A Night Out With Plexiglas Burress
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by user LastRow
To all you crazyasses out there who just love reading my scuttlebutt filled with tasty treats & Yummy rants, well, it pains me to say this, but after today I’ll have to once again close the gates for a while on the LastRow. However, never fear…I WILL issue rain checks sometime next week! I must say that this time I had nothing to do with it…One of my boys got this crazy idea that it would be such a novelty to get married. So in doing so, he wants me to watch him jump off the cliff…Have fun sucker! Like all great friends do though, it’s my job to tell him not to do it…After all, what are friends for? Yep, heading back down to the old stomping grounds, (location will remain undisclosed due to the witness protection by-laws) for a couple evenings of saying "hello" to the pole huggers who we used to visit on a regular basis. But don’t worry I know how to tip the ladies and especially my bartender as they keep me hydrated…Hey Plaxico Burress, consider that to be a tip!
It turns out when it comes to Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress getting a drink, you had better pay attention to him…Especially ladies who bartend or waitress (whatever you call yourselves? Just like don’t call pole huggers "strippers", we’re "dancers", right…I thought a "dancer" was Joey Fatone). It seemed that number 17 was all upset because "no women were paying any attention to him." And this comes as a surprise to you, PB? Not even your own quarterback pays attention to you…(Please refer to the many hissy fits thrown on the sidelines because of this particular reason.) The worst insult came when a source, (he’s in the witness protection program) said, "He didn't even tip his cocktail waitress," who noted that Burress and his posse "were obviously on the prowl." Not tipping your cocktail waitress…Now there’s a real man! Um question Plax, can the Giants use this same tactic on your deadass this coming year when their services from you SUCK? Personally, I know of old ladies down at the local nursing home who have got more pass catching ability than you! Perhaps the Giants would like to get the number to this particular home…For they seem to produce several boneified old geysers!
Of course, we all fully understand why this all went down…It’s quite simple. Since Plax doesn’t draw attention on the football field, either from his own team or the opponent, I’m guessing the guy’s in need of some. Why, if we can’t push around DB’s on Sunday and get open to "Catch The Damn Ball", why not just start pushing around a cocktail waitress that would not pay him the attention he was seeking, What’s up with you, PB? When you don’t draw attention on the football field a you don’t like, so now when you don’t get attention in a nightclub, you’re still not happy. Either you want attention or you don’t…Make up your mind son, you can’t have your cake and eat it too! Are you some how related to Tom Coughlin in anyway, or is his way of thinking finally wearing off on you? You must be. Oh I get it, you were trying to impress your entourage that you were with at The Bliss Club…Showing them that DB’s might always get the best of you, but this poor waitress is no match for "The Plax".
Why is it that you roll with an entourage anyway? It’s not like you’re Mr. Big Time. Or are they there to protect your sorry ass if some big bad DB shows up and you can’t handle them, since it’s a given that you don’t (or is it can’t) get physical! In addition, the same report went on to say that he refused to sign autographs and basically acted like a child all night. So perhaps they were there to help change you diaper? Or in case that pacifier fell out of your mouth, they could put it back in for you! Gee, you think this is why your waitress paid no attention to you…Last time I checked, there’s really not supposed to be any babies in night clubs. You better get a new crew…They’re not taking very good care of baby Plexiglas! Was this just another way of you trying to act like a hard ass…Something everybody knows you’re not anyway, bro, you’re only kidding yourself if in fact you believe you are. In all honestly, I’m trying to figure out here who in their right mind would even want your autograph…Oh shit, it just came to me. Actually, they weren’t in their right minds, they were all drunk…Had to be!
So you went to The Bliss Club, pushed around the waitress, refused to sign autographs and then dipped out on your $2,000 tab without tipping either…Do you still make gas runs too? I know since the price of gas today is so outrageous, I’d just figured you still do that too. Look Plexi, we all love Geoffrey the Giraffe and all want to be Toys R Us Kids, that doesn’t mean you have to listen to their commercials where everybody says they "don’t want to grow up"! http://youtube.com/watch?v=N8HMSf4O2FM See, some of us have figured out that one can still be a kid at heart even though we might be older. It’s quite apparent that you haven’t figured this out yet! I don’t know if you know this or not, but from what I just saw on TV if you venture down to your local Babies R Us they’re having a sale on a few select items…Save up to 25%. Just thought you’d like to know! And that my friend…That’s a tip from me to you! While you’re there, could you pick me up a wedding gift for the bride & groom for their future use…Thanks! (Paying for it is optional….Use your best judgement. If you think you can run faster than the cashier, by all means make a run for it!)
http://www.toysrus.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=2255957
That’s all I got for this week! Later Turkeys…I’m out!
