A Riddle, Wrapped in a Mystery, Inside an Enigma: Kobe Bryant

Josh Q. Public: You got the booming system but it’s pumping out doo doo. You think it’s chocolate milk but it’s watered down Yoo Hoo.

Public Service Announcement:

Ok, here we go! Before I get into this, just know, I have no love for Kobe. I’m writing this because I was trying to figure out why. Trying to put my finger on it. Wrap my head around it. You know, stuff like that there. Quickly now, who’s the best player in the NBA? You can’t have that discussion without mentioning one Kobe Bean Bryant. Love him or hate him, his name has to be is in that conversation. It has to be. When he is on the floor, chances are, he’s the best guy out there. Usually, by far. Some may go as far as to say one of the best ever. So why no love? Why isn’t anybody feeling Kobe? We are now in the Dwayne Wade/Lebron James era of the NBA. That’s what folks are calling this moment in time. What about Kobe? Huh? Didn’t he lead the league in scoring last year? What about him? It’s not his era too? Didn’t he bust out for 81 last year? Riddle me this Batman, what would happen if Tuesday, Lebron fills it up for 80 against the Hawks? Huh? What then? I’ll tell you what then. Big love. You wanna see love? ESPN love? Gushing love? The media circus to follow would absolutely dwarf what Kobe got. How come? Why can’t Kobe get any of that Lebron love? Why is Kobe Bryant getting Joey Belle love? Eddie Murray love. He was so close. Took Brandy to his senior prom. We loved it. Threepeat baby, threepeat. Top of the world. What happened? Where did Kobe Wan Kenobi go wrong? When did he turn into the Mamba? We want answers. Was it the rape? Surely that’s part of it. Guilty or not, it couldn’t have helped. Was it Shaq? Everybody loves the Big Aristotle. When the Mamba went toe to toe with Shaq Daddy, he couldn’t win. It was like punching Barney in the mouth. Was it the breaking up of the Lakers? LA fans could not have been happy seeing their beloved threepeaters getting dismantled, Jerry Reinsdorf style. People are convinced it was Kobe’s doing, er undoing. Was it the Zen Master? When the coach with the best winning percentage in the playoffs calls you uncoachable, fans tend to take note. Is it the shoes? “Love me or hate me — it’s one or the other. Always has been. Hate my game, my swagger. Hate my hunger. Hate that I’m a veteran, a champion. Hate that. Hate it with all your heart. And hate that I’m loved for the exact same reasons.” When I saw that Nike commercial for the first time, I remember saying to my boy Theo, “What a douche.” Is it his selfishness? Real or perceived, that label is out there. I’ve used it myself more than once in these pages. When he got his 81, he wasn’t applauded. He was a chucker. Whatever he does, this cat comes across as greedy, self-centered summamabitch. I don’t know why I don’t like him. But I don’t. Ok. I just don’t. All I do know is, Kobe Bryant played his first game of the season Friday. He sure looked like the best player in the NBA to me. josh q public

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Manny StilesMajor Leaguer

1103 days ago

Score 1

You did know that "A Riddle, Wrapped in a Mystery, Inside an Enigma" is what Winston Churchill said about Russia in 1939, right?

Of course, "A Riddle, Wrapped in a Mystery, Inside a sweater vest" is what Lisa Simpson said about Nelson Munz...

Kobe is, to wrap it up in one word: fake.

He has no personality. He never had a chance to socialize with kids like himself growing up in Italy. He went to a posh high school in the suburbs of Philly and called himself a "Philly boy". Lower Merion is old money Richie-Rich 'burbs, not blue collar dirt amd sweat streets of Illadelph. That doesn't work in that town.

He uses ALL the same mannerisms as ole' #23. (LeBron learned early on NOT to do that, from MJ himself in 2001) The "rape thing" happened because he had no social skills and blatently sold out Shaq in the questioning (read the police report sometime to see what Kobe's like under REAL "pressure"; he folded like Superman on laundry day). He married a girl who was barely out of high school and 16 when he met her. Behind every great man is a stronger woman. He married a little immature girl (so what if she's hot, he had NO business getting married)

Kobe most of all is a male Virgo. He works hard, but not to achieve. He is obsessed with silencing percieved external pressures. Ummm, that NEVER works.

He thinks he has to be better than MJ. He thinks he has to prove he can win without Shaq. He thinks he has to prove Phil wrong. He has to create a personna to live up to (mamba) as a motivating factor. Hey, Kobe... nicknames work best when you DON'T give them to yourself... Air, Magic, Legend. Of course, those guys got their nicknames by being themselves.

I'm telling you, dude has NO IDEA what he is doing. He is walking around 'asleep'. His awareness has not been born yet. Listen to his interviews. He had no insight, no cognition. He is a walking talking basketball machine. One day he'll wake up and I'll bet he realizes he never really liked basketball that much...

Oh, he'll achieve great things by default of the obsessive effort, but he'll never know satisfaction because what he's chasing isn't really there. He doesn't even know why he's chasing these things other than "he's supposed to". He won't realize what he's been doing this whole time until decades have passed. And it's too bad. He's been pampered, he's been coddled and he's been everything but be allowed to be his own being. So he has no being. Maybe it's his Dad's fault, Joe raised him to be a baller, not to be an individual.

