A Super Bowl Story You Haven’t Heard!
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by user LastRow
Well, Well…After spending the past two weeks in an iron lung, "I’m free at last!" Now I know what Dr. Martin Luther King was referring to. My two week hiatus was caused from none other than that beautiful South Florida Super Bowl weather…I’m still trying to figure out what the hell Gloria Estefan was talking about when she said "Welcome to sunny South Florida" during the pregame festivities! Hey Gloria, I got a news flash for you…Just because there was big suns on the field didn’t mean the sun was shining….GOSH, IDIOT! Although perhaps it was just my perspective? One thing I did manage to see was my breath…Oh yeah, along with Noah building his arc! Kudos need to go to the peeps at the Weather Channel for getting that forecast absolutely wrong! They called for a "Chance of Showers"…A chance, huh? What? "A good chance" ticket holders might get flooded? Although, what should be expected from them? Forecasting Florida’s weather, well, every hurricane that slams into the state they get wrong too…Glad to see nothing has changed on that front! Who knew, as I went down to Dolphins Stadium to cheer on my Bears…Well, lets just say, I didn’t expect to see Noah building his arc in the process!
So why am I talking about something that happened two weeks ago? I would’ve liked to do this sooner, but I figured regaining the ability to breathe took precedence…Although that’s just my personal opinion. Some may disagree with that view. Just when you thought you had heard every Super Bowl story imaginable…I got a good one for you! No, it doesn’t have anything to do with Rex Grossman or Peyton Manning, not even Lovie Smith or Tony Dungy…Hell, it doesn’t have shit to do with the Chicago Bears or Indianapolis Colts for that matter. Confused? This story certainly didn’t receive any headlines, but it should have! Allow me to paint this beautiful masterpiece on how the NFL handles themselves!
Like any die-hard fan, I wanted to see my beloved Chicago Bears play in the Super Bowl…I mean it was only a 21-year span, so I did what any fan would do. I hopped on Ebay and bought two tickets, (yes, they were real too). Although before I did so, I took a swing by SuperBowl.com to find out the league’s policy to exchange "Regular Seating" tickets for "Wheelchair" tickets…To see if it was indeed possible. You may be able to carry an oxygen tank up to the LastRow, but a wheelchair…Well, you have a better chance of Rex Grossman becoming a legit NFL quarterback! As strange as that might sound. After reading the following information below, what else was I to do, but buy two tickets, right?
Accessibility for guests with disabilities direct SuperBowl.com
Ticket exchanges
"The NFL will exchange tickets in order to accommodate patrons with disabilities. Non-disabled patrons holding tickets to wheelchair locations or modified aisle seats will be relocated in order to accommodate disabled patrons. If you need a wheelchair location in order to be accommodated, please check your ticket and make sure it is marked "Wheelchair Space for the Disabled." If this language is not on your ticket, you have purchased a conventional seat and the ticket must be exchanged for the proper ticket."
Unfortunately as we all know, things appearing to be easy don’t necessarily turn out that way. Instead of this being like a prostitute working a street corner…It was more along the lines of pulling teeth in the dentist’s chair. Every phone call that was made, I got a different song and a dance. It was like trying to get an act of Congress…You would’ve thought I was trying to declare war on Iraq! Why even one time I got this response…"The game is soldout." No shit, Sherlock…You think! However, did I ask you if the game was soldout? Um, No…I asked you to exchange my tickets because according to the NFL Rules & Regulations you have to! This coming from the same guy that said no accommodations would be made. What’s up Sean O’Connor…How you doing? You still have a job after I got your name…hmm? By you saying that, why isn’t that some kind of discrimination considering the fact that I indeed had a ticket, but unable to reach it? Why, if I listened to your hot air, I wouldn’t have been able to see the game? It’s really not a good to NOT practice what you preach! Can you say potential lawsuit?
After more tap dancing with the league, they mercilessly just happen to stumble upon one extra "Wheelchair Ticket"…Yeah, sure they did and the Cincinnati Bengals don’t have any character issues! So I got my ticket and everything is fine and dandy, right? Not so fast my friend…That’s just the half of it! The bigger and more important issue here is the ticket holders that were sitting in the "Wheelchair Section", who had tickets that had "Wheelchair" labeled on them, were none other than able bodied patrons. Yes, I was the minority in the Wheelchair Section…And funny, I came prepared with my own wheelchair, too. Look, the tickets don’t say "Disabled" on them…They say "Wheelchair"! Just because one is pushing maximum density and the platform shakes every time he walks, ("walks" without any problem) being the key phrase, doesn’t mean he has the right to sit in that section! I give a shit if you waddle like a duck…If you lost some weight, you wouldn’t have the problem, now would you? Or how about this one…Two contestants that were dressed for and certainly could have won The Betty Buttaface Beauty Pageant…Walking back and forth on the platform like they were two Victoria Secret model rejects! How the hell did they get these same tickets? Sporting a Buttaface sorry to say isn’t a disability! See, that’s curable! All that is needed is a brown paper bag! What, was that the first place prize in The Betty Buttaface Beauty Pageant? So why was it then that Sean O’Connor wouldn’t move these two beauties? Isn’t that what he’s required to do as set forth by the "Ticket Exchange" policy? Perhaps he was afraid they couldn’t do stairs? Although, I guarantee they could do them better than me!
We’ve all seen able bodied people in designated wheelchair sections at any given venue and when I called Mr. O’Connor on that, his response…"Well, not at this game!" There’s that whole Cincinnati Bengals thing again! I find it funny considering this fact…There’s only one way to obtain wheelchair tickets. The NFL holds a special lottery for these ticket requests. To have ones name entered in this lottery, in addition to the request "Proof of Disability" needs to be sent to PROVE, (that being the key word here) that one is worthy of these seats! How do I know all this…Well, my ticket request got turned down. However, I’m so glad to see that Billy Fat Ass’s request got accepted…Just too bad last time I checked being fat was a choice, not a disability! Billy, put down the hot dog and get off my platform!
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