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An Exclusive Look at the Official NFL’s Banned Substance List

6
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by user LastRow


On the heels of Shawn Merriman’s supposedly “unknowing” positive steroids test, we learned the reason for it possibly could stem from one of his over the counter supplements that was tampered with. Hey, that’s cool…Whatever makes you sleep better at night, Shawn? I’m just so happy you don’t have an abnormally high testosterone level…Blame it on the supplements. However, all supplements do come with labels…In fact the NFL gives its players a list of banned supplements. So, I’m guessing the University of Maryland isn’t really big into the whole reading concept, now are they? Here’s a thought…How about just pointing the finger at yourself…Accept the fact that you screwed up. In case you’re telling the truth, it’s still your fault for being careless as to what you put into your body.

With that being said, Halloween is just around the corner. While many have their own beliefs on this day…For the ones who choose to take part in this day, well…It's candy that makes you tick! The NFL does take this day seriously, as many of their players participate in it through the country in their respective communities. To help insure safety to its players and the children that will take in this day, the NFL has just released it’s “2006 Banned Candy List”. All the league players have received a copy of the list, but parents please take note…The NFL has given the exclusive rights to LastRowSports.com to make this information to the public. You will find this information nowhere else! We, along with the NFL, want to make the 2006 edition of Halloween enjoyable…And one of, without any regrets.

Halloween candy comes in all shapes and sizes, and yes, there are plenty of sweets that will forever remain top drawer dawgs no matter what else comes out -- things like Twix bars and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups will always be among the elite pack of stomach-busters for kids. However, it has been proven, an abundant amount of Kit-Kat’s, Reese’s, Nestle Crunch, Milky Way, etc. can improve the body’s ability to function & perform unnaturally at high levels and have serious risks in the process. While the NFL releases this annually, they update it yearly in accordance with all the new candy that has come out within the year. For this year, the list includes six new stomach-busters, while still containing numerous of the same old brands & labels. Take a gander at these six new additions for the 2006 list.

New Contenders:

Kellogg's Triple Spooky Berry Twistables
Spooky Shapes Tootsie Pops
Hubba Bubba Mummy Tape
Mini Oreo Cookie Bags
Nestle Grave Bandit
Pumpkin Patch Orange Pop Rocks

Old Faces:

The Chocolate...This group includes: Nestle Crunch, Butterfinger, Baby Ruth, Almond Joy, M&M's (ANY & ALL), Snickers, Reese's, Kit Kat, Hershey's Kisses (Hershey Hugs are FINE), Hershey's Milk Chocolate, Hershey's Special Dark, Krackel, Mr. Goodbar, Creepy Peepers, which are milk chocolate eyeballs filled with caramel goo.


The "Fruit"- and "Vegetable"-Based. Included in this group are: Twizzlers, Jolly Ranchers, Life Savers, Pumpkin Peeps.

The Sweet and the Tart. This group consists of the eponymous SweeTarts and also Starbursts.


Any consumption of the candies listed above throughout Halloween and the days beyond might result in the following symptoms and could result in more serious consequences.

1. Inhibition of Natural Hormones 2. Effects and Liver Damage 3. Effects on Cholesterol 4. Gynocomastia (Development of breast tissue in males) 5. Acne and Anabolic Steroids 6. Roid Rage 7. Baldness 8. Cardiovascular Problems 9. Virilization 10. Stunted Growth 11. Prostate Enlargement 12. High Blood Pressure 13. Kidney Problems 14. Sterility in Males and Females

Please review it for your child’s sake…Do them the favor of checking every candy wrapper he or she brings home to see if there's anything that would make them have a positive steroids test. Along with the NFL, LastRowSports.com hope this list can prevent any unclearity surrounding any questions as to what kind of candy is legal & illegal for one to consumer. With this list being made public, nobody out there can say we didn’t warn anybody as to what kind of candy to inhale! This give a whole new meaning to the phrase “Trick or Treat!”

Vote on the "Better Pigskin Gag Fest?” in LastRowSports.com Pick'em vote! Do your part in this sports society!

Enable Comment Auto-Refresher
Manny StilesMajor Leaguer
1133 days ago
Score 1+-
+Norm! You have Reese's on there... is that PB cups? Pieces? the Reese's PB candy bar??? or the Puffs cereal?? Aw, damn... I hope it's not all of them!!! Wait... are we trying to pass drug tests here or just steroid tests?? Awww, I'm screwed either way! DAAAAMN YOUUUU N-F-L!!!
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LastRowAll-American
1133 days ago
Score 1+-
That would be Cups, not Pieces. The Puffs cereal good, just don't add milk. Candy Bar is unclear...Go Figure.
Permalink | Reply
Manny StilesMajor Leaguer
1133 days ago
Score 1+-
thanks... gotta be careful what you reach for when you have the munchies!
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This page was last modified 09:34, 25 October 2006. Content is available under the GFDL.

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