A Punter Gone Mad, Stabs Teammate
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by user LastRow
So we are always ranting on kickers. All these boys do is stand on the sidelines during the games, watching the offense & defense get the shit knocked out of them, while us fans have nothing better to do than to heckle these supposed football players. Hey, we need something to laugh about after our team does their best impression of the Oakland Raiders. Besides isn’t that the “real” full-time job of the kicker, I mean football is just their part-time job, right? So that’s the job description of a starting kicker/punter. So then what kind of duties & responsibilities does a backup kicker/punter hold? Funny, I didn’t ever know this “position” even existed? I must thank one Mr. Mitch Cozad for drawing this to my attention.
Well who’s Mitch Cozad? You’re right, that name wasn’t a household one…That is until now. Mr. Cozad’s was a member of the University of Northern Colorado football team. All I know is he seemed to be a disgruntled reserve punter for the University of Northern Colorado. Upset over his lack of playing time at UNC, he did what any good reserve punter would do in the same situation…He stabbed his rival (starting punter) in his kicking leg. Well there’s one solution to the problem. Nothing like stabbing your own teammate in the thigh with a hot butter knife. I’ve heard of throwing your teammates under the bus, and then maybe backing over them, but never this. Perhaps he got confused on which part was the chicken and/or turkey and which part was starting punter Rafael Mendoza leg? I’ve made the same mistake myself although it was my leg not somebody else’s. Nothing worse than dropping butter on your leg then trying to pick it up with the knife and missing, stabbing yourself…Now that takes smarts
Although since the “attack” did happen in a parking lot and not in a restaurant, that could only mean one thing, right…There had to be some discrepancies over the tab. I wonder if this had anything to do with the little competition they had in preseason camp with Mendoza, hmmm? So now with Rafeal missing some action, Cozad is finally going to get his moment to shine. Wow, your plan worked perfectly Mitch…What a genius you are for coming up with this plot. Might you be related to Tonya Harding in some way? This has her fingerprints all over it. Although congrats on being the new University of Northern Colorado starting punter…It’s a great accomplishment, I’m sure mom & dad are so very proud. Every Pop Warner-Pee Wee football player has this as their top goal…To be the starting punter at Northern Colorado, good to see you reach it. There’s just one small problem, um besides being suspended from the team, kicked out of your residence and expelled from school on Tuesday, you’re also sitting in Big Bad Bubba’s House charged with second-degree assault…Don’t worry, he won’t kick you to the curb. Bubba loves new meat! I guess you failed to foresee the consequences that could follow…Now, the guy who came up with the notion hindsight is 20-20, now that was a smart cat. Wouldn’t you agree Mitch? If you had it to do all over again I bet you would’ve re-evaluated your plan of attack and used some sort of poison instead of a knife…Poison, well it’s just not so obvious. What are they teaching or should I say not teaching at the University of Northern Colorado?
So let this be a lesson to all of us who always tend to pick on kickers for whatever reason…For the safety of you as well as others these guys are more just scrawny individuals who play football part time, they’re hitmen for hire away for the stadiums & practice facilities. So next time you’re in an empty parking lot just be aware somebody might be watching you from behind that bush. Don’t be surprised if it might be A PUNTER GONE MAD & MAURICE CLARETT CAN”T BE TO FAR BEHIND!
LastRowSports.com
Date
Wed 09/13/06, 3:43 pm EST
