An ESPY Style Rerun on Sunday Night…No Thanks! I’ll Make it a Blockbuster Night!
| 5
|
by LastRow
Watching reruns can be such a drag…There’s just no fun in it. It’s about as fun as watching Michelle Wie trying to hack her way through a round of golf. You know what’s coming…Once making the turn to the back nine you know she’s going to retire due to her "wrist bothering her" that rivals a golf score which my grandfather Zeke puts up in the same amount of holes. All it is, is a matter time. Reruns are just like that, aren’t they? So here’s some good news…This Sunday, when ESPN’s televising there’s no need to waste your time watching considering they took place last night. So if you thought the final episode of The Sopranos was a D.O.A….Well, I just say, this might be the perfect opportunity to grab the ball and chain, pop a couple of Viagras, (or the wonder drug that does your body good…Milk, perhaps) and pop in a good ole fashion raunchy porno…And well, make it a Blockbuster night! Because the moment is definitely right!
So yes, the ESPY’s were last night…And I don’t get why they tell us who won, but they want us still to watch. Although ESPN was showing the borefest of what was called the Home Run Derby constantly yesterday…Like anybody’s going to sit through that shit again! Watching paint dry on Monday evening would’ve been more enjoyable and now the ESPY’s…It’s all over the place on this thing they call The Internet. Not just the winners, but also Jimmy Kimmel’s jokes, just like this one… "Bobby Brown just checked back into rehab as a result of that performance," after LeBron James did a song-and-dance routine in glasses and a wig to Bobby Brown's song "My Prerogative" with rewritten lyrics. Or at least something to the facsimile of a joke I suppose. A Bobby Brown joke…How clever! Now why did the chicken cross the road again, Jimmy?
Okay, so the "Red Carpet is always interesting to watch…Never knowing which one of Terrell Owens teammate will feel the wrath of his "Spits & Spats Performance Yearly". It’d be nice to see Tony Romo, AKA Mr. Carrie Underwood, come out from behind the gates of his gated neighborhood…The one he lives in next to Mark McGwire. Will he be alone or will Carrie be on his arm? A word to the wise Carrie, don’t hold his hand…You might slip and fall. Nevertheless on "The Greatest Night in Sports" supposedly, besides the Red Carpet special, it will be no different than watching The Wizard of Oz to see if Dorothy & Toto again find their way back home… Like they always seem to do! However, one of these times that tornado is going to turn into an F5 just like that…Well at least that would make it a little more suspenseful! There’s no suspense, just like releasing the winners and losers from the ESPY’s last night! Or is it Sunday?
Now in case the ball and chain isn’t down for making it a Blockbuster night Jenna Jameson style do yourself a favor first…Find that out before you inhale the wonder drug that works wonders. If not you better call the Rockettes stat or pack your buddies in ice for about four agonizing hours…Trust me, I’m talking from personal experience there! Your grapes will become watermelon…No joke!
Although, if you’re going to watch this rerun…That means your life must be very uninteresting and unsatisfying! And I’m willing to bet you’re a fan of "Who’s Now", aren’t you? Well, whatever makes a fish swim, I guess. This is my warning to you…Stop reading if you don’t want your Sunday night to be ruined! For the peeps who are going to do the whole Blockbuster thingy…Keep reading along.
LaDainian Tomlinson won four trophies at the ESPY Awards, including male athlete of the year for his record-setting season with the San Diego Chargers…Defeated LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers, Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning, Wimbledon champion Roger Federer and Tiger Woods for athlete of the year. Also winning best NFL player…Holy shit, he did? You’re kidding me! I mean the NFL MVP only scored 31 touchdowns and 186 points, both league records, and rushed for 1,875 yards.
James won best NBA player; Federer earned his third straight male tennis player trophy; Manning won championship performance for his Super Bowl triumph; and Woods was chosen best golfer for the third year in a row, his record 18th ESPY. And guess what…"The Bears are who we thought they were, too"!
The Colts were named best team, while Tony Dungy, the first black coach to win a Super Bowl, captured the best coach-manager category. Ho-Hum…Wow, and we felt that the Home Run Derby was boring! Um, I’m thinking of a word that begins with "P" and ends in "ABLE"…Boys and Girls, can you say "PREDICTABLE"! That’s the word of the day or night, whichever…Brought to us by Pee Wee Herman and his Playhouse! Hell, they could’ve at least spiced things up a bit by awarding a new ESPY to "The SEC Crier of the Year"…Which the nominees would include the likes of Les Miles, Tommy Tuberville, and Nick Saban.
Now for folks who’s gotten this far down the page…Looks like you’re going to have one hell of a fun and needless to say very interesting night to say the least! The fun starts Sunday at 9 p.m. EDT…Don’t be late!
