what the players have to say about that.
1) Skip Bayless (8) Let's break format for this one. First of all, Bayless is actually a very good writer. I have read a lot of his work and have found his pieces to be well thought out and surprisingly persuasive. That fact makes him all the more frustrating and unwatchable on 1st and 10. On the show, he transforms into the type of person we hate -- someone who takes himself too seriously, speaks only to hear himself talk, and gives opinions he doesn't actually believe, knowing that if it's off-the-wall enough he will always have a spot in a debate. Those things combined with the fact that athletes seem to have no respect for him (proven by the numerous occasions I thought Jay Feely was coming over the table to administer an ass-kicking) make him the absolute worst thing ESPN has put on the air since that Pete Rose movie.
Honorable Mention: Todd McKiper, Doug Gottleib, Mark May, Steve Phillips, Jim Rome (TV Version), Bob Ryan
'The Top Five ' 5) John Kruk (19) TV/Radio (4) -- Quickly becoming the kind of color guy that I would watch cover anything. Unbelievably funny because he doesn't try to act like he knows too much. Uses his playing days to explain his points without sounding preachy. Writing (3) -- Tough to judge because he hasn't been around that long, but what I have read has been extremely insightful. Intelligence (2) -- Doesn't come off as overly-bright, and I don't know that I would want to talk politics or religion with him, but that's part of his appeal. Objectivity (5) -- Gives his opinion objectively, and better yet is not afraid to call out athletes if they aren't playing the game the right way. "It" Factor (5) -- He may crack my list of top ten people I'd like to party with.
'4) Bill Walton (20) TV/Radio (4) -- Sometimes a little overbearing, but it's refreshing to hear someone who is not afraid to call out athletes and refs alike (which I am convinced can only be done by people who don't "need" their job...Walton just uses his paycheck from ESPN one dime-bag at a time). Writing (4) -- Only writes when there is something worth writing about and is always on-target. Intelligence (4) -- Makes up for some short-comings with off-the-charts Basketball IQ. Smart enough to relate sports to other walks of life and vice versa. Objectivity (4) -- While he doesn't discriminate much from one team to the next, he makes no bones about the fact that he prefers the olden days of basketball to today...but so do a lot of other people. "It" Factor (4) -- Has charisma in spades, and I'm not condoning drug use but if you happen to enjoy that kind of thing, wouldn't you wanna toke up with Billy? Just once? I thought so. '
3) (Tie) Jay Bilas and Kirk Herbstreit (22) TV/Radio (5) -- These two are so similar in all areas that they can be ranked together. Both are comfortable in the studio or in the booth, and both are very good looking men. Wait, what? Writing (4) -- Both are very capable writers, though they get a touch redundant at times. Intelligence (4) -- Bilas went to Duke, has a law degree and knows the ins-and-outs of college basketball. Herbstreit went to The Ohio State University and knows the ins-and-outs of college basketball. Together they average out to a 4. Objectivity (5) -- I'm positive most would disagree with me, but for these guys to go to two of the most historic schools and their respective sports and keep it about the game when covering their alma maters is very respectable. Neither wavers on their opinions and both back them up well. "It" Factor (4) -- Do a great job of relating to today's players, thanks in large part to their age. Would be a 5 if not for the fact that Bilas went to Duke and that my girlfriend would leave me for Herbstreit in a second.
2) Peter Gammons (23) TV/Radio and Writing (5 each) -- There is really no explanation needed. He is the face of baseball coverage and the greatest baseball writer I have ever read. Intelligence (5) -- Has always come across as well-spoken, extremely bright, and has forgotten more about the game than most will ever learn. Objectivity (3) -- As much as I try to ignore it, there is an obvious Boston bias here, but he gets points for being the person ESPN turns to for perspective on its biggest and most historical stories. "It" Factor (5) -- C'mon, it's Peter Freakin' Gammons.
1) Michael Wilbon (25) We're gonna break format for this one, too. Wilbon gets five's across the board because he, more than anyone else, should be looked at as today's authority on all-things sports. He is funny without being anywhere near offensive. He straddles the line between intelligence and arrogance perfectly. He speaks and writes with conviction without sounding preachy. He also does one other thing that nobody in sports is able to do: he handles race perfectly, never making a non-racial issue racial, but standing up for what he believes is right when it is. Wilbon is what every journalist should strive to be.
Honorable Mention: Greg Anthony, Mike Golic, Andy Katz, Tony Kornheiser, Tim Kurkjian, Buster Olney, Jim Rome (Radio Version), Chris Broussard, John Saunders (despite being Canadian and mainly a studio host, does a great job when given the chance), Pat Forde, Jamele Hill
