A Note to Eldrick

I am not what you would consider a golf fan. I don't know Jack (Nicklaus) about golf, I don't play golf (if I hit it, YOU chase it), I make efforts to NOT watch golf on TV, hell... I can barely spell golf. I do have a driver I found as a means of tertiary home protection, but that's about it... I do live in golf central, Phoenix, Arizona, where the only grass you can find is on a super-manicured, hoidy-toidy golf course so it's hard for me to avoid.

But apparently, Mr Eldrick Woods, YOU ARE freeking GOOD at what you do.

I know alot of people want to harass you into becoming more open, or adding a little 'flavor' (ESPN's "Entertainment Guy", Bill Simmons forgot to suggest a face tattoo), taking political stances or speaking up for worthy causes. I say to you Eldrick, as a fan of human history and a fan of sports:

Just keep playing golf

That's ALL I ask of you. Don't let the soulsuckers, leeches and mediamorons touch your armor, let alone try to ding your armor...

Effin' F all of those people who want to make you something you're not.

Charles Barkley was ahead of his time

When the 'Round Mound of Profound' said "I am not a role model", we all dismissed him as a big-mouthed a-hole shirking his public spotlight responsibilities. He was DEAD ON. He knew he was merely a human that was capable of performing talents that 99.99997 of the rest of us, otherwise he was just like us - fallible, vulnerable, imperfect. A human being.

Human beings you don't know, won't meet and only form opinions about based on other people's opinions are NOT worth worshipping. The are Humans, period.

That's what Tiger is. A dominantly competitive professional who won't hesitate to rip your heart out and show it to you, then take your lunch money, too. No one is on his plane. Why should he be friendly to anyone who thinks they are competition?

What I love about Charles is he thinks he can golf. He used his Nike connections and status to sidle up to a young Tiger, took him under his wing (probably with the hopes Tiger could somehow magically improve his game) and taught him how to handle the media. Chucky learned the hard way, but learned alot. Chuckster brought MJ to Tiger and sat him down. "This is what they'll do, this is what they'll say; they'll want you to solve the world's problems, they'll try to make you black, they'll try to make you Asian, they'll try to make you white."

Last time I checked; skin color, blood type or even teeth size had NOTHING to do with hitting a golf ball well (of course, those physics classes at Stanford may have helped a bit).

Appreciate Tiger while he's still here

Don't try and find fault in his game, or explain away his talents (I only joke about the HGH stuff because no one else will), don't blame him for having a smoking hot wife, don't rip him for not taking political views, don't rampage him for autographs (when will people realize how STUPID collecting autographs are - unless they're on a check), just let him play the game and we can all stand around slack-jawed.

Enjoy him. He's here before us!

Dude is David Blane with a golfstick...

a fun article on Woods' luck - requires minimal registration info (Female, year of birth 1900, zip code 00001 is what I always put)
I wrote a freeking golf article, what the ...