A ShootOut German Style

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Now we can all go back to our regular daily activities now that the World Kickball Classic has finally concluded anti-climactically. For the past month we have been forced fed on how this tournament is the greatest & biggest sports spectacular in the world worse than a competitive eating contest. Over this time what have we learned? Nothing really besides it has just reiterated how gay soccer is & why it’s not a game for the American sports fan.

I’ll admit I sat in front of my boob tube and scratched myself numerous times watching these games…I even watched more of this shit than the NBA Finals. What’s up with that? Hey D. Stern, you’re losing your audience to something that comes around every four years…That can’t be good. These lawnboys who play this ridiculous sport have better flopping skills than your overpaid, high priced, players…Who knew this was even possible? Another thing that we didn’t know until this summer, the refs of the NBA spend their summers refereeing soccer matches or should I say futbol…Whatever peeps refer to this gay sport as? Gay, where’s Ozzie Gullien?

Running around on a pitch for 90 plus minutes doesn’t sound like fun to me if you include “stoppage time.” Can somebody please explain the concept behind this ridiculous notion of “stoppage time”…Never really got a clear defined answer on this over the past month. Hey how about this, when somebody is rolling around on the pitch for five minutes acting like they’re going to die, why not just press the button on the stadium clock that says “Stop Clock”? Is there an exact science to figuring out the proper amount of stoppage time….Some kind of unknown formula that the referees must know? So Italy beat France early today on Penalty Kicks to claim the “Golden Trophy”. What the hell is that gay trophy supposed to be anyway? Penalty Kicks? The “Supposedly” greatest sporting event in the world was decided on Penalty Kicks…Yeah that makes sense. While we’re at it let’s just make the Super Bowl decided with a Kansas Tiebreaker, the NBA Finals decided with a free-throw shooting affair, Homerun Derby to decide the World Series, or a putting contest to decide the U.S. Open. I bet Phil Mickelson would’ve played for a putting contest a few weeks back. Let’s imagine this, some poor son of a bitch is supposed to keep a ball out of a goal that measures 8 foot x 24 foot, as the ball is traveling at oh say 65 MPH, at that’s probably too slow. 8 x 24, shit, some people call that their home…Yeah that’s fair.

Oh, but the game has to end sometime. Yeah, tell that to hockey players who play numerous overtime periods in hockey….Sometimes play more than 120 minutes. Deciding something that only comes around every four years, (Thank God) this way is preposterous. Spending two, sometimes even three years attempting to qualify for a Penalty Kick contest seems worthless to me, but to each their own. Although I’d remised without saying I did enjoy seeing Zandane use his head for something other than passing. Now that’s how you use your head! Materazzi, well lets just say he got Knocked the F^&$%#&* Out as his took a headed to the chest. I just hope that doesn’t start a political uproar. Though it was cheap and a dirty tactic, I ain’t never seen a header like the before. Never seen anybody drop so fast, oh wait I take that back…For some reason why does Maurice Clarett comes to mind?

What else did we learn from the World Cup from an American standpoint. Whomever ranked us as the fifth best team in the world was certainly strung out on crack or some sort of narcotics. To think the highlight for our U.S. lads was a 1-1 tie against the Italians. You can’t be serious, we tied them? Hold on, let me finish pissing my pants…Just too bad they needed to help us out with an own goal, but hey, we’ll take it. How smart does that Mr. Lucky Charms character on ESPN look now, picking Italy all the way. Hope you found your Gold at the end of the rainbow. So it’s off to hibernation for all these no name lawnboys for a few years at least…That’s okay, won’t be long until we start hearing from an entirely different bunch of no names. The Summer Olympics aren’t that far off.

Source

LastRowSports.com

Date

Sun 07/09/06, 5:12 pm EST

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Patrickburke1980All-American

1268 days ago

Score 1

why do you feel the need to call soccer 'gay'? If you don't like it, don't write about it.

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Alex HolowczakHall of Famer

1267 days ago

Score 0

Stoppage time is basically time added on for stoppages simply. The referee can't keep messing about with his watch, so someone off the pitch does it for him. After 45 minutes, the assistant holds up a board (i.e. 45-no. of minutes on his watch), resulting in the stoppage time. The ref looks, and adds that to his watch. It's just the way we do it. The trophy is four people holding the world. I think it may be meant to symbolise peace or something like that... After 120 minutes, the players have had ample time to decide the match for themselves. So to avoid them getting really tired, and needing an ending that evening (see the thread about the World Cup Final). America were over-rated in fifth, as I said before the tournament started.The NHL doesn't have it because in Hockey 0-0s are rare. In football, 0-0 is quite frequent. So it is possible that three hours later the game could still be going on. (N.B. International Ice Hockey has a shoot-out). Gees, sometimes I don't think Americans can cope with the concept of a "draw"... For the no names, I guarantee that more people in the world have heard of Zinedine Zidane than Barry Bonds or the New England Patriots, so that's a poor argument. Condoning Zidane's actions is stupid. You blame Materazzi's reaction!? Perhaps someone ought to do the same to you, and see what your reaction is... Well done Patrick for talking sense.

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