That's why you don't like him. He's not a fault-filled and mortal human (like us) and he's not a cuddly-wuddly cartoon character (like Shaq). He's smack dab in the uncanny valley.

I've tried to like him too... One day he'll soften up, become more human and we will appreciate him, like Ted Williams, Frank Robinson and Jimmy Connors and someday soon, Dan Marino will loosen up too, like Terry Bradshaw did (all these guys are Virgos)

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Manny StilesMajor Leaguer

1103 days ago

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Obviously, I've analyzed Kobe alot... Go Suns!

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BigPPupMajor Leaguer

1103 days ago

Score 1

Wow Manny, Im not sure if I should stand up and applaud you for that analyzing of Kobe or feel sorry for you. Once again the insane genius that is Manny never ceases to amaze me.

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Manny StilesMajor Leaguer

1103 days ago

Score 0

well, it goes a long way back... I was at Temple when Kobe (as a H.S. Junior)would come and play pick up games with Owls (and former Owls) like Eddie Jones, Mark Macon and Aaron McKie...(Rasheed Wallace used to show up too as a H.S.er from Simon Gratz) I never got to run with him, but you could tell he had something different about him (other than his "skillz"). I didn't know Jellybean was his dad at the time, but it explains alot. My buddy in college went to about half of Kobe's games when he was a senior with the Lower Merion Aces. Som I got a good scouting report on him. I still can't believe the Hornets traded him to get 2-pac (a-day) Vlade

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BigPPupMajor Leaguer

1103 days ago

Score 1

Yeah, I know what you mean. My cousin was in school at that time up in Philly so he gave me a pretty decent scoop on the kid when he was coming out. And I have plenty of opinions about him most of which are not positive.

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Anonymous Fanatic #1

1103 days ago

Score 1

i was at gwu when mark macon would come down a single handedly beat our ass

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Josh Q. PublicVarsity

1103 days ago

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that was me macon-gwu

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Manny StilesMajor Leaguer

1103 days ago

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I played baseball at Temple, but had a lot of classes with football and basketball players, plus we shared the same weight rooms. The only reason I played basketball with these dudes was because I'm tall and white and they liked to try to abuse me, 'casue they thought I was a stiff but I pretty athletic and I hold my own (I'm better than you think)

I remember the first time I ran a game with Macon. He was back visiting TU and just out of his rookie year with the Nuggets. He wasn't a superstar, but he was a legit NBA baller, so I was a little starstruck.

the game started and he brought the ball down kinda lackadaisical and then blew right 'tween the guards threw the ball off the backboard, caught it and slammed it like half-sideways reverse... I was like "Damn!"

Then we bring the ball up, he gets the steal, takes it to just inside the half court circle and drains an almost half-court shot like he was flicking a boogie.

Needless to say, we got run something like 15-2. The game was a blur... He was just so fast and pure money. I remember thinking, if this dude is a scrub in the NBA, HOW good are the good players???

Because of playing with Macon, I didn't think Eddie Jones or Aaron McKie were even gonna make the NBA!!! Both had much better careers. It's just different when you look up at older players compared to dudes your own age... (like Ric Brunson)

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BigPPupMajor Leaguer

1103 days ago

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Thats so true Manny I grew up in Charlottesville and playing with the UVA players. Many of them who were older I thought were ballers and the guys coming up behind them wouldnt be able to live up to their hype. For me it was Diop. We are the same age and played against each other in high school. He was big and strong, but not even the best center in the state. When he went pro I thought for sure he would be eaten for lunch by the NBA big men. Low and behold 4 yrs later he is the starting center in the NBA finals.

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Manny StilesMajor Leaguer

1103 days ago

Score 0

In high school, for me it was Donyell Marshall. He dropped 50 on our H.S. team in one half! And didn't play the second half! I thought he was a god. Then a few years later my H.S. went up against Rip hamilton and I thought he was nothing special... go figure!

It's different in baseball, though. There's a BIG difference between the guys who are show-worthy and the guys who are career minor leaguers. I knew the very first time I saw Bobby Higginson swing a bat he was gonna play in the pros, no doubt. He was ok, not an All-Star, but dude was SO much better than anyone else I had ever played with/against. Still he hit 30+ HRs and had 100+ RBIs in a season in the show, something to be said for that (cough, cough performance enhancers, cough cough)

BTW, he is 0-4 off me lifetime!! 2K's, 2 pop outs... (my slider always killed lefties)

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BigPPupMajor Leaguer

1103 days ago

Score 1

Thats very true. Its also very true with football. Ive had the opportunity to play against many players of varying talents from the Vicks, and on down the line. Coming out of highschool I was a good football player. Then I met up against D'Brickashaw at a camp at UVA. We were both seniors, and I knew that he was just on another level. And thats why he was the #2 pick while I am writing about sports.

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Manny StilesMajor Leaguer

1103 days ago

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But you're still having a good season!!! =D

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BigPPupMajor Leaguer

1103 days ago

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Hah Im undefeated baby.

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Josh Q. PublicVarsity